Merrily..merrily..Life is but a dream

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Two : Ease My Burden II

2009-08-24T09:03:00.001+08:00

Salam...

I hardly cook nowadays. Unless absolutely necessary. I would focus more on spending time with the children and catching up with my office work which had been kept at bay with my frequent trips to Egypt. Yesterday, Rifqa asked for Ayam Masak Merah. She wanted her chicken separate meaning that she wanted the fried chicken is not mixed with the gravy. She didnt want her chicken to be hot (pdas). Ayam Masak Merah is one of my easy dish but disaster could happen if the right amount of tomato sauce is not added in. Or the onions is not fried long enough.

I came back from Jaya Jusco at about 3 pm. I have to complete cooking by 4 pm. I am sending Ayesha's back to Lembah Beringin at 430 pm. If i sent her later, i would miss breaking the fast at home.

So, i really had to rush the cooking. Whilst cooking, the doa from Surah Toha kept crossing my mind. The same doa that i talked about yesterday. The one that i used the first time when i went from MRSM Kuantan's interview in 1975. My, that was like 35 years ago.

However, i felt the doa is appropriate for the cooking. The sentence Ease My Burden (Permudahkanlah urusanku) seemed so appropriate. Normally, when i cooked, i would do Zikir. The rythmic movement of stirring the food always induced the zikir Allah in my heart. Alhamdulillah for giving me Tareqat. The Tareqat has taught me that. The constant movement of my thumb, index finger and middle finger, has become ingrained that any repeatitive movement..insyAllah would induce zikrullah..

Ooops back to the cooking. But today, i was extremely worried because i am cooking like the first time. I am not familiar with the brand of the tomato sauce, the brand of the oyster sauce, the hotness of the chilli paste and to top that, i havent cooked Ayam Masak Merah since i was last in Egypt.

Somehow, i felt the doa from Surah Toha seemed very appropriate. It is not only to "Expand my breast" ie Melapangkan hati but a whole lot more.

The first morning of Ramadhan, after sahur, whilst waiting for Solat Subuh, on TV, there was one young girl reciting Surah Toha with the translation at the bottom.

In the early morning, before dawn, i felt Allah Kindness, Allah AlRahman AlRahim from those words in Surah Toha. How lucky Nabi Musa to be be able to converse with Allah. It started with a verse dedicated to Rasulullah that there was no need to rush memorising the Quran. That it was not meant to be a burden to him. Then, the whole of the Surah is centerd around the huge task Nabi Musa had to face Firaun. Anyone who had visited the Great Pyramids at Giza, the Tombs of the Kings at Luxor would have appreciated that Firaun is no ordinary King. But Allah was Kind and sounded very reassuring to me.

Wait, what happened to the Ayam Masak Merah? Alhamdulillah, with Allah's help, it turned out very well. My Jondol alone at 5 pieces during iftar..Cooked almost two whole chicken. Left only one piece so that my helper could also have a taste.. hmmm..

From a simple gift of doa 35 years ago, the gift is treasured and reuse so many time, The love for the Giver of the Gifts insyaAllah has grown.

Ya Arhama Rahimin Narhamna. Amin

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Ramadhan Kareem : Ease my burden

2009-08-22T21:30:00.003+08:00

Salam.

It has been a long time that i have written anything here. I remembered that last Ramadhan i had, i was in Alexandria, i was very motivated to write. On a daily basis. There was always a topic to ramble on.

Last time, i would write what i had for my iftar. But not this time. The main reason is because i hardly cook nowadays. last Ramadhan was bittersweet for me. I cooked everything all by myself. There was no Bazaar Ramadhan. There was no friendly Bibik to help me. This year, MasyaAllah. Food is abundant...

This year, i would like to focus on AlRahman AlRahim..to show that how much i feel AlRahman AlRahim. In my daily lives. In every significant events. In every little mindless events.

The past two weeks, i have been helping my children with their homework. Oh so tiring. After coming home from work, there would be another three solid hours of teaching them. Quadratic equations. Dimensionless units. Debits. Credits...

Everytime, i felt so exasperated teaching them, i started to recall my childhood. My Emak only had Standard Six education. She doesnt speak any English. But she was sharp in mental Maths. I didnt remember spending time at all. I was practically left on my own.

It makes me wonder how did i do it? Then, i remembered that i always like to practice to read the doa penerang hati. I learnt it not from school. I learnt it from this old lady that Emak went to study Sifat 20. I was maybe not even five years old then. I was the youngest child then. Being youngest, i always tagged along to where Emak went. So, this lady (whom i forgot her name already) was teaching her class the doa. What struck me most was that she said in order to learn about Allah ie mengenal Allah, must be with Allah, dengan Allah. That was why she taught her small irregular class the doa. I had carried on with that practice through-out primary school years. In so many ways classes were always easy.

Then, when i was about eleven years old. I was called for an interview to enter MRSM Kuantan. I was really worried. I knew that if i didnt make it, i wouldn't have any other opportunity. So i learnt another doa. This doa was extracted from a book that Long bought. From Surah Toha this time. Whereby the doa asks for "Ease my task for me; And remove the impediment from my speech..." That doa, has been my practice until today as well.

The past two weeks, before the children leave for school, we would recite the doa for travelling and then the doa above.

Ya Allah, i am thankfull. For all these gifts that you bestowed on me. You are inded AlRahman. al Rahim.

Ya Arhama Rahimin Narhamna. Amin

Happy 10th Birthday FLOWER

2009-04-30T14:06:00.000+08:00

i missed hugging my little flower

and singing lullabies to her

her wide eyes and cute chubby cheeks

explaining que sera sera lyrics

*****

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

my darling Petai Petals

you will be pretty

pretty from within

you will be rich

wih laughters there-in

you will have rainbows

there is no lows

day after day

that is what i pray

FB FB FB

2009-04-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

........

this is a bad case of FB mania..

one day i will get back to you my merrily page...

The Perfect Man : Getting To Know Him.. Tak kenal maka tak cinta..

2009-03-10T22:57:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was a public holiday for us in Malaysia. I assumed most Muslim country would designate yesterday as a public holiday. If they were to take notice of the significance of the day.

12 Rabi'ul awal...

Yes, in Suria KLCC. One hardly notice there exists such significant day. I went to Suria on Saturday to do some appliances review at Best Denki.. more like window shopping. I am moving to our new apartment. So, the urge to put new appliances are there...

Shakira was really bored when i spent ages looking at washing machines, dryers and fridges...Oh countless choices to fit variety of budgets...She was very tired but she still wanted to shop. So i suggested to her that we rest at Starbucks...(again i am going to be lambasted for not boycotting them, eh???).

All around Suria KLCC, life went on pretty much the same. People were enjoying the long weekend. No one really took note that a few more days, a very significant day to Muslims around the world will happen. I guess, the day could not be commercialised, hence the lack of advertisement. The day is also not a day to be promoted. Lest, it would give Muslims a good image. Better promote Muslims as the war-faring, blood thirsty people. Top that with polygamist men! Fully clad boring looking women! That would be more sensational. Certainly would fit the seterotype.

Certainly no one would promote that 12 Rabi'ul awal as the birth day of a Perfect Man. Insanul Kamil.

It makes me remember of that some time ago. Actually, it felt like ages ago. When i was lying down in my big room beside the forest in Rumah Fish. That sense of melancholy. Of being far away from our Creator. Being detached from Allah. Solat had become mechanical. Fasting had really no sense of connection. Daily activities seemed so meaningless. To life ultimate meaning. If distance from Allah was felt, the song Rayuan Rindu from Raihan rubbed the salt to the wound even further.

Rindu for Allah was definitely there. But it was so painful to realise that Rindu Tapi Jauh. I guess, in retrospect, one can only Rindu, if one is only Jauh.

The song talked about the Perfect Man. With the Perfect Behaviour.

Wait a minute!I hardly know this man. I hardly know his Perfect Behaviour. How could i love him? If i dont know him, could i love him? Thus, the adage, tak kenal maka tak cinta!

If i dont love him, how dare i to rindu Allah? When i dont even love HabibAllah??? Oh no....

Olie...olie..olie..tsk..tsk..tsk..

That motivated me to look up my Sunnah Nabi book. That had been collecting dust in my shelves. Took it up and placed it beside my bed. I chose to read the sunnah that showed his behaviours that exemplified the Perfect Man. I chose to read the "normal" things that "normal" people like me could come across. So that, i could relive him. To remember him always.

I want to know the little things about him. The little acts that made him the Pefect Man. Insanul Kamil.

One of the things that has always marvelled me is the fact that this Perfect Man has a glass as his worldly possession. A glass that he would use to drink water that he poured from the water bag. To many, it would be no big deal. But i ask you again, how many people drink mineral water of the small bottle by pouring the water in a glass or drink it direct from the mouth of the bottle?
I for one, readily admit, i do drink mineral water straight from the bottle unless it is a really big bottle that i cannot tip over straight into my mouth.

To me it showed that this man, is very good mannered. Good hygiene. Certainly. One could not expect anything less from the Perfect Man right?

Until today, whenever i see those small Mesra Mineral Bottles in the meeting room or anywhere, i still think of the Perfect Man. Everytime a salam salawat goes to you my Perfect Man.

Another thing that he has in his worldly possession is a comb. After being in Egypt, realising the dry air could tangle one's hair easily. The hair could be caked with sand. The surrounding dessert is relentless. One could easily forget about one's appearances. I certainly did when i went to Siwa Oasis in April last year.

But, this Perfect Man would use his comb. Keeping his hair perfectly brushed and neat. Thus, whenever, i combed my tangled hair, a salam salawat goes to you my Perfect Man.

Once i told you that i like going around KLCC for free aroma therapy. For free whiff of perfumes. Why? One of the reason is because this Perfect Man loves perfumes. And i was told that he always smell of perfume. His own natural smell. That anyone who he touched, would smell of his perfume. I was told that if one is lucky, a visit to Raudhah, the perfume could be smelled...

So, everytime, i doused myself with perfumes, to overcome the smell of others in the jammed LRT, a salam salawat goes to you my Perfect Man.

Hmm... the example goes on and on. There are many others. That simple things like this, makes him a Perfect Man. Dont even begin to talk about the bigger things. the fact that he did solat until his feet were swollen. The fact that he was always fasting. The fact that he was always in Rememberance of Allah. Those are the sunnah that this amatullah would never be able to achieve.

So, little things..to remember my Perfect Man..HabibAllah...from amatullah..

Salam Salawat for RasulAllah...

Pictures below to illustrate the desert living taken from our April 2008 Siwa Oasis trip..

(this resting area to rest under the hot sun..)

( a typical mode of carrying people.. the Perfect Man would certainly always kind to this old man, would always respect the fully coverred woman, would always play with both the little boy and the little girl..)

(he spent long days up a mountain as high as this, a mountain made only of rocks.. to "suluk"..i only could do ten days and that was hard...)

(the sea of sand and rocks, with only camels as transportation, cloudless sky, hot arid sun..but wait a minute..why did there was always a cloud hovering over this Perfect Man? To protect him. Why did the Unbelievers of his time couldnt see this obvious miracle?..)

Salam Salawat atas mu Ya Rasulullah

pada

Maulid mu..

mudah-mudahan..

RAYUAN RINDU - RAIHAN

Hatiku Merayu Rindu

Kasihku Pada-Mu Syahdu

Munajat Hamba Padamu

Mengharap Kasih Sayang-Mu

Carilah Ilmu Mengenal Allah

Tanamkan Takut Neraka Allah

Semaikan Harap Syurga Allah

Carilah Keredhaan Allah

Rinduku Ya Rasullullah

Padamu Ya Habiballah

Engkaulah Buah Hatiku

Engkaulah Kekasih Allah

Alangkah Indah Peribadimu

Tidak Tergambar Mulia Akhlakmu

Engkaulah Rasul Pilihan Allah

Bawa Rahmat Seluruh Alam

My Heart Is Loving You

My Heart Is Just For You

Knowing You... Allah

I Will Try T0 Get Close To You

Let Us Find The Way To Know Our God

Feel The Tortures Of Hell's Fire

Think Of Pleasures Of Paradise

Find The Way To Get Allah's Love

Hatiku Merayu Rindu

Kasihku Pada-Mu Syahdu

Bertemu Allah Yang Esa

Menjadi Idaman Kalbu

Who is largest?

2009-03-04T22:59:00.005+08:00

We were in Egypt for close to two weeks. I went HOME. Yes...

After being away from school,Shakira had a lot of homework. Yesterday, i was helping her with her homework. Since she likes Maths, she chose to finish her Maths homework first.

She was to learn the concept of small number or larger number.

The questions posed were as follows :-

Which is Larger? 3 or 5. She would have to circle 5.

Which is Smaller? 7 or 9. She would have to circle 7.

Which is Largest? 2, 4, 7. She would then circle 7.

Which is Smallest? 3, 9, 0. She would then circle 0.

There were many similar questions like that she answered them easily.

One of my style of teaching my children is to further stretch their understanding is that i would twist it with the other things she was learning.

She was also learning to read. The book had used a lot of words WHO. Like Who is it? Or Who is this? Who is that?

So, this morning, while getting ready to school, combining both Maths and Reading subjects, i asked her, "Who is smaller?"

She answered, "Adik."

Even though there were only two of us in the room, i asked her, "Who is smallest?"

She automatically answered,"Iman." Iman is her cousin who is only one and half years old who lives in Temerloh with Emak.

I asked her, "Who is Larger?"
She cheekily grin and said, "Mama."

I asked another question, "Who is the largest?"
Again to test her understanding that there were only the two of us.

So, guess what is her answer to the question?

Who is the Largest?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

ALLAH

yes, that was her spontaneous answer...

SubhanAllah...

Bless her for having clarity of understanding... my dear darling sweet Kitty Kat..
i hope all my children do, that our relationship with our Creator is simple.

i am amatUllah.
There is no i.
Only Allah.

..

Valentine's Day

2009-02-15T22:53:00.003+08:00

I didnt want to write about Valentine's Day. Not to give it any significance. But so many events around it that i am compelled to share my story. These feelings must be very strong because i have been so lazy updating my blog. I now much prefer to do FBing due to its mobility. Furthermore, my time now is so occupied the past few days with work that i didnt fancy sitting down in front of a computer again after facing it at the office.

It all started when i noticed that the shops at KLCC started to arrange all their gifts into heart shapes since Thursday. Even Famous Amos has their cookies tied to a bear with a big red heart. The florists near the entrance of LRT also placed strategically bouquet of flowers at the hallway. Anyone who passed surely couldnt miss them.

Then, when i met Adnan last night, he said that he was at Low Yat eating doughnut at Green Apple when someone gave him a flyer. And guess what the flyer was? I was shocked that when he said that it was actually "co***on"... that thin plastic stuff..(i didnt want to mention it okay, my blog is read by my children..)

Hmm.. what is happening? Is that normal? Is that a form of community service from the company?

I also asked him how much a single rose was. He said it had costed around RM5..

That brought to mind to one Valentine's Day way back in 1989 or 1990.. I was not sure what year it was. It seemed so long ago..But i sure know now that was the time when i was young and restless and STUPID..

A week before that, i had just given an ultimatum to a boyfriend. This particular boyfriend was the only boy that i had a considerably long "boyfriendship". Albeit for most and later part of it was spent continents apart. He wasnt just ready to commit. He wasnt just ready to face his parents about marrying another girl not from his home state. He wasnt ready financially either. Whereby i had been working in a steady job with my own car for more than three years.

Also on the sideline, there was this other boy whom i met when i attended a seminar. I knew he liked me alot. But hei... i was a one man woman. So, i was loyal and didnt entertain him. During that Valentine's Day, he sent me a dozen red roses to the office. Everyone at the office went hoo haa over them. Everyone expected me to be happy because they thought that came from my boyfriend.

I had a call over the phone. It was from another boy who was an office colleague. He was from my hometown that i normally caught a ride home with. I didnt know that he had feelings about me. On that particular day, he chosed to tell it over the phone. And he told it with a beautiful poem that he wrote himself. There was i, stunned and didnt realise that i was talking a little bit loud when i exclaimed that "You wrote me a poem!!".. So, being in an open plan office, everybody overheard that. Again, everyone thought, here is one such lucky girl, obviously loved by her beau.

But little did everyone knew that in my heart, i was hoping for the first boy to give me the roses. The first boy to recite me my first personal sajak.."sigh"..

Oh hei... life goes on..and i am glad it did move on...

The following week when i went out for lunch with my usual set of friends. Everyone went goo goo over this particular guy. He was sitting across us. To them, this guy was gorgeous. I didnt find him attractive at all. Maybe i never like the pretty looking type.

Suddenly, he walked over to me. Introduced himself to me. Said hello to my friends. Asked for my number. After that, soon he became another one of those Frogs before i finally get hooked up with my current Prince Charming. (Another long tale in which i will tell another time...)

Before reconnecting with my Prince Charming whom i first laid my eyes on him when i was eighteen.

Back then, when i first saw him, i said to myself. "ME LIKE..." Hmmm... but fate wasnt meant to be. Only almost ten years later, when the situation was right, everything fell into place. Effortlessly. In a whirlwind romance after a long friendship with mutual attraction but was burried deep.

Now, from those red roses that was unwanted, from a poem that was unappreciated; my dear Prince Charming had given me countless flowers. Either arranged in a beautiful arrangement in a basket or in a nice floral bouquet or even wrapped in old newspapers when bought from Pantai Selamat Kemaman. Orchids. Roses. Daisies. Carnations. On every significant occasions. Or no occasions. After childbirths. Birthdays. Mother's Days. Anniversaries. Or any nameless days.

But best of all, my dear Prince Charming gave me Birds of Paradise flowers like below. Cut from our garden from our house Rumah Fish in Kertih. We had many of those flowers growing untamed in the gardens.

My "anei" (abang in Tamil), shirt drenched wet, smelling of his sweat, pieces of leaves stucked to his hands and legs wearing his wide brimmed old relic Aussie hat; walked into the house, with a large bundle of flowers in his arms.

He was smiling wide, looked me in the face and said, "For you..."

And that made my day. That was the best bouquet of flowers i ever gotten! Highly appreciated and treasured!

I saved that memmory deep in my heart. The quick hug. The special moment. Looking at the picture below taken from google image gives me a **twing**...Flipping through the images that coloured our lives together...

"I miss these flowers...so abundant. I am nostalgic...of our house in the forest in quiet Kertih...bathing using water from the well, muddied road, snakes, wild boars..lush greens all around..."

Soon olie, home is where the heart is....

Thank you for the music....

2009-02-07T12:24:00.004+08:00

ROSMAH, ZANA, Z, YAM, INA, AZU

So I say

Thank you for the music,

The songs I am singing

Thanks for all the joy they're bringing

Who can live without it,

I ask in all honesty

What would life be?

Without a song

or a dance

what are we?

So I say

thank you for the music

For giving it to me

in a RED BOX

Another Look and Another Smile in My Nook

2009-01-30T23:34:00.006+08:00

Over the Chinese New Year long weekend, i went home. As usual, I got a ride from Adnan. Since Emak's birthday was the week before that, i brought home two trays of cupcakes to celebrate her birthday. All her grandchildren that were at home then came to the house. She was beaming. Just like Shakira when she got her cup cakes.

Since Emak had been not well for quite some time, i took her to see her favourite Dr Rama the next day. After that, i took her to do some shopping so that she could buy the food that she likes. Just to increase her appetite. I could see the look in her eyes when she picked up her favourite food.

The following day, as part of my weekly reward, i wanted to bring Shakira to the little Zoo that Temerloh has. Emak said she wanted to come along. I was pleasantly surprised. That she wanted to come. Considering that she is very frail and tires easily. So, immediately after breakfast, we went to the Zoo. I could see that she was enjoying herself walking around. Looking at the animals in the cage. Again, she was as excited as Shakira was. Going here and there by herself looking at the animals. Then, she was tired that she said that she wanted to sit under the huge tree.

After the Zoo, i took her to Old Town White Coffee. Ordered for her a bowl of curry mee. She asked for iced chocolate to go with it. Initially she said she couldnt finish the mee. But, she quietly tucked in and finished the large bowl full of mee! Including the large glass of iced chocolate.

We reached home at almost zohor time. She just couldnt keep her eyes open. But she kept trying very hard to keep it open. So that she could do her Solat first before napping. Just like Shakira, when she had a full and exciting day, she would nap easily.

In the evening, i went out with Hidayah to buy pizza. Again, Emak was eating heartily. She ate two large pieces of thick pan pizza for dinner.

At night, she went to bed early. With a contented face. The same look that Shakira had.

IT CERTAINLY MAKES MY DAY!!!

*******

emak,

i would give everything

to see you smiling

to have that look

always safe in my nook

these beautiful cupcakes

a happy face Emak makes

you paint my rainbow

whenever i felt low

o... good faithful doctor

please, i dont want to see her go

see her walk that mile

a look with a smile

deep inside my nook

secured by that smiling look

********************

your grandson Adnan

your grandson Abdul Hadi

your grandson Azizi

your grand daughter Hidayah and Shakira

your grand daughter Linda

your grandson Iman and daughter in law Ani

and every one of us........

Pahlawan Gagah Untuk Sarah

2009-01-19T00:01:00.003+08:00

Today is Ngangah's birthday. Another very active blogger. There are only two nieces of mine that blog. Liyana and her. I always like reading their stories. Just to keep up to date with their lives. Ngangah always like to drop by to my blog. She likes to leave a comment every now and then. I cant seem to figure out why a young person like her wants to read it. The ramblings of a Mokcik.

When i told her that i was going to Aquaria with her brother, she told me that she is the only in her family who hasnt been. Since she said that she hasnt been to Aquaria, i thought of her when i was at Aquaria on Saturday. So, today posting is dedicated to her in conjuction of her birthday.

I went to Aquaria with Shakira. This is a reward for her going to and fro school using the school van without any fuss. I had promised her that if she goes to school by van, which means Mama can go to work and do work very fast, Mama can be home on Saturday to take her to Aquaria.

Adnan also came along. He is Ngangah's younger brother. So, the more i look at Nan, the more i thought of Ngangah who wanted to go to Aquaria..

So, here are the pics for you...

(a beautiful fish in lush green grass)

(cute sea horses)

(Shakira with a huge fish)

(watching this making MakNdak felt melancholic. Thinking how much bounties there are in this world that Allah has provided to us. It makes me feel Al Rahman. Al Rahim. Al Razak.)

(with Adnan at the touch screen)

(there should be a third person there - Ngangah...)

(Abang Nan good humoredly holding Shakira's bouncing ball while Shakira rides the car)

******************************

***

di dalam Sarah

mengalir darah

Pahlawan Gagah

dalam lipatan sejarah

menentang penjajah

hampiri dekat

tentu terlihat

padu dipahat

mawar nan merah

sentiasa berhemah

menjunjung amanah

teramat berat

di dunia pesat

yang hitam likat

***

manis ku Sarah

jangan kalah

buanglah gundah

senantiasa tabah

selalu tepat

tiada ruang julat

sungguh cermat

***

soal ku Sarah

siapakah

bakal pahlawan gagah

menyunting mawar merah

yang memikat

lalu terlekat

terus diikat

***

doa ku Sarah

mawar nan merah

sungguh indah

ibarat satu hadiah

hidup mu meriah

tiada kelumit resah

rezki mewah melimpah

zuriat yang keletah

di dalam rahmah

dan penuh barakah

Happy 74th Birthday EMAK... secured in my nook with your look

2009-01-17T10:52:00.003+08:00

Emak

a look on your face

tells a thousand words

of encouragement

of disappointment

of disapproval

of jovial

of sadness

of calmness

of patience

of tribulation

with quiet strength

that i draw at length

in my nook

i want to see that look

today

one more day

and one more day

and one more day...

in my nook

i want to make that look

smile

one more mile

and one more mile

and one more mile...

protected in my nook

secured with that look

forever in my nook

I love you, Emak

HAPPY 74th BIRTHDAY

semoga Allah sentiasa melimpahi Rahmah dan Barakah

Happy 5th Birthday Kitty Cat.. miaow..miaow...

2009-01-15T14:28:00.003+08:00

= A SPECIAL STORY FOR MAMA'S KITTY CAT=

a kitty cat at the port on mediterranean sea is searching for her mum.

are you my mum?, she asks the chair
NOPE, says the chair...

miaow..

are you my mum? she asks the cow
MOO, says the cow

miaow..

are you my mum? she asks the dog
WOOF, says the dog

miaow..

are you my mum, she asks the table..
NOPE, says the table

miaow..

are you my mum, she asks the hen.
CLUCK, says the hen

miaow..

are you my mum, she asks the duck
QUACK, says the duck

miaow..

The duck is swimming in the sea. She says to the kitty cat. I think your mum has gone to Malaysia. Your mum has some work there.

Miaow..

Why dont you take the ship and go to Malaysia? says the kind duck.

Miaow..

The kitty cat jumps on the ship. The ship leaves Mediterranean Sea and sails to South China Sea.

The kitty cat asks, Are you my mom?

Miaow..miaow...miaow...the mama cat licks her kitty cat.
Miaow..miaow..miaow...kitty cats snuggles up to her mama cat..

Purr..purr.purrr..purrr.....

..THE END..

( a story to show my gratitude that is Shakira for my source of D'light that is AlNur )

muah..miaow...muah..miaow...muah...miaow

Happy 14th Birthday SUNSHINE

2009-01-13T22:15:00.009+08:00

i still remember the time when jannah wanted to prepare for this outfit. way past midnight. mama was sleepy. but for my darling sunshine.. darkness can be so bright...my darling little girl now she can wear her old socks that her mom had twenty years ago. and she can also wear my boots too...

i missed this beautiful cake that she always bake

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE
MY ONLY SUNSHINE
PLEASE DONT TAKE
MY SUNSHINE AWAY

a short dream for you :-

Nurul Jannah is

like heaven

and the light

my sunshine

Allah's given

my delight

Melayu Muslimah define

Shakira and mama wishes Jannah Sunshine Happy 14th Birthday.

a poem for Kak Nana here)

muah....(this one from Shakira)

muah....(this one from Mama)

Lunching with Bankers

2009-01-09T17:06:00.003+08:00

Today, i had lunch with the bankers.. what was so great. I lunched with the only three foreign islamic bankers in Malaysia.. Asia Finance House, Al Rajhi and Kuwait Finance House.

What does a "cabuk" engineer doing with these bankers? We have nothing in connection. Yes, professionally that is. And how i wished i could say that i am having lunch with MY bankers. Wouldnt that be great? Especially having lunch with the only three islamic bankers in Malaysia. (meaning i would have berkepok2 duit right?)

Professionally, i dont have any connection with them.. but more precious connections we do have.. yes, i am proud to say they are MY FRIENDS.. ok??

(Tompang sekaki laa atas kejayaan kawan2...)

I met them during my Sydney days. Back then, i remembered we were struggling in the courses we took at the universities. We were not particularly sure what would be the outcome of those student days after all. We were ambling along. Go with the flow. Making sure that we do go home with that scroll called degree. A degree in whatever vocations that we thought we would be.

Now, twenty years later, we still keep in touch. Again, i am very proud to see them. To have known them in their younger days. And to still share that bonding twenty years later. I am proud to see them as women who contribute to their profession. As women who makes full use of the education that they were given.. (yes.. i know i am going to be bombarded by this..) They had certainly come along way. They are somebodies in the banking world.. and both finance world.. ask me what is the difference between the two? They pointed out that those two are different, ok? I myself not sure. I did ask them, but their explanations just passed me by.

Bukan olie nak berbangga berkawan dengan mereka.

What i am getting at is that, nowadays, everyone is talking about Gaza. Yes, it is good that we talked about it. It is good that we prayed and donated.

And i truly believe the power of zikir. Ingat. Zikrullah itu adalah senjata..senjata yang sungguh kuat yang tak terfikir keutuhannya..(Cubalah bersuluk.. berzikir 10 hari 10 malam tak berhenti-henti..tanpa tidur..rasalah kekuasaan Allah..)

And it is good, that very brave people actually going there..to Gaza. In my case, i had prayed only. Full stop. Not even donated any money even though my MRSM Kuantan's group do have a good organisation for relief.

I would like to bring about it is why only now we are focussed towards them. Why not since a long time ago? Why not we change everything? Why not in every sense where we could contribute? To make a difference.

I received an email from a friend about education. About how for every Jew there are 107 Muslims or so. But where are these Muslims?

The Muslims that i know, the Melayu that are so abundant here, still do merempit like nobody's business at night. I still see young Melayu girls being grabbed by their boyfriends unashamedly..I still meet workers not doing their best, more teh tarik time than anything else..I still see Melayu students getting Cs and Es for their SPMs. Or i see Melayu college students smoking and lepaking and hoohaing when their mothers slaving away doing menial jobs to give them the money to study at some Kolej Komuniti..

How come we are not like the Jews? (see below..)

That is what i am getting at. Now, its time to make the change. We know the facts. Like listed below. We can change too. We can also dominate this world. I am more focussed towards the NextG. They can do it. They have the parents who supported them. They have the knowledge how the world is. How we live in a very global world.

Come, lets make the change.

In the mean time.. lunch was delicious.. Pizza Wild Mushroom. Spagetti Salmon. Waldorf Salad. Unfortunately the restaurant; California Pizza Kitchen served alcoholics drink. yes..another restaurant in KLCC Suria

;-(

Again, my pleas

- to my children, Ayesha, Jannah, Imran, Rifqa and Shakira. Go contribute.

- to my nephews and nieces; make an impact to your circle of influence.. make it as big as you could

- to my young blog followers and YPC friends.. Global Domination..

Special Dedication to my Mak Melayu Merantau: Go Ladies, you play a big part of that Global domination....

TOGETHER, We Make It Happen!

insyaAllah..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Movers of Current History:
o Albert Einstein-Jewish
o Sigmund Freud-Jewish
o Karl Marx-Jewish
o Paul Samuelson-Jewish
o Milton Friedman-Jewish

Medical Milestones:
o Vaccinating Needle-Benjamin Ruben-Jewish
o Polio Vaccine-Jonas Salk -Jewish
o Leukaemia Drug-Gertrude Elion-Jewish
o Hepatitis B-Baruch Blumberg-Jewish
o Syphilis Drug-Paul Ehrlich-Jewish
o Neuro muscular-Elie Metchnikoff -Jewish
o Endocrinology-Andrew Schally-Jewish
o Cognitive therapy-Aaron Beck-Jewish
o Contraceptive Pill-Gregory Pincus-Jewish
o Understanding of Human Eye-G. Wald-Jewish
o Embryology-Stanley Cohen-Jewish
o Kidney Dialysis-Willem Kloffcame-Jewish

Nobel Prize Winners:

In the past 105 years, 14 million Jews have won 180 Nobel prizes whilst 1.5 billion Muslims have contributed only 3 Nobel winners (all Egyptians).

Inventions that changed History:
o Micro- Processing Chip-Stanley Mezor-Jewish
o Nuclear Chain Reactor-Leo Sziland-Jewish
o Optical Fibre Cable-Peter Schultz -Jewish
o Traffic Lights-Charles Adler-Jewish
o Stainless Steel-Benno Strauss-Jewish
o Sound Movies-Isador Kisee-Jewish
o Telephone Microphone-Emile Berliner-Jewish
o Video Tape Recorder-Charles Ginsburg-Jewish

Influential Global Business:
o Polo-Ralph Lauren-Jewish
o Coca Cola-Jewish
o Levi's Jeans-Levi Strauss-Jewish
o Sawbuck's-Howard Schultz-Jewish
o Google-Sergey Brin-Jewish
o Dell Computers-Michael Dell-Jewish
o Oracle-Larry Ellison-Jewish
o DKNY-Donna Karan-Jewish
o Baskin & Robbins-Irv Robbins-Jewish
o Dunkin Donuts-Bill Rosenberg-Jewish

Influential Intellectuals/Politicians:
o Henry Kissinger-US Sec. of State-Jewish
o Richard Levin-President Yale University-Jewish
o Alan Greenspan-US Federal Reserve-Jewish
o Joseph Lieberman-Jewish
o Madeleine Albright-US Sec. of State-Jewish
o CasperWeinberger-US Sec. of Defence-Jewish
o Maxim Litvinov-USSR Foreign Minister-Jewish
o David Marshal-Singapore Chief Minister-Jewish
o Isaacs Isaacs-Gov-Gen Australia-Jewish
o Benjamin Disraeli-British Statesman-Jewish
o Yevgeny Primakov-Russian PM-Jewish
o Barry Goldwater-US Politician-Jewish
o Jorge Sampaio-President Portugal-Jewish
o Herb Gray-Canadian Deputy - PM-Jewish
o Pierre Mendes-French PM-Jewish
o Michael Howard-British Home Sec.-Jewish
o Bruno Kriesky-Austrian Chancellor-Jewish

o Robert Rubin-US Sec. of Treasury-Jewish

Global Media Influential:
o Wolf Blitzer-CNN-Jewish
o Barbara Walters-ABC News-Jewish
o Eugene Meyer-Washington Post-Jewish
o Henry Grunwald-Time Magazine-Jewish
o Katherine Graham-Washington Post-Jewish
o Joseph Lelyeld-New York Times-Jewish
o Max Frankel-New York Times-Jewish

Global Philanthropists:
o George Soros-Jewish
o Walter Annenberg-Jewish

(PHEW..PENAT SUNGGUH EDIT NIH>>> menunjukkan panjang bebenar list tuh...)

View from The Top

2009-01-06T09:24:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, i sent Shakira to her new school at Q-dees. I was worried that she might not like it. That she would freaked out and said that she wants to go back to Egypt. To her old school at British School of Alexandria.

But my fears were unfounded. She woke up early yesterday. Get dressed. And was very chirpy. Look at her below. In her school uniform. So pretty. Grey with white collar and red buttons.Since we come early, she sat with the first few girls. Immediately she dug into the colour pencils and coloured.
I waited for her downstairs . Just outside the play area. When i went up, i saw that she was already talking with her friends and she was already asking her teachers questions when she was not sure what to do.

After bringing her back, i immediately went to office. I couldnt take leave yesterday because i was supposed to have a meeting on the new investment we are looking at. Anyway, i am not going to talk about that dry office subject. What i want to talk about the feeling of happiness, the exihilirated feeling, a kind of high feeling that suddenly engulfed me. Do you get that?

I was walking from the apartment to the LRT station. I left the house yesterday at almost 12 pm. As usual, Shakira wanted to walk with me to the gate. I was feeling very lazy. Feeling no mood at all to go to work. Having to leave Shakira. Felt no energy to climb the stairs of the overhead bridge to the station. Dread facing the noon heat. The pull of cool dark room is more strong rather than the thought of being in office.

However, that immediately changed. The moment i was outside the building, the strong fresh winds billowed around us. It felt cool. So refreshing. At that moment, i felt sky high. Felt that i could face anything in the world. In an instance, the moods swing.

I walked with that happy feeling to the station. The station was empty. The train arrived and i got in. Sat down in the train and enjoyed the ricketty movement of the train. Absorbing everything around me. Soon, i reached KLCC station.

Got off. The same high feeling was there when i saw many people walking briskly around me. The cool airconditioning of Suria. Appreciated that Suria KLCC is now devoid of any decorations. No big boxes of presents hanging from the ceiling. No big Christmas tree over decorated by too many blings blings. Bare. Empty. Only the simple clean lines of the architecture. I like that.

I made a detour. Went in to Cold Storage. I bought some fruits for my snack and some fresh eggs because i planned to eat "nasi lemak" for breakfast this morning. I ran out of eggs but didnt have time to buy them.

So, here they are. My dragon fruits and fresh eggs behind my table. Yummy.

I looked down from my room's window. Here it is, the view from the top. Nice eh. I really appreciate the view now especially after being in Egypt. I aprreciated the cleanliness. The green trees. Everything is so systematic. People are more polite. Kullu Hagar ... Khawaisah.. (yes, it takes travelling to another place to appreciate one's own...)

Despite of i am quite pro opposition, until today i still appreciate the fact that the Twin Towers were built. Built ten years ago. Way back in 1997. Admist the economic recession. Many pundits thought that the towers would be a white elephant. Or two white elephants.

Who would have thought a third is being built?
Who would have thought a building built ten years ago would have a design that is still relevant? (Despite of the origins of the vision was from a man who is no longer relevant.)
Who would have thought the interior design are still up to par with any new building built now?

These towers were and still something. The views from above are something to be proud of. For Malaysians. To stand tall. In this earth!

I am proud to say that i am glad that i am part of that. (Oh yes.. the nice cool air certainly brings the good happy hormones..)

I am glad that my youngest daughter are well into her education years. So that she could be educated to be ready for her world. Her NextG World.

Papa and Mama wishes Ayesha, Jannah, Imran, Rifqa and Shakira all the best in this world and ever after.

I also wishes all the NextG, all the best in this world and ever after. May we not be opressed like our brothers and sisters at Gaza. May we conquer and dominate the world.

This life and here after.

.......

p/s I wish Kak Long Siti Fatimah all the best in her new vocation in the small town in Mukah. May you make your mark. May you play your role in the NextG World!

p/s Take Care Kak Long. Besar dah anak saudara MakNdak ni yang kecik2 dulu suka nyanyi lagu Isabella.... yang sungguh ceria ketika MakNdak menganggur dan perlukan teman.

........

Sanah Helwaa Ya Gameel Sayang

2009-01-03T21:47:00.005+08:00

Happy 45th Birthday from Olie

Semoga sentiasa dilimpahi Rahmah dan Barakah dari Allah

Happy 45th Birthday from Shakira

(A gift of poem and pics from Shakira here)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Olie is doing lunch and breakfasting....thinking about NextG World!!!

2009-01-03T13:36:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, i had lunch with my girl friends from Sydney days... yes in those eighties... when Madonna reigned.. when Michael Jackson was as tanned as me and had a flat nose like mine... those were the days.. when i was twenty years younger and twenty pounds lighter with only twenty ounces of sense ...

Now, we are comfortable in our skins.. albeit slightly larger skins, slightly less taut skin..happy with our lives, reached our potentials in the chosen vocations we are in..

We chose to eat at Chinoz.. i had suggested other places just because those places are more familiar to me.. but the rest wanted a quiter place so that we could talk. Thus, Chinoz was chosen over Dome. I did eat at Dome once and i didnt like it by virtue of they served alcoholic drinks there.

I didnt know that Chinoz served the same. I arrived the earliest.. yes, because my office is right there. Went in, ask for a table for four. Was given a menu for pre lunch drinks.. there it was, side by side the juices together with the alcoholic cocktails... mmmm..too late to back off then because others were arriving soon. I chose Eye Opener juice, a mixture of orange, carrot and faraulah (strawberry.. remind me of my Egypt times...).. The drink was served on a coaster. Guess what was the coaster? Yup, the coaster was green with the label of a highly popular beer. The same beer that greets us when we get off the arrival hall at KLIA...

Actually, i was quite turned off by it. I turned the coaster around hoping there is a blank side to it. Unfortunately, both sides were printed. So, i was stucked with the green logo as a reminder..

I looked around and i saw many Melayu waiter... young too.. so, you know what i mean.. what will happen to them working in this environment???

I thought of my days in Sydney. Back then it was crystal clear for me and for us, that would not be permanent. Eating and drinking in those restaurants were temporary. Working in those places were just a means that we all knew that we would leave them behind.. But what about them? Would it become a profession? A long term lifestyle?

As usual, when reunions like this, the talk is really interesting. The topics are many. One of the topic that we talked was meeting new man via chatroom..Hmm.. if i were single, i dont think i could do that. I dont think i could have a relationship with a man whom i met over internet. Especially with all those scary stories in the newspaper. Like recently a lady was duped that thinking the man she married was rich.

I would certainly go the normal way. Meet them in person. How hard that could be?? If i were young and single, i would chat that boy up who voluntarily helped me feeling the air in my very flat tyre..(Note: I was with my five kids then, okay?!!!) It was not that difficult for somebody to suddenly approach and get talking and get connected... or is it harder?? But definitely, meeting someone in the chat room is riskier.

When i had breakfast with my nephew Adnan, this morning, who does Cyber security, he told me, he could do IP check for this.. Oh yes... i strongly advise.. do that. Do that simple background check before the heart gets too tangled and it gets so difficult to unravel...

One of my friends brought her 16 years old daughter and 13 years old daughters. They were very polite and quiet. So, to made them feel welcome, i asked them about Edward Cullen. Do you like him? They quickly smiled and their faces lighted up.. Yes, this Edward Cullen certainly managed to steal many young girls hearts.. but some of us the older women didnt know who he is.. Then the thought came to me. I am glad that my girls like to share with me their favs... the hot things in their lives.. and in turn, i also can appreciate them.. thanks Allah for that..so that i am connected to them..

Last night Papa said that over the two weeks the children with me, he had downloaded many 80s song so that he could play it in the car. He said now the songs in the car would no more be dominated by the 2000s songs..by the children's songs...i told him, i beg to differ darling..i actually could appreciate the songs that Jannah likes..there are some sense to Jonah Brothers song.. if one look closely..

What i am getting at, the world is changing at a very sharp curve..exponentially (Ayesha do you know this?). Imagine, my time, i grew up without piped water, electricity, telephone and car. My children has filtered/reverse osmosis oxygenated water, electricity to keep 24hr airconditioning, individual mobile phones with MP4 and flying via aeroplanes all over the world.

One generation, the technology had rocketed to different dimensions.

I am also very excited that all my nephews and nieces are majority into workforce or colleges or growing up into young adults.. I am so happy for them.

Just by doing lunch and breakfast had all these thoughts in me.. The thought that this new generation, my NextG must take the world

(..and we the parents must be there when they falter..)

Not only Mawi World..

NextG World.....

TOGETHER, We Make It Happen!
and Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...

Resolusi 1430H : Negara Islam Impian

2009-01-01T23:06:00.003+08:00

Mata digosok-gosokkan. Dia seakan tidak percaya apa yg dilihatnya. Apakah aku kembali ke zaman unta.. ke zaman kolot dan purba...?? Begitulah detik hatinya. Dikesat hidungnya yg berair dengan kertas tisu. Kertas itu kemudian dicampakkan ke tepi jalan.

"Assalamualaikum pakcik... tolong kutip kertas tue, nanti pakcik rugi di akhirat. Kebersihan itu separuh daripada iman. ..."

Bunyi satu suara di belakangnya. Dia bingkas berpaling. Siapa berani menegurku... ? Aku Datuk Dr. Johar.. orang besar negeri ini....!!!

" Pakcik... biarlah saya tolong kutip, sebelum Pengutakuasa Iman dan Islam datang. Nanti didendanya pakcik..." kata budak keci berpakaian putih dengan serban hijau yg melilit kepala.

Datuk Dr. Johar membetulkan tali lehernya. Ah... kalau dia datang biar aku sogok dengan duit nie. Siapa yg tak kelabu mata tengok duit biru, ungu berlapis-lapis.Namun, Datuk Dr. Johar terus hairan. Bangunan pencakar langit dengan wajah pembangunan yg sofistikated. Ada helikopter bersimpang siur terbang di udara. Railbus bercerakah ke sana sini. Bullet train meluncur bagaikan panah dilepaskan dari busurnya. Kesibukan dan kecanggihan yg hanya layak dipikul oleh manusia-manusia moden. Namun peliknya... pakaian mereka, tingkah laku mereka, Ah... dimana aku sekarang nie...??? Gerutu hati Datuk Dr. Johar.
"Hoi budak... Aku dimana sekarang...? ??" Soalnya kepada budak yg menegurnya tadi.

Budak itu tersenyum. Mukanya cerah dan indah. Tenang dan lembut.

Apakah ini Aladdin.. budak arab dengan lampu ajaibnya...? ? Teka- teki itu terus menerjah kepala dan pemikiran Datuk Dr. Johar.Budak itu membuka mulut untuk menjawab. Belum sempat dia berkata-kata, tiba-tiba datang sebuah kereta jenis Ferrari, merah dan berkilat. Keluar 2 orang lelaki dengan pakaian yang hebat dan segak. Serban mereka berwarna hitam berjalur biru.

"Assalamualaikum. .. Maaf pakcik. Kami terpaksa mendenda pakcik. Kesalahan membuang sampah ini sudah belasan tahun tidak berlaku di Darul Taqwa ini. Kami terpaksa mendenda pakcik. Kebersihan sebahagian daripada iman. Negara ini menitikberatkan iman. Pakcik didenda... 30 kali tasbih, 30 kali istighfar dan 100 kali selawat. .." Kata Pegawai Penguatkuasa itu dengan lembut.

Datuk Dr. Johar tersentak. Apa namanya undang2 ini....?? Tak ada Dewan Bandaraya di seluruh pelusuk dunia mengamalkannya. Dia tercengang-cengang. Namun egonya membumbung. Apa...??? Dia nak marahkan aku...?? Ni duit lima ratus...!!!

"Saya tak nak buat apa yg kamu minta. Kita selesaikan di sini sahaja. Berapa gaji kamu sebulan...?" tanyanya dengan angkuh.

"Pakcik... kita bekerja kerana Allah, bukan kerana gaji. Lagipun duit bukan ada harga lagi di zaman ini, semuanya dipandang sebagai alat, bukan matlamat." kata pegawai berjanggut dan berjambang itu dengan tenang.

"Oh.. oh.. maafkan kami pakcik, Kami nak tanya sikit, kenapa pakcik pakai pakaian zaman dulu..? Mana pakcik dapat pakaian macam nie...?" tanya pegawai itu pula.

Aku yang gila atau mereka yang gila...?? Detik hati Datuk Dr. Johar. Dia berjalan ke arah Ferrari yang berkilat itu. Melalui cermin, dia nampak jelas perawakannya. Tak ada apa yang salah. Tali leher, kemeja dan kotnya masih kemas dan segak, daripada jenama yang mahal-mahal pula-Piere Cardin. Kasutnya hitam berkilat dari jenis Bally. Ah.. aku masih unggul...!! Lelaki tampan, lambang status dan kejayaan. Dia yang kolot... dia yang ketinggalan zaman...!!!"Anak muda... Pakaian pakcik nie pakaian pemimpin. Pakcik orang besar negara ini. Pakcik dah keliling dunia dengan pakaian nie."

"Pakcik.. itu pakaian puluhan tahun yang lampau. Ketika Islam belum berdaulat di Darul Taqwa nie. Moyang-moyang kami dulu aja yang mempertahankan pakaian-pakaian macam nie. Itu pakaian orang kuno di barat. Sekarang... kami hanya dapat lihat gambar-gambarnya sahaja. Itupun dalam buku sejarah peralihan Islam. Orang barat zaman moden ini dah berpakaian yang macam kami pakai ni. Tak ada orang yang pakai macam tue kecuali orang-orang bukan Islam yang dijamin kebebasannya dalam sebuah negara Islam seperti Darul Taqwa ni." terang pegawai itu.

Datuk Dr. Johar termanggu-manggu kebingungan."Dimana aku sebenarnya ni..??" Dia bertanya kepada pegawai-pegawai penguatkuasa dan budak kecil di tepi jalan.

Dia masih kenal... ini jalan Chow Kit, di tengah-tengah bandar Kuala Lumpur. Masih ada Masjid Pakistan dan Masjid Kampung Baru di sebelah sana. Tetapi itu sahaja, yg lain tak ada.

"Pakcik... pakcik di Bandar Mutmainah. Ini Jalan Mujahadah namanya. Saya Haji Din, Pegawai Penguatkuasa Iman dan Islam, diberi tanggungjawab utk memastikan kebersihan lahir batin bandar ni.

"Apa...??? Bandar Kuala Lumpur dah jadi Bandar Mutmainah... ?? Jalan Chow Kit dah jadi Jalan Mujahadah... ??? Apa dia mutmainah ...??? Apa dia mujahadah tue...?? Apa yg dah terjadi nie...?? Soalan-soalan itu terus menyerang benak Datuk Dr. Johar.

"Pakcik... kami rayu pakcik membayar denda tadi. Kalau tak boleh sekarang, lepas solat nanti pakcik sempurnakanlah. Demi kebaikan pakcik di dunia dan di akhirat..."

Tiba-tiba terdengar suara orang memberi salam dari jauh. Nyaring dan jelas. Seorang lelaki pertengahan umur datang kepada pegawai penguatkuasa." Tuan... hukumlah saya tuan. Saya mengumpat tadi. Ya Allah... seksaMU amat pedih. Tolonglah tuan... hukumlah saya di dunia, sebelum Allah menghukum saya di akhirat..." rayu lelaki itu.

Pegawai tadi berpaling ke arah lelaki yang baru datang dan kesempatan itu diambil oleh Datuk. Dr Johar untuk lari sekuat hati. Peliknya, mereka tidak mengejarnya. Dia terlepas. Lega...Dahaga.. Lapar... mula menggigit tekak dan perutnya. Dia mesti makan. Dia mesti minum. Tapi di mana...?? Tiba-tiba dia terdengar suara komputer dari sound sistem di tepi jalan:" Assalamualaikum. .. Kepada semua penduduk Kota Mutmainah.. Syed Al-Abrar, jutawan besar negara ini sedang berada di Jalan Uwais Al-Qarni. Dia merayu fakir miskin supaya sudi menerima sedeqahnya. Hari ini beliau menjamu nasi dan air. Tuan puan semua dijemput datang..."

Datuk Dr. Johar orang besar Darul Ghurur itu tidak akan sesekali mencemar duli menagih sedeqah. Dia ada duit, mampu membelinya sendiri. Dia pun masuk ke sebuah restoran di tepi jalan. Di situ penuh dengan pelanggan.. semuanya berjubah dan berkopiah. Matanya tidak betah lagi melihat itu semua, tapi kerana lapar, dia masuk juga." Maaf tuan. Itu pintu masuk wanita. Di sini untuk lelaki." Ceh... double standard..!! Lelaki dipisahkan daripada perempuan. Mukanya dicemekkan kepada tuan kedai yang menegurnya." Ada restoran lain yang mengamalkan persamaan taraf antara lelaki dan perempuan..? Saya tak suka pemisahan-pemisahan macam nie."

Lelaki itu tersenyum." Empat puluh tahun dulu adalah tuan. Sekarang kita sudah bebas dan merdeka. Zaman penjajahan fikiran dan jiwa sudah berlalu. Tak ada diskriminasi wanita disini tuan. Amir Muhammmad, pemimpin Darul Taqwa ini telah menaikkan taraf wanita tanpa women"libs. Kalau tuan ada isteri dan membawanya bersama, sila masuk ke sana. Di sana ada tempat khusus utk makan bersama isteri dan anak perempuan." terangnya dengan panjang lebar. Mukanya bersih dan jernih.Serban dan jubahnya serba putih.

"Ini bertentangan dengan prinsip demokrasi. Sistem pemerintahan kapitalis, sosialis, nasionalis malah komunis sekalipun tak macam nie...."

" Astagfirullah pakcik... Jangan disebut-sebut lagi nama ideologi-ideologi tue. Semuanya telah termaktub dalam sebagai ajaran-ajaran sesat dalam perlembagaan Darul Taqwa ini. Tak ada orang lagi yang berpegang dengan fahaman jahiliyyah tue. Astagfirullah. ..." Keluh tuan restoran itu sambil mengurut-urut dadanya. Ekor serbannya bergoyang-goyang tatkala dia menggelengkan kepalanya.

Ah...!!! Persetankan semua itu. Perut aku lapar. Datuk Dr. Johar pun masuk."Nasi Beriyani sepinggan... " ujarnya kepada pelanggan.

" Dalam pinggan tuan...?" tanya pelayan itu kehairanan.

" Ya.. apa yang peliknya...? "

" Baik tuan. Tapi, semua orang berebut-rebut pahala makan berjemaah. Tuan makan seorang...?" tanya pelayan yang berkulit hitam manis itu.

Datuk Dr. Johar bertambah geram. Direnung ke hadapan, iaitu ke ruangan pelanggan menikmati hidangan. Tidak ada meja makan... hanya hamparan permaidani tebal dengan dulang-dulang indah yang tersusun rapi. Mereka makan satu dulang..? Yerk..!!! Jijiknya...! ! Ah... aku tetap aku..! Aku ada pendirian. Nasi Beriyani dan ayam goreng kegemarannya pun terhidang di atas sehelai kain putih.

" Jemput makan dengan nama Allah Yang Memberi Rezeki.." kata pelayan itu dengan sopan.

Datuk Dr. Johar makan dengan berselera sekali. Dewan makan itu berhawa dingin, lengkap dengan pita televisyen dan videonya sekali. Dia makan seorang diri bagai kera sumbang.

" Ya Allah...!!! Apa musibah yang menimpa ana subuh tadi...? Ana masbuk dalam sembahyang jemaah subuh." ujar seorang lelaki muda dengan wajah kecewa. Suapannya perlahan... macam tak lalu makan sahaja.

" Anta tak cuba tampung dengan amal makrufat yang lain...?" tanya sahabat di sebelah. Dia nampak simpati.

Datuk Dr. Johar pasang telinga sahaja." Ana nak sedekahkan lima ribu ringgit, malang nasib ana, lima jam ana tunggu di tepi jalan, seorang pun tak mahu terima sedekah ana." keluhnya." Susah kita sekarang nie. Orang miskin yang bolot pahala redha, pahala sabar. Mereka sepatutnya bantulah kita, tolonglah terima sedekah kita. Ah.. susahnya jadi orang kaya macam kita nie..! Dah lah nanti di akhirat banyak hisabnya, di dunia nie pulak orang tak mahu terima sedekah kita."

" Oh..!!" Keluh seorang yang sama-sama makan dengan lelaki muda itu tadi. " Kalaulah kita hidup di zaman moyang kita dahulu, kan dapat kita korbankan harta yang banyak nie. Saya pun dapat harta ni melalui warisan daripada bapa, yang diwarisi oleh datuk saya daripada moyangnya. Takpelah... kita tunggu bila kerajaan nak bangunkan projek negara atau nak gunakan duit untuk kemaskinikan kementerian- kementeriannya, saya nak labur habis-habisan. Biar jadi saham akhirat..." kata pemuda itu menutup perbualan. Mereka pun makan dengan perlahan-lahan.

Datuk Dr. Johar makin pelik." Tambah nasi sepinggan lagi..." pintanya kepada pelayan restoran

" Demi kesihatan tuan, saya nasihatkan tuan berhentilah sebelum kenyang. Maaf tuan... saya terpaksa mengatakan demikian. Saya pelayan restoran merangkap pegawai perubatan." kata pelayan itu.

" Apa..? Awak pegawai perubatan... ? Seorang doktor ke..? Lulusan luar negeri atau dalam negeri..? Awak sepatutnya bertugas di hospital, bukannya di restoran." tanya Datuk Dr. Johar dengan geram.

" Tuan, mana ada hospital sekarang. Yang ada hanya untuk bayi, kanak-kanak, wanita, mubaligh dan mujahid yang cedera ketika berjuang. Tuan, kalau tuan amalkan makan hanya bila lapar sahaja dan berhenti sebelum kenyang, Insya Allah... tuan akan sihat. Kita tak perlu ke hospital."

" Bodoh.. kalau macam tu, macam mana nak rawat pesakit kencing manis macam aku nie..?" leternya perlahan-lahan.

" Apa..? penyakit kencing manis...? Tuan mengidapnya. ..? Saya ada baca buku perubatan edisi tahun 1990 dulu. Sekarang penyakit itu tidak ada sesiapa yang mengidapnya. ."

" Dah.. batalkan sahaja order saya tadi. Banyak pulak cakapnya, boring. Sekarang, saya perlukan hiburan, di mana boleh saya dapati....?" tanyanya.

"Di sana tuan. Melalui butang pada sistem komputer di sebelah sana. Tuan boleh dapat apa sahaja hiburan yang menyegarkan. Tak payah risau pasal bayaran. Ianya percuma."

Datuk Dr. Johar, orang besar negara melangkah hebat ke tempat yang ditunjukkan. Berbagai-bagai butang dengan pelbagai warna berkelip-kelip. Sangat rumit tapi kekeliruan itu dapat disembunyikan. Dia malu kalau-kalau dengan pakaian jenama Piere Cardinnya, dia masih kelihatan kolot. Diberanikan dirinya menekan satu butang berwarna hitam. Di permukaan skrin timbul satu perkataan.. KHAUF... Apa benda nie..? kemudian menyusul bait2 lagu..

Mati itu terlalu sakit,
Alam barzakh yang pasti,
Mizan noktah penyesalan,
Izrael datang tiba-tiba.

Oh... oh... seram sejuk tubuhnya. Apa lirik lagu macam nie..? Biarlah menaruh harapan sikit. Hatiku macam kristal, boleh pecah dengan lagu-lagu macam nie. Protes hati Datuk Dr. Johar.

Dia beralih ke butang hijau dan tanpa lengah dia terus menekannya. Tertera di skrin komputer RAJA. Kemudian tersembul lirik lagunya...

Firdausi melambai-lambai
Demi cinta dan rahmatNya
Keindahan jannah yang abadi.

Kepala Datuk Dr. Johar semakin pusing. Semuanya tentang akhirat. Apa nak jadi ni..?" Tak ada lagu yang hot sikit ke..?" tanya Datuk Dr. Johar kepada seorang pemuda berjubah coklat di sebelahnya."

Nanti ya pakcik. Saya pilihkan lagu yang paling hot sekarang ni. Top hit muda mudi."

" Ya.. Ya.. Saya sokong..." balas Datuk Dr. Johar.Telinganya dihalakan kepada sistem suara di dinding restoran. Dia ingin mendengar lagu-lagu kegemaran muda -mudi di daerah asing ini.

Ayat-ayat suci al-Quran bergema."Eh.. ini suara orang mengaji."

"Nanti dulu pakcik. Selepas ini ada terjemahannya, kemudian baru menyusul lagunya." kata pemuda berjubah coklat itu sambil memejamkan matanya rapat-rapat. Asyik sekali dia.Kemudian, getaran suara pun bergema....

Cintaku berlabuh di persada rahmatMu,
Mendamba kasih yang tak berpenghujung,
Mengutip sayang di hamparan cinta suci,
Inilah getaran hatiku memburu cinta,
Stanza hati merindu Ilahi....

Datuk Dr. Johar tak tahan lagi. Dia merengus dan pergi ke kaunter bayaran."Maaf tuan... ini duit lama. Kalau tuan tak mampu bayar, kami halalknan sahaja"

Datuk Dr. Johar makin geram." Saya bayar dengar kad kredit sahaja.." dia pun menghulurkan kad kredit warna emasnya.

"Maaf sekali lagi tuan. Kad kredit ni bukan yang boleh kami terima. Kami halalkan sahaja.."

"Tak.. pantang datuk nenek saya minta sedekah. Saya ada harta simpanan, berbungkal-bungkal emas dalam bank. Tak kan saya nak bawa, nanti disambar pencuri.."

"Darul Taqwa tak ada pencuri tuan. Pencuri terakhir telah dipotong tangannya 30 tahun yang lalu ketika minta dihukum di hadapan hakim kerena takutkan seksa neraka."

"Ah... aku tak nak dengar semua tue. Makin gila aku dibuatnya." pekik Datuk Dr. Johar sambil meluru keluar dari restoran.Di luar, semua pandangan menyakitkan matanya.

Mengapa orang kolot nie mentadbir teknologi yang begitu tinggi...???

Pemandu bullet train berserban merah tersenyum padanya. Pilot helikopter dengan tulisan MAKRUFAT AIR TRANSPORT sibuk dengan tugasnya.Di seberang jalan, tertegak papan iklan dengan tulisan yang jelas "KELUARGA BAHAGIA GEMBIRA DENGAN SUNNAH". Di papan itu terpampang gambar seoarang lelaki dan perempuan berserta anak-anak mereka. Semuanya berserban, berjubah dan berpurdah. Ish... meluatnya... !!!!Di jalan-jalan raya, suasana meriah dengan senyum dan salam. Baginya, semua itu seolah-olah menyindir dan mengejek. Kenapa jadi begini...??? Kenapa..?? Kenapa...??? Kenapa...??? Mengapa..?? Mengapa...?? ? Mengapa...??

Datuk Dr. Johar tiba-tiba menjerit. Tekanan hebat dalam jiwanya yang terseksa tiba-tiba meletus."Datuk... Datuk...!! Bangun Datuk. Ada berita buruk...!!!" Datuk Dr. Johar terjaga.

Dia tertidur semasa menunggu keputusan undi hari itu."Kenapa...?? Kita kalah...??? Aku kalah...???" tanya Datuk Dr. Johar bertalu-talu.

“Tidak Tuk. Semua bangun memprotes. Mereka tidak mahu pilihan raya. Mereka tidak mahu demokrasi.”"Habis... mereka mahu apa...??""Mereka mahu Islam... Datuk..""Islam..." Datuk Dr. Johar terpinga. Digosok-gosok lagi matanya.******

P/S

ADAKAH INI SATU IMPIAN?
ATAU AKAN MENJADI SATU KENYATAAN?

BANGUNLAH DARI LENA
SEDARLAH DARI LALAI

TEGASKAN MINDA
HATI TIDAK LALAI

SAMBUTLAH SERUAN
IMPIAN JADI KENYATAAN

Global Roaming Kids

2009-01-01T22:56:00.002+08:00

Last 18 December, Ayesha, Jannah, Imran and Rifqa came home to Malaysia. Yes, alone by themselves unaccompanied by any adults. When they already boarded the plane from Cairo, Papa SMS me that they are already on the plane.

When they reached Dubai, Ayesha and Jannah SMSed that they are safely at the new Terminal 3. They had a 10 hour transit. Really long! Then, when they were about to board the plane, again they SMSed me.

Then, their father SMSed me that they are safely in the plane to KL and handing over them to me.. Just like the morning handover during workshifts...eh..

They were supposed to land at 930 pm on 18 December. They landed early. Unfortunately it took so long for their luggage to arrive. I waited and waited. Or rather, assisted Shakira playing with the railings of the arrival hall. I SMSed them asking where they are. They said they are still waiting for their lugagges to arrive.

After what seemed to be a long wait, yes, it was long.. we had to go and relief ourselves at the ladies.. they emerged. Shown here was their arrival. Rather crumpled looking kids... but i am happy to see them after not seeing them for three weeks.

Then, a flurry of activities with them. Mainly for me to entertain them. To whatever their appetite fancied. Either food or things to buy or things to do.

Shakira was really happy because she gets to play with her sisters and brother. Everyday they went swimming. Shakira gets to play at Smoland with Rifqa. Shakira gets to be "manja" by Kakak Ayesha. Taught by Jannah. Played with Imran.

Alas, 1st January came too early. Last night we sent them to the airport. Everyone else were busy watching the fire crackers, instead, we spent the night at the airport. I waited for Ayesha, Jannah, Imran and Rifqa to go in. Then, i waited and waited for them to SMS me that they were boarding so that i could leave the airport. Until the last call for boarding, i still havent heard from them. I was worried. In case anything happens to them. I didnt want having to turn around to resolve it if i was already in the taxi towards home. Since it was already 215am so i presumed that they were already in.

So we went home. reached home at 3 am. I finally went to sleep much later. (Did some FaceBooking... my new lurrve...)

In the morning i waited until 11 am Malaysian time to SMS them again. I asked them where are you. No replies. I was so worried. I waited and waited. Until 330pm, Papa emailed me saying that they are safely in Dubai. Phew.. Alhamdulillah..

Now its 11pm. I assumed they are already in the plane to Cairo. I havent done a proper handover.. anyway Papa is already on the way to pick them up...

I never thought with the advent of 1430H or 2009, i have global roaming children.. with a time difference of six hours too.. yes those are the powers of Allah.. i do hope that these children wil be equipped to be the new age muslim.. ready for the high technology universe where muslims dominates in every sense.. and we their parents are to provide that platform...

p/s

1. I bought a new GPS Garmin to assist me navigating the roads in KL. Maybe i should have my kids a hidden GPS so i always know where they are, eh?!! (Tak perlu risau2 tak dapat SMS). Global Roaming Kids tagged with a Global Positioning System..

2. I will post a novel about a futuristic Muslim city... imagine..high tech, total living of islamic ways, tall and proud to be a muslim, respected by the whole universe and influential..

3. Yes, to all my nephews and nieces, to all my students friends that I meet, to all my YPC friends, rise and meet the challenge. You are the NextG.. the next generation to make things happen... Like my favourite tagline

TOGETHER, We Make It Happen!

and while doing that dont forget

Merrily...merrily...merrily...Life is But a Dream...

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Happy New Year 1430H

2008-12-28T22:46:00.002+08:00

Salaam...

A short blog from me... almost like Tweeter eh?!

(Sorry, I am now into Facebook pulak... new lurve...
but not like Edward Cullen, i still lurve oops nanti cik abang mare... Michael Scofield... )

I just want to wish every Muslims

Semoga Tahun baru 1430H membawa Rahmah dan Barakah dari Allah..

p/s

1. We doa as a family without Papa ;-(
2. Led by Ayesha my budding Ustazah Doctor.... insyaAllah
3. When will my Ustaz Ali Imran be one?
4. Reminded by Ustaz Faizal to do it
5. Darling Papa tried to call just now but cant get through...

Yummy Lunch @La Cucur, Free Aromatherapy and Beautiful Women...

2008-12-04T14:57:00.001+08:00

Today, i had lunch alone at La Cucur. Yummy..Certainly cannot get this at Alexandria City Center Food Court or Alexandria Green Plaza.

When i was based in Kertih, i used to love going to La Cucur to have my breakfast. Since, i normally travelled alone then, i would be sitting alone enjoying my breakfast. As usual, i love their nasi lemak. Not that the nasi lemak is that great. It is just that it is wrapped in banana leave. The sambal is not oily. No boiled eggs but small piece of omelette. The rice is not that "lemak" either. The amount is not large. Well, what makes it so great? I love it that it is not overly done. Simple. Almost like the simple nasi lemak that one can buy in the old days. I like the small portions too because it still leave some space in my stomache.

That is where the fun begins.....

I then can buy another piece of those yummy kueh for dessert. I always love this kueh which has a litle bit of coconut on the top. I dont know what it is called. Like just now, since i had lunch, i had space for one more savoury kuih. I had pulut panggang. So the menu for my lunch was Simple Nasi Lemak, Kuih Talam Nyonya, Pulut Panggang and Teh Tarik. Simply delicious.

I sat alone underneath the stairs, quite protected from the crowd and enjoyed my food thoroughly. Also enjoyed the people watching. Enjoyed that people were polite and not brash. Enjoyed that the place was clean and air conditioned..

Then, i went shopping. Stopped at my old favourite jaunt. Marks and Spencers. The only shop in KL that i dont have to worry about size.. In this instance, Alexandria City Centre and Alexandria Green Plaza certainly beat KL in this department. That is, the department of XL sizes and above...or 14 and above..or 42 and above

Another favourite haunt is Parkson. That is where i love to get all those free samples of perfumes from the promoter. My free aromatherapy.. Certainly lifts the spirit when i smell this beautiful scent. Today, i found narciso rodriguez heavenly... i even asked for a free spray on my wrists... tomorrow must go and have another free spray..(or maybe get myself one bottle eh?)

(Ingat ya Imran, my 500 good young men, being friends with the perfume sellers definitely have its benefits. Rather than, being friends with welders... )

Wow... going shopping at Suria, i saw many beautiful women. Young and old. Big and small. I love seeing all these women. Nicely coiffered. Properly put together from top to toe. Best of all, i love observing their actions. Most are very poised and seemed to know to say exactly the right words accompanied by the right actions. Yes.. Malaysian women have come a long way... Go Women!!

Yummy Lunch, Free Aromatherapy and Beautiful Women all packed in the umm.. more than one hour lunch.. (sorry boss, didnt realised that it was past the time..)

hei... the sun is certainly shining now...

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Another Story on Ibu Tinggal and Ibu Tunggal

2008-11-27T18:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, i stayed home all morning. I didnt go out because i didnt have anymore shopping to do. I did alot of shopping before for a friend who wanted some jubah from here. She has a shop on Jejantas Sg Buloh. (Do go check it to out) I helped her out because twenty years she was a kind soul who opened up her house to a poorly paid graduate. Now, its payback time... not that she asked... no, she is not that kind of a person. She helped because she was that sort of person. At one time, she even helped out the many Afghanistan refugees that flocked to Malaysia in mid eighties..

(i stayed home because all plans for haj is also no more needing attention.)

So, i stayed home and surfed the net. Did some blog hopping and visited my blog friends. I chanced upon a comment in a friend's blog. I clicked on her link and found that she was an Ibu Tinggal. This young mom, i think not more than 30 years old with two children, one two year old and another maybe 8 months quitted her lecturer job and continued study in another country. Her husband quitted his job and followed suit. Main reason? She is sick of being Ibu Tinggal ever since her married life. Three full years. They went to the new country without any job and a house. They just sold everything in Malaysia and took off. Just to be together. I read her blog with interest. She writes well and expresses her emotions accurately. I could feel her turmoil in the search for a house to stay with her two young children. The desperation in searching for a job before the money runs out... I was amazed. Oh..my, this is real courage! But she was steadfast in her faith in Allah. I envied her for that. May you wish for ever after love is fulfilled my dear...

Last night, at a dinner function, i met a 61 years old lady. She is a Ibu Tunggal. Yikes! Ibu Tunggal at 61 years old. That's old! There is no need for a man at that age! You cant call her Ibu Tunggal, mah!

WRONG!!!... Big Wrong...MAJOR ERROR!!

I talked to her and asked her how long since her husband died. She said eight years ago. How old was she then? She was 52 years then. She said she was always together with her husband. Everywhere he went, she went. All around the world she followed him. She mentioned New York as such one place. He was a CEO of a big company. She said that even to go out to buy newspaper, she would accompany him. To the bank. Everywhere. Always together. I could see the beautiful relationship they had together by the way she talked.

Her husband passed away so suddenly. Of a heart attack. They did solat subuh together. Jemaah. Then later while reading newspaper, pow! he collapsed. That was it. No warning. And he was gone.

You would have thought after eight years she would have been alright.

She said no. No olie. I still miss him. I am lonely. I couldnt even sleep at night. Most nights even sleeping pills couldnt help..When those happened, i surfed the net like crazy..

My heart went to out to her. This awfully nice lady. Outwardly, she is a picture of calmness and serenity. Inside, only Allah knows...

Oh..my, looking at these two Ibu Tinggal and Ibu Tunggal, my situation pales in comparison. It is really nothing.... nothing at all.

Indeed Allah who governs this world. Allah who is al Rahman. al Rahim..(Allah who knows the lives of all makhluq. al Khaliq) (p/s imagine all those billions of blogs that Allah knows..)

To all my friends.. to all muslims (answering to Ida requests to pray for all muslims if i go to Makkah..)

My favourite doa. Simple but sweet.

Ya arhama rahiminarhamna. Amin

Pak Engku of Kuala Terengganu makes the most beautiful doa before Subuh with this... heard it first time in September 2001 in Johor Bahru..Mendayu-dayu mengusik jiwa. Terasa sungguh ketika itu Allah itu al Rahman al Rahim. harapan yang tinggi digarapkan...

SEDIH...

2008-11-25T16:27:00.002+08:00

I had hoped to go to Haj this year, but something happened and it didnt materialised... Well, i guessed it is not yet time to be Tetamu Allah..

I came back to Alexandria to settle the above.. but oh well..

In the meantime, i sent Shakira to school for one last week. I said goodbyes to the mommies at school. After a year, we sort of bonded.

Oh yes... I am sad to leave you all behind.

Sherif's mom
Octavie's mom
Tanya's mom
Yahya's mom

Till We Meet Again...

I hope the months will fly by.. There is no autumn, no winter, no spring and soon there will be summer...

p/s Children will be back during winter holidays...yay....

p/s i pray to Allah to take away the sadness in going through this....

p/s i guess it is better than my own Emak losing her son eh?!!

Ibu Tinggal and Ibu Tunggal

2008-11-18T13:02:00.001+08:00

It has been more than a week that I am officially called Ibu Tinggal. It is a term that my friends, the PMO angels at Kertih used to call all the ladies that do not live in the same working place as their husband.

At one time, there were many of us. Why I include myself as us was during Kamarul initial posting to Egypt. He went earlier. We only joined him four months later. I remembered there was once we ladies the Ibu Tinggal had a good time together celebrating our children's success in their studies. We went to the only McDonald in Terengganu and Kelantan. Three of us. Me, Olie, Ibu Tinggal with husband in Egypt.Yati, Ibu Tinggal with husband in Sudan. Nana, Ibu Tinggal with husband in a platform in South China Sea. We drew strength and courage from each other. With the support of each other, things become more bearable. In that instance, the success of a child whom everyone had given up hope on was really a sweet encouragement for us.

Thus, as you can see, the term, was coined from the word TINGGAL which means being left behind.

The word TINGGAL is also quite close to the word TUNGGAL. That is where the fun is. Ibu Tunggal and Ibu Tinggal. Where the term Ibu Tunggal is very popular. Ibu Tunggal is the same as Single Mother, a mother that is left alone to take care of the family.

Despite of the difference in the meaning of Tinggal and Tunggal, both Ibu Tinggal and Ibu Tunggal carries the insurmountable responsibilities of keeping the family intact. The only difference between the two, that for the Ibu Tinggal, there still exists the tie of Niqah between the Ibu and the Bapa. Whereby in the case of Ibu Tunggal, the ties between the Ibu and the Bapa may have been severed by talak or by death.

Again, I repeat, that is the only difference. The official tie with a man, with a Bapa. Ibu Tinggal and Ibu Tunggal do face the same responsibilities. However, one big difference is that, from my experience, Ibu Tinggal would be more financially independent. Ibu Tinggal would have more support from friends. Their network is wider by virtue of being in the office together.

On the other hand, my experience as a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) showed me otherwise. All SAHM came to my rescue when I reached out to them. They are very supportive. Until today, I am very thankful to Nana, Ayu and Dorin. Until today, I treasure my blogging moms, Elisa, Neeza, Kak Rozie, Tiey, Ida, Ina, Nad, Kak Rina, Kak Teh and Mulan. I could feel your strength and encouragement reached out to me through my moments of needs.

This past one week had been an emotional roller coaster for me. One night i felt happy. The next night, an event happened, i felt sad. Alhamdulillah, after one week, the apartment is in place, getting around is getting familiar, everything seemed to slowly falls into place.

The only thing that is not settled is Shakira. Shakira was very good when we flew from Alex. She was extremely cheerful. It seemed that she sensed that i needed cheering up. She slept all the time in the plane. When we reached KL, she was so understanding that she had to accompany Mama to work. But she kept missing her school in Alexandria. She kept asking about her friends. She wants to go back just to go to school. She said that she has two shows to do. One for International Day and one for Christmas. She would wake up in the middle of the night and said Adik wants to go back to school to do the show. But luckily for the past few days, she only said she wants to do one show only.

She is also finding life in Kl interesting. The food is more to her liking. She already had her High Five Kaki Ayam soup twice. We went to eat at Pizza Hut. She had her her favourite Calamari Ring and Prawn. Before we went, she said she didnt want to go but she was the one who ate really heartily and enjoyed her time there. The same when we went to Carrefour yesterday. I was hungry and i wanted to eat Chicken Rice Shop. I love their paiti there. We order the package for two for Fazat and me. Shakira would just take a small portion from us. She ended up taking a large amount and eat using her own hands digging into the sweet BBQ chicken, the yummy chicken rice and fishball soup. She also insisted on Iced Milo. I gave in because in Egypt, Milo is certainly a rare commodity.

I cant get her enrolled in any Tadika yet because the Tadika is now closed. It will only be opened in January 5th. So, i cant introduce her to a new school so that she would like her new school so much that she doesnt mind not going to Alexandria.

Initially i wanted to send her to Islamic Montessori at International Islamic School in Gombak. I found out the dedicated bus from Seri Maya leaves at 7 am in the morning and reached home latest by 445pm. It is too long the day and i dont trust her alone in the bus. If Rifqa were with her, it would be better. I asked Rifqa to come back to look after Shakira. She flatly said no. She must have like the school in Alexandria so much that she doesnt want to come back. I am so proud of her. My litle Rifqa. Now so independent. Go Flower!

I called Tuan Guru telling him that i am back. He said please be patient, it is not long. He still stressed do not resign from work. He even asked me when do i retire. I said, i am now only 44 years old. He said, you have eleven more years to go. Does that mean i will only stop working when i actually retire? I told him that sometimes it is hard. He said, you will get through it. Do make frequent trip back over there. One year will be gone in a flash. InsyaAllah.

I also told him that my main worry is now Shakira. I want to send her to Tadika. I asked him about the need for Islamic Tadika. He said that there is no need. The main thing is the child must like it. He said his own children also do not go to Tadika. All his children do not complete the full Tadika but they are all top students at school. (As far as i know two are studying medicines. A few are in elite boarding schools.) He told me to send Shakira to any school nearby that has good management. But bottom line, if after two months, Shakira must like it. If she doesnt, do not force her. This aspect of him also came as a surprise. I didnt expect that he would give a child freedom to their daily events.

I have found one that a few people recommend. I will check it out. From my discussion via phone call, i found the school is quite organised. For example, during this school holidays, they have open day for viewing every Saturday. Once I called in the afternoon, i told them i wanted to view the school when they have their daycare children in. She said that now is not possible because this is resting time for the children. She didnt want to disturb the children's routine. My head perked up when I heard the word routine. I love routines! Then, I said, i want to go tomorrow. She said, they have a field outing. Field outing?! My head perked up again. I like this field outing. Children is taken out. So, i have agreed to come back next week after my trip to check the place. So far, so good.

To reiterate the administration issue, last nite i was on YM with the ustaz who cooked for my children. He used to teach at one islamic tadika near my house now. He was really mad with the school for its poor administration. So, again, administration is key.

I have been catching up with many old friends. Being in KLCC also allows me to meet friends at work that i met twenty years ago. So far, i dont have any complaints about the new job. I love it. The job is not hard. The boss is great from old times. I got a nice and very efficient secretary. I have only two staff to take care of. All are very efficient. I have a room with a nice view of KLCC park. Going to work via LRT is also not difficult. Every now and then, there would be empty train dedicated to Setiawangsa users. Alhamdulillah, Allah memang permudahkan banyak perkara.

Yes, one more thing. My nephew Adnan has been a great help. Thank you Adnan. Senang hati MakNdak. I can rely on you for things that AyahNdak normally do for MakNdak.

My back-up system at home is also taken care of. I have a dependable maid that my Emak supported my choice. I have Fazat who provided companionship to me and private tutoring to Shakira.

Yes, like when i spoke with Ana, another PMO angel, another Ibu Tinggal whom will soon be a SAHM, in life we have to just go through it. But my darling sis, i still dont have the guts to drive alone from Kertih to KL.

I also thought of Yati. Her years of being Ibu Tinggal is now over. Her husband is back in Kertih.

Life is indeed many events thrown at us...

Yes, in this life we have to go through it merrily.

Row, row your boat

Gently down the stream (of life)

Merrily merrily merrily

Life is but a Dream....

Dengan itu, insyaAllah, kita akan menjadi insan mardhiah.. makhluq Allah yang meredhai segala yang Allah campakkan di dalam saliran hidup di dunya ini...

Dayungi la hidup mengikut arus hidup ini dengan gembira dengan perasaaan redha...

Mudah-mudahan kita di redhai Allah.

Lagipun, hidup ini bukan kekal, ianya hanyalah satu mimpi....

(p/s Ibu Tunggal ada, Ibu Tinggal ada, Ibu Tonggol ada tak??? )

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We Had Joy We Had Fun We Had Seasons In The Sun

2008-11-08T22:19:00.003+08:00

Finally, the day is here that i will bid farewell to Alexandria as a Stay At Home Mom. My one long year deliberation has been placed to a halt. The decision was made. I will continue to live my life as i had always known. The way it was. The way i was groomed up all my life. With a scope much wider than home. I have to accept that was my destiny.

Below was a video taken by Ayesha during the farewell dinner hosted by Nana.I honestly didnt expect them to host it. Even En Adnan was also there. We ladies had been shopping all three of us for four days! I got a beautiful gift from Nana and Dorin. Thank you ladies. I will always treasure my seasons here.

My Seasons in The Mediterranean Sun.

It had taught me a lot.

Apologies, for the position, but i would like to blog it for posterity.

p/s Pada malam itu dengan tiba-tiba keluar wanita korporat dari dalam selubuk wanita yang bergelar Mama berjubah hitam. Sudah lama wanita korporat itu dipendam jauh didalam pelbagai dimensi Puan Rozilah. Wanita korporat itulah selama ini memberi cahaya ceria kepada Rozilah. Kasih sayang anak-anak dan kefahaman yang jati dari suami menjatikan diri Olie. Kedua-dua gelaran saling menyaling memenuhi masing-masing. Membuat satu.

Rozilah/Olie/Mama/Lah/Akak adalah satu. Satu amatullah. Satu Allah.

yang satu, bukannya ada..
mencari
Yang Satu, Wujud

A Lot of Update but mainly to say I Did My Lasik...yeah...

2008-11-04T15:29:00.003+08:00

Well, my dear merrily green page...i have not forsaken you...i have been very very busy. Life is still a dream...

21/10/08 - 24/10/08 Adminsitration of Asrama Ariffin

Those few days that was my main focus. Going through the details on what needs to be prepared for Asrama Ariffin

In between, I also took time to visit my hairdresser. Got my hair coloured...yes ash blonde...here, the henna is so good that i must have it done before going home..bila lagi yek nak rambut macam2..

In between, i went to see eye specialist to make appointment for my Lasik operation. I have been meaning to do it for ages. Since, i am going back, i must expedite everything...biasala tu, selalu tinggalkan semua di saat terakhir..

25/10/08 Cairo

I went to Cairo very early with Rifqa and Shakira only. The rest stayed at home. We went to pick up Kamarul at the airport. He went home to KL from 13/10 to 25/10 for work. His working visa expired on 1/11/08. To renew the visa, he could only do it one month before. Since, there was Eid and he had to go back for work, he could only apply on the day he arrived. Which meant, the whole seven of us only submitted the passport on 25/10/08. He also had to do HIV test. That was done real quick. But now, ten days had lapsed, still no news of the visa. I am going back, how?? With no visa?

Also went to Ida Winnie open house. I had a really good time meeting all the embassy's clan and Cairo's students. I met many people whom i would like to keep contact with. We stayed really long too. Kamarul made himself at home by finishing some of his work there. Thank you Pn Ida and En Hazam !

Coming to Egypt had certainly opened up many new experiences..

26/10/08 LASIK!!!

I did my Lasik operation at Alexandria Eye Centre. My doctor was Dr Maha. She was excellent. she spoke good English and explained the steps as she operated on me. Nana accompanied me. It was totally painless. Just that i had to take care not to rub my eyes and not let any dust gets in. (No eye make-up for at least a month!)

Finally! All these years of wearing glasses. Thick, mind you. Since I was nine years old. Then, when I am older, i used contact lenses for almost ten years. After having Imran, i switched back to glasses. Now, here in Alexandria, i found out that to do Lasik is only 3380LE. That is not more than RM2000. Imagine that. In Malaysia it would cost RM4000 per eye.

Additionally, here they used the latest technology. Mine was done using wavefront technology. No need to rely on the skill of a surgeon to get the 20-20 vision...An eye specialist that i met in Malaysia also said that Egypt has a later technology compared to Malaysia.

I got perfect vision immediately!! Alhamdulillah. I felt like i received a gift from allah. A gift of eyesight. Allah is indeed kind..

29/10/08 Small raya gathering

Did a small raya gathering with a few medical students. I also invited my Tuan Guru's son, he came here to study. It was good fun talking to them. Sharing their first time experience in Egypt.

30/10/08 Hosted the Alex Raya Gathering

Many students came. The house was full. Hardly can move. A bus was charted by Al Azhar students to come over. I was really touched. It makes me sad to leave all these new friends.. The next day, to clean up was totally "memenatkan"...

Dead tired
but
Alive with happiness!

1/11/08-4/11/08 Operationalising Asrama Ariffin

Walking through the the details of the hostel. The routine with the warden. The acclimitisation of the hostels' students with the new hostel routine. Still some hiccups but no major issues.

Food was supplied beautifully from Mandhara. The students love the food. Nothing like the usual hostel food. That is good. The students are also hooked up on YM to provide feedbacks on the food to the blessed Ustaz and Ustazah. The only minor problem is that the amount is plentiful. Maybe, when i leave, the food will be cut down slightly.

In summation, Alhamdulillah. Everything went smoothly. Memang segala benda dipermudahkan Allah. Ini berkat doa kawan-kawan semua. Syukran..

2/11/08-4/11/08 Tiga Hari Tiga Malam Ku Berjalan..

Apa lagi, hati dah senang, cuci rumah tak perlu dibuat, cuci baju tak perlu dibuat, memasak tak perlu di buat... Pegawai pentadbir Asrama Ariffin pun pergi membeli belah..

Ya Allah. i am so ashamed with You that i didnt have faith in You. As always, i always doubted your Rahmah in times of need. Ever since i received Tn Guru's advice, my world was turned around. I was worried. I was down. Everything seemed negative. But somehow, without much effort, everything came through. With Your Help. With Your Rahmah. I just didnt see it. I didnt have faith in You. This amatullah never learns. So doubtful. So stubborn.

When will i learn to be fully tawakkal?

When will i be like Nabi Ibrahim?

The fire was starting. The angels came to help him. He said no. Firmly! He said he had faith in Allah. He was steadfast. True enough, the fire was cold and he had food provided by al Malik al Yaum al Deen..

I have to zikir a lot more.
To cleanse this dirty heart.
To receive the Nur.

Ilahi anta maqsudi waridhoka matlubi. Amin.

??????? and now its final....

2008-10-21T16:36:00.002+08:00

Within hours of hearing the news that my appeal to stay here longer in Alexandria was denied, I was relieved. I immediately posted the last entry. I Am Not Alone thinking that i would be strong with whatever happens next. I knew it would not be easy for me, i had been working for twenty years. And twenty years before that was the education needed for those twenty working years. Thus, the whole of my fourty four years i was groomed to work. So, over the past year, when the contemplation for resigning arose, i had to really look deep inside myself.

The first few weeks when i stay at home, it was really nice. I like doing all the housework. Attacking the chores with gusto. Having all the time to myself. Not having to meet many people. Not having too many variables in my life.

Not having to stretch the 24 hours in a day to more of like 36 hours.. a real feat. Where my days would start as early as 4:00 am taking a taxi to Kuantan. A flight to KLIA. Rushing to KLCC. Have to be alert in a 12 hour marathon of management committee meeting. Then a mad dash to KLIA for the flight back. Finishing at 2 am the same night, after taking the last flight out of KLIA. The next morning, i would not get any sleep in either. Unlike when i am at home now. I would sometime have to leave the house again at 6:00 am to catch the helicopter to offshore. The swaying 2 hours ride to an offshore platform where i would be the only female on board. The schedule is tight. That looking back i often wonder how i got the strength to continue. Where was the enthusiasm that was always there.

Additionally, i always had time for my children. For everything they needed.

I am thankful that all of them had turned out well. They took care of their aurat, know how to deal with the boys, good in their studies, helpful ; everything that i had hoped for.

That was the life that i knew and i knew that i could handle that life.

After the first two months staying at home full time, then the monotony kicked in. The children were very busy with school. Kamarul was busy at work too. I could see that working with the Egyptians are really giving him problems. Deep inside myself, i said i would give anything to have my YPC friends back at PMO. Or to super easy dealings with PMO Angels. Who could do work independently, efficiently and super pronto...

Thus, i felt i was left alone to cope with these changes. Changes in me having to adapt to the routine of endless domestic chores. The worries of making the children's studies are on track. Making sure there are settled. As well as arranging for their non school activities.

I found the chores repeatitive. Even cooking has become a dread. I hated it At the same time, i found out that staying at home without any help, i couldnt do the things that i planned for. I had initially wanted to study Arabic language. It was difficult to cope. Studying and taking care of the children and the house.

Then, i took the cleaner to help me five days a week. That eased things a bit. Still i couldnt cope. Actually, i found that doing the work is not the problem, the stress knowing that the work is there waiting for me is what bothered me. I found it strange. At office, i always have piles of outstanding tasks, but it never stressed me up. I could go home cheerfully day in day out..

I used to get stress if whenever we went out somewhere and when we reached home hungry and there is no food to be eaten. I felt i had to rush cooking while my children were hungry. It really gets to me. I asked myself why i felt like that, maybe before i am so used to have food all served on the table whenever i came home.

It was bad for me. I confided in Dorin. She said it is okay. It takes time. You will be fine after one year. I took comfort in her words.

Months passed by. I have learnt to be more efficient. I learned to space out my chores. Suddenly i didnt feel stressed out anymore. I could cope if there were dirty dishes still on the sink. I would cheerfully chat with my children while cooking and they waited. I even found out that i like trying out new recipes. Searching for recipes was not a hobby of mine before. Now, i am always looking for new ways to cook easy peasy like elisa. I began to appreciate all those blogs that i called Mak Melayu Merantau. They gave me tips, inspirations, supports and friendships that i needed. Thank you everyone..

Yes, after one year, i am setlled in. I could truly say now that i am a Stay At Home Mom. I could do it. And i feel happy doing it. Itulah, pepatah Melayu, alah bisa tegah biasa..

During the one year, i was faced with the emotional roller coaster of at some time there would be possibility of me working. Then the option of working was not there. But again, the possibility of me working here in Alexandria was discussed again. In August, i actually received a letter of assignment to work here. I was happy because it didnt change my life. It remained status quo as per the past twenty years. Then, within two weeks the letter was retracted. I was shocked because i thought it would never happened to me. I mean that was real inefficiency in the system. Finally, at the highest level, my case was deliberated. The final decision was i cannot work here in Alexandria. It was juslike Chipsmore Cookies. Kejap Ada. Kejap Takde!!

This time i took it calmly. Because i have been through it before. So, no more surprises. Furthermore, i am beginning to like it staying at home.

However, i gave last Friday as the final day to cross the bridge. You see, i always believed in keeping the family together. Husband and wife should stay together. Father, mother and children should stay together especially when they are young. When they couldnt not make any memories of us. So, the past twenty years of working had been placed second to my desire to stay working wherever Kamarul is. That was why i took unpaid leave. And then i knew that the possibility of me working here was there.

Everytime a job offer that required me to move to KL, i would consult my Tuan Guru. I would tell him that there is this promotion waiting for me, but it is in KL and it means we will split the family. He would then gently advised me to let the job go, to stay behind. he would cite a few examples and he would give me doa to read improve the situation.

There were many times like this. There was once a promotion was offered by a Big Boss. I was afraid to turn it down. Afraid to offend the Big Boss. Again, i went to Tuan Guru. Again, as always, he would gently advised me to decline. He gave me a phrase to recite.

There was another time when i found my work was too much. My children were asking alot of my attentions. I was having problems with my maids. I wasnt sure what i was doing was correct. Was my intention correct? Was my niat for Allah? Or only for the sake of the money? Or worse, for the sake of a title?

His answer quietened me. He said,"Siapa yang mentadbir dunia ini? Allah ke? Atau kamu?"

I was speechless. I hung my head in shame. How could i say anything? With that kind of questions?

He looked at me, feeling the burden that i felt i had to carry.

He then said gently, "Rasulullah s.a.w pun lagi sebok. Sebagai nabi dan tak pernah lupa hubungan baik dengan isteri dia. dan dengan anak-anak dia..,"

I nodded in agreement. How could i forget. A fine example in our Prophet.

He could see that i was not fully comforted. He then gave a doa to ease the burden that i carried.

I took the advice and then the doa home with a happy relief heart.

That had been going on for almost ten years. When it comes to choices between work and family, i felt that his advice was to maintain the family.

So, when last Friday, when it was final that i could not work here in Alexandria, where i was offered to look after Sub Africa instead, i asked Kamarul not to submit the signed resignation letter that he had with him yet. I asked him to see Tuan Guru one last time.

Imagine to my surprise, contrary to my perception, he told Kamarul not to let me quit. In a stern voice. Three times the questions were posed. Three times the same answer were give.

When Kamarul sms me this, i was shocked. There was i, been grooming myself for the last one year for this final day. So that i am ready. Ready Willing and Able to become a Stay At Home Mom.

But it is the other way round. He cited that his own tuan Guru, Hj Imam Ishak never lets his pupils not working.

How could this be? Takkanla i am posted in some god forsaken country in middle of Africa? I cant do that.

Much later, after the advice, i found out that the job is actually based in KL. Phew! what a relief. And the possibility of me travelling to this African continent is great. Thus, i could make a detour for visit. (But how did my Tuan Guru know about this... Hmm. I thought i was going to work in dusty shanty houses backward towns...)

I tried to find the rationale behind this. All this while he always give family life precedence over work. But he never told me to resign. I just didnt notice it. I was the one who make the assumption that i should quit work over family.

Could it be that i am not ready to live the life of a zuhud? I read once when people let go of their material wealth as well as their life vocation, it didnt actually brought them closer to Allah. Instead, the loss of material comforts and vocations pushed the man away from Allah. The man began to covet others. In which gave rise to other bad akhlaq...

On the other hand, when the man has all the comforts of this world, he always praised Allah. He was always with Allah. Seeing Allah in all the bounties that he received, He felt He Was Not Alone. He felt that Allah was with him.

But when he became poor, he thought Allah had forsaken him. He felt apart. No more near...

Maybe i am. I am not ready. I think i am not ready to live the life without financial independence. Living a life as person whom i have been groomed up to all my life.

Wallahu alam.

All i know, i will be making my way back to KL soon.

And I will be joing Nad of Tanta, Yustiez of Mansourah leaving this Egyptian land.

Itulah.. kita nih tak boleh panjang angan-angan.. olie cakap gitu kat Dorin masa olie beritahu tentang olie dekat Dorin and Nana hari ahad lalu. Dorin pun kata, ahah... dalam hidup ni tak boleh panjang angan-angan. Hmmm, ye tuh..kata Nana...kita lalu aje hidup ni... apa-apa yang datang kita terima dan kita buat.. nasihat yang bagus tuh... alah...sedih la... nak tinggal Nana dan dorin... baru nak mesra... kita chatting banyak2 balik nanti k?!!

Tapi sebelum balik, apa lagi??... Shopping..shopping banyak2...

Nak beli jubah banyak-banyak. nak beli baju jaket with matching long skirt banyak-banyak. Nak mula kerja la... jadi kenalah pakai baju cantik-cantik.. Baju baru. Baru ada semangat nak bangun pagi pergi kerja... Mansyaya, Mahatram.. tunggu olie mari ni ya... Nana dan Dorin dah janji nak temankan...

Isk...isk olie nih... baru cakap fasal zuhud... mana pergi zuhud tuh???? Mmmmm.....

Below another song from Native Deen which questions the niyat, the intentions of doing something. Very suitable for my situation now eh??

Waking up in the morning, gotta make my prayer
Am I really gonna' make it, when there is no one there?
Taking trips to the masjid (mosque), even when it's tough
Am I going for the sake of Allah? Am I showing off?
Gonna' get me the knowledge, gonna study Islam
Am I going just to build my ego? so they call me “the Man”?
Does it matter if the people respect me, when its not for Allah?
When I know anytime He can take me, without one real du'a (prayer)
Does it matter if they say I'm a big shot?
when I get no reward for my deeds
And I'm dragged on the Day of Resurrection
Cause of the folks that I wanted to please
Plus I know that Allah has the power
To raise me up in their eyes if it need be
I should always make my intentions, for my Lord, Allah completely

[Chorous]
Are my Intentions alright?
Am I doing for Allah?
When I'm looking deep, deep down inside
Do I have the right niyyah?

Wearing thoubs with a kufi, kufi
Miswaks leather socks like the old days
Am I trying to follow the Prophet? or am I seeking praise?
Giving talks on Islam to people
I'd be quoting Hadith and Qur'an
Am I speaking so they like how I'm speaking? and they say I'm “the Bomb”
Donating to Islamic centers, giving money so the Deen can grow
Am I giving for the sake of Allah? or is it for show?
Many times I have found my intentions
Are not what I want them to be
I know I start on the right direction
But Shaitan starts talking to me
And I forget that without my niyyah, I'm just wasting my time
My intentions cannot bring the reward, when they're out of line
So I pray to Allah to help me, to do everything for Him only
Doesn't matter if the people despise me
Cause with Allah I can never be lonely

Yah Allah, accept this niyyah
Coming from young Muslims striving to be believers
So on the day, our deeds You'll measure. Know we only did this strictly for Your pleasure, Your pleasure
Your mercy, Your ajur (reward), Your Jannah (heaven), forever and ever and ever
And reward us for those who listen
Heeded to the message, changing their condition
And know that everything up until this point I've ever written
I submit as my repentance
And if its blessings You're sending my way
I beg You hold them to the judgement day
so maybe in Jannah you can look back and say...
it was a lovely day, a lovely, a lovely day, yes a lovely day
Are my intentions, alright, am I doing for Allah
When I am looking deep deep down inside, do I have the right niyyah (intention)?

[Chorus]
Are my Intentions alright?
Am I doing for Allah?
When I'm looking deep, deep down inside
Do I have the right niyyah?

I am Not Alone! : Allah Sentiasa BerSerta

2008-10-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

I was blog hopping. found this on some bright young singaporean girl, that i had to have the source for the You-tube..

I hope you all enjoy this, as it rings very true.. for me that is. After what seemed a long deliberation, at a bridge that i am supposed to cross. At a crossroad that i am supposed to turn. After many pauses, many twists and turns, that brought along the emotional upheaval, i have to face the bridge. I have to face the crossroad. Well it is here. Confirmed. Right in front of me. Smacked on.

No more dilly-dallying. No more saying i will only cross the bridge when i come to the bridge. No more postponing.

It is here. Now. Today. Al'aan.

I have chosen. As i have always chosen.

And i believe, i am not Alone : Allah Sentiasa Berserta...

What i chose, Allah is with me...

Hadis Sahih Bukhari Jilid 4. Hadis Nombor 1997.

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a katanya: Nabi saw. bersabda: "Allah berfirman: "Aku menurut dugaan hambaKu terhadap Aku dan Aku bersama dengan dia, apabila dia mengingati (menyebut) Aku. Apabila dia menyebut Aku dalam hatinya, nescaya Aku menyebutnya pula sendiriKu. Dan kalau dia menyebut Ku di hadapan orang banyak, nescaya Aku menyebutnya pula di hadapan orang banyak yang lebih baik Kalau dia mendekatkan diri kepada Ku sejengkal, nescaya Aku mendekat kepadanya sehasta. Dan kalau dia mendekatkan diri kepada Ku sehasta, nescaya Aku mendekat kepadanya sedepa. Dan kalau dia datang kepada Ku berjalan biasa, nescaya Aku datang kepadanya berlari."

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

Single mother raising her children
And Now she's a Muslim
Started praying and wearing a headscarf
It Was a healing for her heart

Struggling with no one to lean on
But with prayer she would be strong
Had a job but then she was laid off
Got a better education and it paid off

She was called for a job that she dreamed of
Close by, great pay -she was in love --
They brought her in -- told her shes the 1 pick
You got the job, but you gotta lose the outfit"

It's a tough position that you put me in
Cause look at my condition, and my two children
But I'll continue looking for a job again
Cause my faith and my religion I will never bend

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

Peer pressure, they were insisting
And I was resisting
Some days.... I felt I would give in
Just wanted to fit in

I know.....when I'm praying and fasting'
They be teasing and laughing
So I called to my Lord for the power
For the strength every day, every hour...

one day there's a new Muslim teacher
Single mom and the people respect her
Just seeing.... her strength I get stronger
They can break my will no longer

You don't see me sweatin' when they're jokes cracking
Never see me cussing' with my pants saggin'
I aint never running Yo Im still standing,
sorry I aint jumping on your band wagon, cause...

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

Now, I'm a tough one, who can bear their blows
The rest play dumb, they don't dare say no
Scared of being shunned, but its clear they know
I aint never gonna run, I aint scared no more....

Man, these sisters be resolute
Never stressed when the rest say they wasn't cute
And the get the respect of the other youth
Come best with the dress yo and thats the truth

These sisters are strong gonna hand it down
So me Im a brotha gotta stand my ground
No fear, Im tough Im the man in town
Peer pressure no more, its my planet now

Others may fall, but Im hold my own
With Allahs help I'll be strong as stone
And I'll be the one to let Al Islam be shown
Cause I am not afraid yo to stand alone

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

She was a He : What Do i Do???

2008-10-14T17:15:00.019+08:00

I received her email on the third of Syawal. After we came back berhari raya from Cairo. I had a peep at my email. There it was in my inbox; an email from her with a title Cairo.

She wrote to me saying that she wanted to come to Cairo. She said in her last visit to Egypt she missed seeing the Pyramids, the mummies at the National Egypt Museum. She also said she would like to see the insides of al-Azhar. She asks for my assistance. Like all my friends who came here, i tried my very best to make their holidays worthwhile, to get the best value for their hard earned money. So that they would go home enriched. So that they would go home enlightened. So that they would go home with good memories. Like i had.

Poor girl! Someone who missed out pyramids, mummies and al-Azhar in the trip to Egypt is totally unthink off! How could that be? Those are the staple things, the must-do things in Egypt. So, I thought i would make it up to her. To be able to see Egypt with the eyes of Malaysian guide. Who could speak Arabic Misr. Who knows the ins and outs of Cairo. Who is intimate with al-Azhar. So, who else, in this case. An ustazah...

There lies the problem. She kept insisting she wanted ustaz to accompany her. She jokingly said that maybe with the ustaz she had the possiblity of meeting somebody nice, alim in her life.

I kept insisting that, no... that it is not a nice thing to do. Not the done thing here. Especially amongst the Persekutuan Melayu Republik Arab Mesir. It is simply not done. No free mingling of men and women.

She still insists ustaz..

I said no, ustazah...

Then, it occured to me that there lies the problem. She wants to be with men. I said she should be with women. BUT!! She was a he! He should be with men then!! Or shouldnt it???

I am confused. I mulled over it for days. From the pictures, she looks very much like a she. Nothing like a he. Even better looking than Maya Karin or Vanida Imran. But i remembered her as a sweet soft young boy, twenty eight years ago. The memory was vague. After school, we parted ways. Only to meet again in our e-group eight years ago. By then, he who was once a he was no more a he. He is a she. The resemblance of the he that i know is very minimal. Even the mails sounded very feminine. The thoughts and feelings of only a she could produce. How could this be?

The e-group, we are close. Yes, growing up together definitely bind us together. Through thick or thin. In this case, our friendship is tested. We, the e-group readily accepts the new he, now, who is a she. We didnt ask questions. Occasionally when she came back from overseas, there would be reunions. All very supportive of her. Who wouldnt?! I myself felt pity towards her. The hardships that she faced. The emotional turmoils. The rejections. The ostracise. I could feel the pain. I could feel her turmoils with Allah too. Even though she was discreet.

I dont want to talk about her. Enough to describe my dilemma. Takut nanti mengumpat pulak. I would be making a sin towards her. I dont want to add to the many sins i had, have and will have.

I want to talk about what should be my reaction in this case.

I searched and searched all the official websites in Malaysia for cases like this. (Note : there were unofficial forums, but i am afraid to refer to them.) None came up with any answer. All gave the responses to the actual act of gender change. It is forbidden if no physical correction is needed. A physical correction is needed if and only if there exists dual gender physically in one person. Not even the existence of feminine thoughts and feelings in a man is entertained. That was quite clear.

But in the case of how should friends and families responded to that within the the rules of Islam is not mentioned. None. Takde sepatoh pon sebutnye. (ini dalam temerloh). Nada. (ini dalam sarawak. betulke?)

I then googled and googled for the English website. The websites are more encouraging. They were articles on how to repent. How Allah is Forgiving. Al-Ghafur. How she should go back to his initial fitrah. Whatever it was. Only Allah knows.

But still no answer to friends and families appropriate responses. To the gender change.

If she was a she, what about wudhuk? Would the wudhuk between her and the ustazah batal? Could she share the rooms with the shared bathroom at Rumah Pahang? Could she see me without my tudung? If she comes to my house?

If she was a he, what about her being in close proximity with the ustaz? Her being physically beautiful. As a woman. A woman that could match Maya Karina and Vanida Imran any day. Certainly she would not be accepted by them. The ustaz would feel very uncomfortable.

I am confused. In dilemma. What do i do?? I do not want to impose more problems to this poor soul. Who had been and seen so much in her life. More than i could bear. With no end to the problem. Would i taubat? Could i taubat? The past would always haunt me. Embedded in my presence.

Oh no... thats why, my dear friends. Surround yourself with friends who would lead you to Allah. Before anything like this happens. Before decisions made based on Nafs ammarah bi al-su’. Not based on the wisdom of a sheikh. Not of the guidance of a mursyid. On a Straight Path. Path to Allah.

My dear young readers, remember this, there is this story that if you have a welder as friend, all you will get is heat and spark from the welding torch. If you have a friend who is a perfume seller, you will at least get to smell the beautiful scent.

So which one would you choose? The heat that burns? Or the wonderful scent of a rose?

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

.
Hmmmm... O.. Please help me..

Last weekend, on Friday, the forum in my head was really loud over this issue. We had a young ustaz from Zagaziq for a visit. For Hari Raya. We treated him to nasi lemak and satay. The nasi lemak had variety of sambals to go with it. Daging dendeng, sambal tumis ikan bilis and sambal ikan. All leftovers. But still yummy. Just to entertain this young friend whom i called young ustaz.

(everybody enjoying the food)

(this time, it only took one engineer to bakar satay...hi Kak Rozie...be careful of the heat darling!!)

(we had it out in the garden.. where we could smell the jasmine from next door)

(who said ustaz is not computer savvy? i got my michael schofield, papa got his softwares, kids got their arabic lessons.. thank you...)

(at night, served Jamie Oliver's dougnuts)

(look at the girls waiting to devour them...)

(The forum was going on strong in my head. I was still mulling over. A she or a he?)

(next day, on Saturday, was treated to Nana's sumptous spread..i love it........yummy..regular masakan kampung style..tak berenti-renti meratah sambal goreng tuh..)

(again i thought about her as i took this shot...would i sit her with them at this table?? full of papa's office friends?)

(or with me the housewives?? hmmm...)

i am without an answer...

a he?

or a she?

It Is Raining : Winter is Here!!

2008-10-12T15:21:00.005+08:00

.. ..

It's raining

It's pouring

The old man is snoring

He went to bed and he bumped his head

And couldn't get up in the morning

I had originally wanted to write about something else this morning. For a long time, ever since i received the email. From Her. Yes, I was thinking about a friend. She sent me an email.

Whom was once a He. And now He is a She.

Maybe tomorrow. Ba'den ok? Mashi?

However, today being Sunday. Sunday is the day the week starts here. Weekend was full of wonderful activities. Early Sunday morning is not welcome. Not welcome at all...

To cut the story short,

this old woman

who lived in Kafr Abdou

she cooked for her man

her man went to Idku

big children went to school

they are not them fools

this old woman went back to bed

ooo little shakira will be late

heard it is raining

couldnt get up in the morning

drag my spinning head

ooo little shakira is late

.. ..

...

Yes, the rain is here. Shittah. The sure sign that winter is coming!!! Ugh.. i am not ready! I havent put all the summery clothes in the boxes. All the light flowing clothes got to go. The heavy wool dreary coats should be out. Aired and ready to wear...

Where did i put this long coat?? Hmmm

(taken last winter near the corniche... beautiful eh?? )

...... .......

chilly gales in winter

give her the shiver

whatever come hither

give hot chocolate to her

that will keep you out of danger

she will love you forever

(yummy hot chocolate from our favourite hanging out place...)

A short reminder, my dear friends, in Surah Ibrahim 14:32

It is Allah Who hath created the heavens and the earth
and sendeth down rain
from the skies
and with it bringeth out fruits
wherewith to feed you;
it is He Who hath made the ships subject to you
that they may sail through the sea
by His command;
and the rivers (also)
hath He made subject to you.

:-)

Be Intrigued with Unique Eccentric Egypt : Food Hawkers and Galabiya

2008-10-09T15:21:00.007+08:00

AHLAN BIKUM MISR...

A country with two names.

Egypt. Misr.
Cairo. Al Kahirah
Alexandria. Al Iskandariah.

Which one do you choose?
Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

These pictures were taken when we went for a walk along the corniche near Fort Qaitbey area. Thought would like to share with you snapshots of life in Alexandria which i find unique and eccentric..

These are the types of fish that they sell here. Nicely arranged in baskets. None are familiar to me. The fish from Mediterranean Seas are definitely of different lineage. I guess, like us, they would be the Caucasian lineage whilts we are the Indo-chine lineage...
Look at the bread hawkers. The bread looks like number eight, not much different from the shape of Auntie Anne's Pretzel. The taste is quite the same if the pretzels are left stale and without glazing. Here being sold on a food cart out on the open, with roaring cars and buses passing by...

This man sells sugar floss. Unfortunately, the floss is not that fluffy. Per packets sold are rather small pieces. sugar being relatively expensive. From my eyes, didnt look that enticing at all..What caught my attention the most is this man selling beans. Yes, just like when i was small, growing up in Bukit Angin, Temerloh where there was this small Indian man selling kacang putih (chick peas) in paper cones made of newspaper. I like the way he looked here, wearing the famous Egyptian galabiya... Very loose and long flowing..and the typical head gear.. unlike those in Kuwait and Saudis..

This brought me to the book that i have been reading very slowly. But i am happy to note that with the Grace of Allah, i am making progress..

I have now moved to Chapter 3 of Membentuk Jiwa Sufi. This Chapter is about Takhliyah dan Tahliyah. Dont be scared with the ominous title. I was too.I also didnt know what it meant when i first read it. The translation in Melayu means Menghapuskan Sifat-sifat Tercela Dan Menghias Sifat-sifat Terpuji. Well, to translate this back to English, hmmm, would be a challenge..the best i could come up with is Removing Detestful Bad Behaviours and Improving Good Behaviours. Anybody who could do better please help!

The book listed many bad behaviours, sifat -sifat tercela like hasad dengki, tipudaya, takbur, 'ujub, bakhil, riak, cintakan pangkat, kebesaran dan kemegahan, marah, mengumpat, membuat fitnah, berbohong, banyak cakap and so on.

To translate all those into English is another challenge. Normally it would be easy to use the internet to the translation, but no words in English quite match those awful bad behaviours. Even the word behaviour do not exactly explain akhlak. This made me wonder, why such words do not exist in English? Is it because it is not in the English speaking people to have such behaviours? Or is it those behaviours are simply not discussed or deemed unimportant? Thus, lies the answer in the lack of vocabulary to describe bad behaviours?!

On the other hand, those words exist a lot in Arabic. In every slight nuances of change in meaning, a new word is employed. For example, takbur, riak and 'ujub are all about the same thing. Not exactly the same but with subtle differences.

From what i understood, takbur is the sense of greatness i feel when another person looks up to me. Riak on the other hand, comes from myself, like showing off to others how good i am. Ujub is slightly delicate. Because this does not involve a third person, only within myself and my Creator al-Khaliq who Listens as-Sami, i feel proud of my own accomplishments...how shameful!

Ya Allah, i have too many...

Why do i find the galabiya man selling beans thought provoking?

I was reading this book last night when i came across this page 193. It talks about sifat marah, anger.

Al-Imam Abdul Wahab al-Sya'rani menceritakan bahawa Imam Syafi-ei r.a. adalah sebagai seorang yang terkenal terlalu baik akhlaknya. Ada orang yang cuba menimbulkan kemarahannya dengan berbagai cara tetapi semuanya tidak berjaya.

Akhirnya mereka menyuruh tukang jahit yang membuatkan baju Imam Syafi-ei r.a. supaya membuat baju yang lengan tangan kanannye terlalu sempit, sedangkan lengan tangan sebelah kirinya terlalu besar seperti karung. tetapi bagi Imam Syafi-ie r.a. bila beliau mendapati baju tersebut berkeadaan demikian, maka beliau berkata kepada tukang jahit itu; "Allah membalas engkau kebaikkan, kerana engkau telah membuatkan lengan bajuku sebelah kanan terlalu sempit untuk memudahkan aku menulis, tanpa aku bersusah payah melipat atau menyingsingnya dan engkau telah membesarkan lengan bajuku yang sebelah kiri untuk memudahkan aku bawa kitab."

In English, Al-Imam Abdul Wahab al-Sya'rani told a story about Imam Syafi-ei r.a. that Imam Syafie-ei was well known for a man of distinctive good behaviours. Many people tried to make him angry and proven futile. They once asked his tailor to make his shirt, where the right sleeve was tight. On the hand, the left sleeve was big and sacklike. Upon donning the shirt, he said this to the tailor; "May Allah thank you for making my shirt this way. You make the right sleeve tight so that it is easy for me to write with. I dont have to fold or to lift it up. You make my left hand sleeve big so that I can easily carry my book with it. "

When i read this last night, i couldnt help laughing... Here was a man, whom people played pranks to test his anger management, instead all he saw the good in it.

Thus, when i looked at the picture of the man wearing galabiya selling beans in Egypt. This could possibly the same type of shirt that Imam Syafi-ei r.a. wore. Because, he did spent considerable years in Al Kaherah, Misr. (read below... his biography)

Hope my dear readers are Intrigued with Unique and Eccentric Egypt like i had....

Early Life
Abu Abdullah Muhammad Bin Idris descends from the Hashimi family of the Quraish tribe to which Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) belongs. He was born in Gaza, Syria in 767 and became famous as Imam Shafi-ee. He lost his father early in life and was brought up by his mother in abject poverty in the city of Mecca. He spent much time among the Bedouins and acquired very great knowledge of Arabic poetry.

Life as Student
At the age of twenty, he went to Madina and remained there as a student of Imam Malik till the later’s death in 796. He also came into contact with other learned men from whom he acquired knowledge of the Holy Qur’an and the Traditions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad. Imam Shafi-ee possessed a very sharp memory and knew the whole of Imam Malik's Muwatta by heart. In 804 he visited Syria and from there proceeded to Egypt where he settled down. As a pupil of Imam Malik he was received with great honor and respect by the Egyptians.

Teachings of Imam Shafi
In 810 he went to Baghdad and there he was surrounded by a large number of students who were eager to acquire knowledge of the faith and practice of Islam from him. The Shafi-ee school of law emerged from these students who practiced and propagated the views and rulings of Imam Shafi-ee through their writings and preaching.
Imam Shafi-ee wrote several books, the most well-known of which is called Kitab-al-Umm, which is a collection of writings and lectures of the Imam. A number of his students have also collected his writings, lectures and rulings in the form of books, or quoted him in their books. Baghdad in Iraq and Cairo in Egypt were the chief centers of Imam Shafiee's activities. It is from these two cities that teachings of the Shafi-ee school spread in the 9th century.

During the time of Sultan Salahuddeen (Saladin), the Shafi-ee doctrine was the most prominent in Egypt, and to this day the Imam of the Al-Azhar Masjid is always a Shafi-ee and the Shafi-ee Madhhab is industriously studied along with that of the other three schools of the Sunnis.

During his life Imam Shafi-ee also suffered from political intrigues. For instance, after studying under Imam Malik in Madina he was sent to fill an office in Yemen, where he was accused of political involvement which resulted in his arrest. He was taken as prisoner to Harun al-Rasheed. The Khalifa however found him innocent and the Imam was honorably released.

Imam Shaafi-ee died in the year 820 in Egypt.

Chronology of Events : Eid 1429 ..... phew!!

2008-10-07T17:16:00.026+08:00

EVE OF EID

we celebrated Eid early this year by going for iftaar and takbir raya at Pn Habibah's house. She is the Atase Pendidikan (Khas) Cawangan Al Iskandariah..

before going we took a family picture in our pink/brown colour cordinated...

here, with Puan Habibah and anak2 manis of my earlier posting... i hope too much praise will not leave you tainted...k?!! Salaam dan Semoga Berjaya....

this is with the ustazah-ustazah...
imran with the ustaz ... mudah2an dapat berkat dan inspirasi

we did takbir raya... it was so wonderful..

DAY ONE

papa went for Solat Eid alFitri at 6 am...really early here... he was the first to arrive...though...then he immediately bakar the satay.. because our first guests are arriving

Nana's family comes early because they were going to Suez to visit someone there

here are the ladies remaining at Alexandria for Hari Raya..

we also celebrate Eid with our good neighbours..

but no, not the neighbours who lived in the apartments besides us..

we have satay with the bawwap of my building and the bawwap and his family of the garage across the street... it was really nice to actually eat satay with them... maybe its the first time in their life to eat lahma or fireh..before we went off to Cairo, we took the customary family picture and the forgiveness sessions..since no one else to become camera man, so we had to use the timer and placed on the table...today we are the purple family..at cairo, we went straight to Tun's open house ..... was happy to meet her delightful mom
here Papa with his office friend

from there we went to check in at Rumah Pahang

then we went to Rumah Sarawak with Ustaz and Ustazah...penat sungguh the gathering was at the roof top...

after Rumah Sarawak we went to another papa's friend's house there we meet all the Cairenes...

DAY TWO

First thing in the morning, no where else to have breakfast

we went to eat yummy kuah lodeh at Pegawai Rumah Pahanghere Haji Razak so jovial and warm welcoming us hungry folks

the ladies refused to budge from Kak Nah wonderful spread..and teh tarik the kids outside Rumah Sarawak....
outside Rumah Pahang waiting for our car...

to go to the Malaysian Consulate residence

the first group of three Petron@s families

to "attack" the Tuan Yang Dipertua Datuk Zainal Abidin bin Ab Kadir and isteri the only five Petron@s families TYT's residence

(the rest who are here on single status obviously has gone home or

some with families has gone home too or

went for holidays....)

am happy to finally meet the Scent of Jasmine in Egypt... the first to arrive but not necessarily the earliest to leave...off to another Petron@s family open house

apalah yang dicakapkan tuh... tak sudah2 dari ofis sampai keluar....

still going on strong at night we went to Dandy to buy some gifts met a Singaporean married to Egyptian...

promised to visit her next time we go to Cairo... on the way back we bought some burgers from Hardee's..

here my Flower waiting outside

actually want to take the picture of all those Egyptians

drinking coffee/teas and smoking sheeshah... their fav...pasttimes...

DAY THREE

we went home to Alexandria

on the way back we visited Hisham's parents and his family

with Hisham's mother and his wife.. look at Hisham's mother's face.. she is sixty three skin so smooth that i envied... whats her secret... i already asked..if you want to know have to pay some fees... papa with Hisham, his father and his two children

reached Alexandria, cooked some rice, ate all the leftovers and rendang Nana and wonderful ZZZ in my own bed...

late at night, we were hungry but wanted something simple... so what else..

the good old fast to cook, equally fast to eat maggie mee...beautifully served in the good old periok....complete with sendok... malas lah tuh.... we played monopoly till late at night... yeah.. mama menang... papa kalah despite of owning lotsa properties... hope its the same in real life.. mama is cash rich...yay me..

DAY FOUR

By the time its fourth raya, we are sick of meat and Melayu food...
thus as the saying goes, when in Rome umm in Egypt do as Egyptians do..

we ate at Samakmak an Egyptian Seafood restaurant

the abundance mezza....appetisers, baba ghanough, tahineh, aubergines, salads, ayesh...eating the mezza alone is already filling

before that, as the general Egyptians do on Eid, go out on the public park

we took a walk along the corniche near Fort Qaitbey

can you see my boy???

DAY FIVE

papa went to work

DAY SIX (public holiday 6th Of October)

mama went to bed with flu

DAY SEVEN

papa went to work

mama went to cook

children went to school

so that

they wont be a fool

and we have gruel

and papa are cool

all on seven feast days full

p/s untuk Ngah yang bertanya tentang raya akak di sini...

Belated Update : Satay was a Success!!

2008-10-07T16:17:00.003+08:00

the product

after the slicing, marinating, skewing, bbqing...YUMMY... tahun depan boleh buat lagi.....how many engineers did Melayu need to bakar satay????

3rd Syawal : Al Fatihah Allahyarham Adik Mohammed Faizal Kamaruddin

2008-10-03T06:01:00.002+08:00

Tersemat kemas di hati

kenangan lama di aidil fitri

adik tersayang berbaju melayu

segak tampan berwarna ungu

di beli kakak di kemaman

adik seorang dilayan lumayan

di manjai dibelai sejak kecil

hinggalah besar bukannya kerdil

adikku sayang sudah pergi

pergi dengan seribu mimpi

diambil Ilahi di bulan syawal

perginya adik terlalu awal

namun kakak ini redha

adik pergi kemalangan kereta

kakak sayang adik seorang

dihadiahkan alfatihah sebagai penerang

mudah-mudahan adik selamat

dilindungi Allah di akhirat

AMIN

Eid il Fitri 1429H

2008-10-01T06:17:00.004+08:00

Lah/Akak/MakNdak dan keluarga mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya dan Maaf Zahir Batin untuk kaum keluarga yang berada di Malaysia, di Australia, di Jepun dan di Russia. Lah/Akak/MakNdak rindu semuanye....terutama Mak tersayang....

Olie dan keluarga mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya dan Maaf Zahir Batin untuk Babah, Mama, dan kaum keluarga di Meru Heights ... kalau makan lemang tu ingatlah kami kat sini...

Olie/Rozilah dan keluarga mengucapkan Selamat Hari raya dan Maaf Zahir Batin untuk semua kawan2 sepejabat, kawan2 blogging, kawan2 yang selalu melawat blog...

Kullu Am Wa Antum Bi Khair !!

EMAK, Lah buat satay untuk raya!!!!

2008-09-30T22:07:00.010+08:00

Dari hari Ahad, Lah teringin nak buat satay, Mak. Tak tau knape... kita kat Lebak tak pernah pun buat... kalau nak makan kita main beli aje kan kat bandar temerloh, ya Mak...

Tapi Lah rase2 mcm konfiden aje boleh buat satay tahun ni... maklumlah... anak Mak ni pada bulan ni sejak semenjak dua nih... dah berani cuba mcm2 resepi...tak sangka plak boleh buat... tak rugi mak ajar masa kecik2 dulu masak sikit2 bila petang2 balik sekolah dulu tuh..

jadi, apa lagi lah mak.. Lah pun tengok internet... yela... nak cari resepi. jadi jumpa la resepi ni dekat blog Puan Hajar.. apa itu blog? Emak kate? eh lebih kurang orang tulis2 kat komputer la...

Hah.. ni dia resepinya Mak Lah salin kat kertas...
kelakar betulla Mak, Lah tak tau apa itu jintan manis, jintan putih, buah keras. Jadi Lah tulis kat internet tanya jintan manis dlm bahasa inggeris, jintan putih dalam bahasa inggeris, buat keras dalam bahasa inggeris.... anak Mak ni masa kecik cakap Melayu, Mak pon besarkan Lah cakap Temerloh... tapi tup2 dah besar panjang, dah tua gini tak gheti ckp Melayu... mmmmm...

Lah pun sekarng tau lah jintan putih tuh coriander, jintan manis tuh cumin, buah keras tuh nutmeg... malunye Mak... anak menantu Mak lagi tau.. Kamarul terror benar... hafal semuanye!

Jadi semalam, dia pegi beli kat Carrefour... yela... kat sini mana ada Pekan Sari mcm temerloh tu... Dia beli banyak jugak... enam kilo ayam, 2 kilo daging, kat rumah pun dah ada daging lama...
jadi berpeluh jugaklah nak menyiangnye... tapi umh Mak, bukan anak Mak yg buat semua tuh... siapa lagik la kalu tak menantu Mak tu... dia yang potong ayam, suku kan tulang2 tu...

ha Mak tengok nih... tulang2 yg Kamarul potong... ni boleh simpan ni.. boleh buat sop ke lain kali...

ni isi daging ayam yg dah dipotong. banyak jugak tuh penuh sebesen...

sambil tu plak Mak... ada bencana kecik skit semalam... paip sinki rumah giler sikit... patutnye air keluar pegi keluar rumah.. tapi ni terbalik kot plak... air dari luar masuk dlm rumah... habislah melempah dalam rumah sampai dalam dapur.... berbaldi2 kena angkat buang kat luar... mcm masa kecik2 dulu angkat air dari Sungai Pahang tuh... si Imran nak angkat sebaldi pun tak daya... apa lagila.. mak dia pun berleter, menghomes kat dia... mak dia kecik2 ari2 angkat air... mandi kat sungai bawak balik air ke rumah panjat bukit lagi tu...hai.. budak2 zaman sekarang ni.. hidup senang tak gheti nak hidup susah...

air busuk sinki tu Lah buang kat pokok kat luar rumah tu...tepi pokok kat tembe.. kalau tak nanti, jadik lembah pulak dalam rumah ni... jadi lembah kat luar rumah tu takpe la...

ha.. ni Mak, bahan2 yg yang di blender, bwg merah takde jadi pakai bwg besr warne merah. masuk bwg putih. halia masuk jugak.. halia tu Lah beli masa balik cuti dulu.. kalau nak beli sini mahal! macam nak beli daging pulak. serai pun bawak dari malaysia ari tu. lengkuas takde ... sebab dah habis...dah masuk dah segala jenis rempah yg dah Lah terjemah ke Bahasa Inggeris ni...

dalam resepi tu kena letak madu, jadi beli madu Mesir la... cantik madu dia... ni Lah tengah letak madu tu...banyak jugak kena pakai... nasib baik murah kat sini tak macam kat Malaysia...

tapi tup-tup lah lupa nak letak kunyit... ha kunyit ni aje rempah yang Lah tahu dalam Bahasa Melayu tak payah nak cari nama dalam Bahasa Inggeris... yela Mak takkan Lah tak tau nanti nak goreng ikan ke.. nak goreng ayam ke.. kalau tak tau kunyit tak tau la...
ni daging yang dah di perap dengan rempah tu... Lah rasa sikit sebelum masak bende gaul tu.... dah ada rasa macam satay... mintak2 menjadila...

lepas tu lidi tu, Pn Hajar kate kene rendam dulu dgn air...kalau tak masa bakar, lidi hangus... ha ini gambar Lah rendam lidi tu... kat sini banyak jugak lidi tu sbb org sini makan kofta pakai lidi tu...

ha ini Kamarul dgn Imran... siang tadi kerja dia cucuk satay... anak Mak ni dah siapkan rempah dia dan potong daging kecik2... pagi tadi sebelum subuh lepas sahur Lah buat kuah kacang... kali ni Lah buat betul2 ikut respi Pn Hajar.. selalunye Lah buat main agak2 aje ikut cara Mak buat.. tapi kali ni Lah buat ikut dia... yg Lah tengok lain dari Mak, dia letak bwg putih, letak lengkuas tapi Lah tak letak sebab takde, dia letak asam keping, Mak letak asam jawa.. dia letak belacan... lah tak letak sebab takut terkejut pulak tak biasa makan kuah kacang ada belacan... Lah ganti dengan udang kering sikit... dia letak gula merah... tapi kat sini gula merah mahal bebenor... dekat 30LE sekilo, dekat RM15... dahla tu susah nak jumpa... berapa hari dah jengok kat Carrefour takde... pergi Metro pun takde...jadi Lah ganti dengan air gula tebu hitam... macam dalam botol kat bawah... Hisham drebar kata bagus untuk budak2 makan... Lah bagi Shakira banyak masa dia mula2 datang dulu... sebab masa awal datang dulu dia selalu benar demam dan batuk2...

ni dia kuah kacang Lah.. tengok rupa macam okay aje... cium bau macam sedap aje...

sebab ada orang tak posa dalam rumah... pagi tadi Lah rebus sebungkus nasi impit Nona... yg Lah bawak masa mula2 datang dulu.. masih ada lagi... ini dia sebungkus yg baru rebus...lepas tuh... orang yang tak posa tu, cuba try test dulu kuah kacang ikut resepi Puan Hajar dengan nasi impit Nona... nak cuba try test kualiti la...

nampaknye... sedap.... menjadi... tak sangka...anak Mak ni boleh buat... ingat pandai mengira2 aje... pandai menulis2 aje...

sambil Lah masak menantu Mak jadi tukang betul paip pulak... abih di koreknye paip bawah sink sampai kebawah rumah... sampai masuk dalam garaj di bukenye.... bersembur2 air kotor penuh dgn minyak, nasi busuk dan segala macam sampah dalam paip terburai jatuh... kene kat Kamarul Mak... sampai terkejut bawwap kat sini tengok boss Melayu sorang ni pergi buat kerja macam tu... kerja kuli pulak tuh... baru terbukak sikit mata dia orang.. tak perlu kerja ada kelas2 pulak... tak perlu ada bawwap banyak2... buat sendiri lagi bagus.. tengok Mak.. lantai dapur rumah bersih tak de air berlinang... dah Lah mop dengan sabun fabuloso Lah bawak dari Malaysia... wangi... nasib baik jiran tak dtg nak cium bau mcm dlm iklan ya Mak??

kalu Kamarul tak buar, kalau tak oooi... terok macam kene banjir kecik kata ayesha... yelah... alhamdulillah Lah kan tak pernah duduk rumah kene banjir...banjir besar tahun 71 dulu pon, air keliling rumah aje... jadi tak pernah merase la mcm mane susah nye hidup bila rumah kene bah...

ha... ini tempat nak membakar satay esok..dah siap...ingatkan nak bakar kat tepi rumah aje.. arang dah beli dah...

rumah pun dah siap kemas... tempat isi air pun dah siap atur.. besok pagi tak payah kecoh2 Mak...

ini meja pun dah susun, tunggu cik abang bakar satay aje... nanti penuh la gerai satay tu kat luar tuh...tapi kalau ada Mak kat sini lagi best...tak sangke anak Mak ni boleh teringin nak buat satay... nila kali pertama Lah jadi tuan rumah masa raya puasa yg sebenar2nye.. sebab selama ini kalau raya puasa mesti dekat rumah Mak atau Mama sana... hai semua kene buat sendiri... kalau kat Lebak tu, Lah ni releks memanjang aje.. mane taknye.. kat Lebak ramai lagi yang pandai2 masak... kat sini semua kene buat sendiri.... hu hu hu....rindu Mak.. rindu Lebak... rindu suasana raya kat Lebak... tapi pengalaman Lah lalui selama sebulan puasa dan dua tiga hari ini nak siap untuk raya... banyak bawak makna untuk Lah.....yang Lah hargai kerana melaluinye...

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Nine

2008-09-30T03:59:00.010+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah MakNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih
Gulai Kari Ayam Leftover
Udang Goreng Kuning
Sambal Ikan Masin
Sambal Mangga
Timun

Dates with Almonds Siwa
Mineral Water Siwa

Since now is day twenty nine already, the cooking for iftaar is ramped down. Most of the time Madame Olie would peep into her dear fat Mrs Fridge and ask her, "What do you have today tucked in your stomache that i can recycle?"

So, today Mrs Fridge gave her an old frozen curry chicken. She said to Madame Olie grumpily,"There you go. This damn thing has been stucked in my upper chest frozen for a month already. Do get rid of it."

Mind you, no one argues with Mrs Fridge. when she said her stomache is full, there is no way that you could persuade her to put in some more. She would go into temper tantrums. The contents spilling out. Water on the floor. Her gut would be warm. Rendering everything rotten.

So Madame Olie gracefully accepted her gift. Thought hard what to do with it. And said, "Oh dear Mrs Fridge, could you possibly spare me some fresh prawns?

Mrs Fridge looked at Madame Olie in disdain, "What on earth do you want it for? Didnt I just gave you a big tupperware of curry chicken?"

Madam Olie lowered her gaze. Meekly she said, "I want to cook it for my kitty cat."

"Oopah... for your kitty cat.. huh...I dont believe you!" scorned Mrs Fridge.

"Yes, its true! My kitty cat doesnt eat hot food. She is still young. Please..." Madame Olie pleaded with Mrs Fridge.

"Ooo Mrs Fridge, to show you that I am grateful, let me tell you of this book called al-Quran. It has the most wonderful verses. It came from Our Lord."

Mrs Fridge was intrigue. She calmed down.

"Of all the 114 verses, I liked Surah Al-Fatihah. Because it begs from Al-Rahman Al-Rahim to guide me to the Straight Way. It had always soothed me. especially during those years when my appetitte was gone."

"Hmmm....hmmmm.... I remembered that," nodded Mrs Fridge in agreement.

"But now, for a few years already, I like this verse. It is surah Al-Rahman. Here, let me read it to you...."

Mrs Fridge grumbling became quiet. The door didnt rattle anymore. No more water spilling down the floor.

====================================================================

Surah Rahman

In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful.

(Allah) Most Gracious!
It is He Who has
taught the Qur'an.
He has created man :
He has taught him speech
(and intelligence)
The sun and the moon
follow courses (exactly) computed;
And the herbs and the trees -
both (alike) prostrate in adoration
And the Firmament has He
raised high, and He has set up
the Balance (of Justice),
In order that ye may
not transgress (due) balance
So establish weight with justice and
fall not short
in the balance

It is He Who has
spread out the earth
for (His) creatures

Therein is fruit
and date-palms, producing
spathes (enclosing dates) :

Also corn, with (its)
leaves and stalk for fodder,
and sweet-smelling plants.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

He created man
from sounding clay
like unto pottery,

And He created jinns
from fire free of smoke:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

(He is) Lord
of the two Easts
and Lord
of the two Wests:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

He has let free
the two bodies
of flowing water,
meeting together :

Between them is a Barrier
which they do not transgress:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Out of them come
Pearls and Coral:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

And His are the Ships
sailing smoothly through the seas,
lofty as mountains:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

All that is on earth
will perish:

But will abide (for ever)
the Face of thy Lord,-
Full of Majesty,
Bounty and Honour.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Of Him seeks (its need)
every creature in the heavens
and on earth:
every day in (new) Splendour
doth He (shine)!

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Soon shall We
settle your affairs,
O both ye worlds!

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

O ye assembly of jinns
and men! If it be
ye can pass beyond the zones of
the heavens and the earth, pass ye!
not without authority
shall ye be able to pass!

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

On you will be sent
(O ye evil ones twain!)
a flame of fire (to burn)
and a smoke (to choke):
no defence will ye have:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

When the sky is rent
asunder, and it becomes red
like ointment:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

On that Day
no question will be asked
of man or jinn as to his sin.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

(For) the sinners will be
known by their marks:
and they will be seized
by their forelocks and
their feet.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

This is the Hell which
the Sinners deny:

In its midst
and in the midst
of boiling hot water
will they wander round!

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

But for such as fear
the time when they will
stand before (the Judgment Seat
of) their Lord,
there will be two Gardens-

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Containing all kinds
(of trees and delights);-

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

In them (each) will be
two Springs flowing (free);

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

In them will be Fruits
of every kind, two and two.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

They will recline on Carpets,
whose inner linings will be
of rich brocade: the Fruit
of the Gardens will be
near (and easy of reach).

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

In them will be (Maidens),
chaste, restraining their glances,
whom no man or jinn
before them has touched;-

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Like unto Rubies and coral.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Is there any Reward
for Good - other than Good?

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

And besides these two,
there are two other Gardens,-

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Dark-green in colour
(from plentiful watering).

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

In them (each) will be
two Springs pouring forth water
in continuous abundance:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

In them will be Fruits,
and dates and pomegranates:

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

In them will be
fair (Companions), good, beautiful:-

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Companions restrained (as to
their glances), in (goodly) pavilions;-

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Whom no man or jinn
before them has touched ;-

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Reclining on green Cushions
and rich Carpets of beauty.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?

Blessed be the name
of thy Lord,
full of Majesty, Bounty and Honour.

====================================================================

"You see, Mrs Fridge, none of my Lord favours will I deny," affirmatively said Madame Olie.

"Oh indeed. It is the most soothing verse that I have ever heard. So calming. I could feel the Rahmah enveloping me. Guiding me. Nurturing Me." said Mrs Fridge ever so softly in her most sweetest voice that Madame Olie had ever heard,

Together in unison, in harmony, they prayed,

"Ya arhama rahimi narhamna. Amin"

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Eight

2008-09-28T17:37:00.001+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih
Sambal Telor Goreng
Gulai Lemak Ikan Masin dengan Nenas
Ayam Goreng

Nasi Beriani Malawi
Trifle Malawi
Samosa Malawi
Savoury Dumplings Malawi

Dates with almonds
Teh Tarik AyahNdak
Mineral Water Siwa

Today, i cooked Sambal Telor Goreng. This menu is inspired by Neeza of Jubail. I saw that one day she posted the dish in her blog. I could see the pieces of eggs in it. Telor mata kerbau. The white egg with the egg yolk in the middle. The eggs were soaked with red chilli sambal sauce. Hmmm ... absolutely yummy.

I have been wanting to cook the dish but never found the approriate time to do it. As you would probably guessed, i am a fan of eggs. I lurrve my eggs. Any which way its being cooked. Simply hard boil plain. Hard boil pindang. Soft boil with kicap and with crispy buttery toasts. Fried with cruchy bits at the side but all runny and gooey at the centre. Eggs in coconut milk or gulai lemak telor. Eggs in curry or Gulai Kari Telor. Hard boiled or fried eggs with sambal tumis. Anything, you name it as long as it has eggs as the main ingredients, i love it.

My friends used to joke that, "Olie, cepat kaya u nanti... asyik makan telor aje."

He he he... i am still not rich though even though i like to eat eggs.

Thus, i really ate the iftaar today to my heart contents. I noticed everyone is like that too. The rice that i cooked was finished. More than usual.

Today we also received alot of dishes from Ayesha's friend who is from Malawi but with Indian descent. So, suddenly twenty minutes before iftaar we have a lot more dishes.

Thank You. Alhamdulillah.

Talking about eggs, i remember that when i was small i had to share one egg with my older brother Hanif. Whom i am supposed to call Abang. But we played together often and our age gap is only two years apart, i sometimes only called him Hanif. Not until my younger brother Allahyarham Faizal were born that i started to call him Abang. Because by then i was called Akak. Before that there were only Hanif and Lah.

So, since small i had to share almost everything with him. Especially the food. There would be one chicken leg to be shared with him for every meal. Or one half boiled egg to be shared with him. Normally, for breakfast, before school, my Emak would make sure we have proper meal. We left the house really early in the morning whilst it was still dark. And we came home at almost 3 pm in the afternoon. Thats why Emak make sure we had good breakfast everyday. So, on the days that she cooked half boled eggs, she would "suap" us to make sure that the egg was divided evenly between the two of us. Sometimes, i would place my portion on a piece of bread. To make it more filling.

(i lurrve eggs like this)

That went on for a long time, as long as i could remember of my childhood days. Not until Long, Ngah, De left home. Because maybe by then the food would be a little bit surplus. Or maybe we were already bigger.

Abang and i would always play together. We played with our cousins Teh, Tam Sino, Tam Sakinah and Su. Those were my staple friends on daily basis ever since we moved to live in our current house now at Kampung Lebak in 1969. The house is on top of a hill facing Sungai Pahang.
Abang rarely played the role of big brother conspicuously. He would do it on the side and not so obvious. I remembered once while Teh, both Tam, Su and us were playing safari. Everyone had to pretend that they were an animal. I didnt remember what animal i was. We were having fun. growling, howling or grunting like the animals we were. Playing just in front of the balcony of the older part of the house. But all i remembered that my cousin Su, was something like a rhinocerous. He threw a small stone at me pretending to be a rhino butting me. Instead, he miscalculated that the stone hit my forehead. I was angry. I immediately chased him.

Why is this small, chubby girl had the courage to chase after this fast boy? Indeed why? Where did she get the courage to do so? Of course it was because Abang was there. I could see that he was just on the sideline observing us. Ready to step in if anything happened. Even though he just stood there, i knew that he was my back up.

So, this lion Lah came roaring chasing Su all over the kampung. He was quick though, that he somehow managed to hide somewhere. I think Allahyarham Mak Tam helped in hiding him. If not, i wouldnt know what would happen to him. My poor cousin Su. Now he is a matured man with a family of his own aand children aged as mine. Su is now a highly respectable teacher.

So, there were many instances in my childhood that events like this happened. That i knew Hanif was at the side to save me from my scrapes. Or to get me try new things. We were always catching dragon flies. Catching them in variety of colours. Red, green, multi colours, big or small. Taking the larvaes of butterflies from the banana leaves and observed them metamorphosized into pupaes and then finally orange butterflies. I could bathe in the deep and fast flowing Sungai Pahang confidently knowing that he would be there too. Even at school, i was this "lembik" girl but nobody dared to pick on me because i had this "brother" at school.

So, in retrospect, if Long played the big brother role, Ngah played the second mother role, De played the big sister role, Hanif was the walking cane when i had to venture out in this world. The walking cane that helped me explore the world.

(the greens in front of our house that we used to play..)

I am glad now that he is at home staying with Emak. I am happy to see that he doesnt mind sweeping, mopping, cooking, doing the laundry or any household work at home. I salute him for doing the sweeping and mopping the floor of Emak's kampung house regularly. Because it is no easy feat. The house has very high traffic, of course since my Emak is there, the matriarch of the family. Sometimes, thirty four of us would be there. Going in and out. The mess that we made. Hanif would cheerfully cleaned it every morning.

Sometimes, i saw him cooking stir fried vegetables for Emak. You see, whenever Emak doesnt feel like eating, whenever she lost her apetite, she likes to eat vegetables. If they were simple stir fried vegetables, she would eat them with a little bit of rice. That is her main staple food. I am glad that life circumstances had brought Abang home to Emak. To be around for her. When Allahyarham Adik has passed away.

With little Iman, Hanif's youngest son in the house would bring joy and cheer to the house with his delightful antic.

Yes, as usual, like i mentioned many times, Allah is al-Rahman al-Rahim that Abang is there with his family to take care of Emak. Thank you Abang, Tam Ani, Dayah, Linda, Mohamad and Iman. Akak/MakNdak rasa lega, feels relieved that you all are there..... To look after her needs, to cheer her, to hassle her, to make her feel needed, to keep her company, to make her laugh, to distract her from cying.

You all are lucky too. How i wished that i have her with me, to have Emak around. To draw strength from her patience. From her constant solat and zikir and mengaji. To have Tok for my children. To gain a seventy year old perspectives for my young naive children.

Thinking of Abang. Thinking about myself. Thinking about where i am now. Thinking the children we were. thinking the old man and woman we are . Thinking about me. Like i have told you before, i am very slow reading the book Membentuk Jiwa Sufi. I am now only into Chapter Two. Chapter Two is about taubat. Everyone is required to bertaubat. To repent and seek forgiveness from Allah.

What i found is that it is very difficult to do taubat, to repent if i think i had done small, insignificant (caution who i am to decide what is small, insignificant) sins. The smaller the sins the harder it is to repent fully. On the other hand, the bigger the sins, the taubat would be very sincere. This is from my observations only. If i am wrong, i am opened to be corrected.

In the book, on page 93

"Apabila manusia itu menghampirkan diri kepada Allah dengan melakukan perkara yang disukaiNya maka Allah akan kasih kepada mereka. Bila Allah kasihkan mereka, Allah tidak mahu melihat apa-apa kekurangan atau kecacatan pada diri mereka, lalu Allah pun tutup kekurangan mereka itu. Setengah daripada kemulian dan kemurahan Allah (yang dikurniakan) ke-atas para hambaNya ialah apabila para hambaNya itu melakukan maksiat kemudian bertaubat, kemudian dilakukannya lagi, kemudian bertaubat pula, Allah menerima taubat mereka tersebut."

Ya Allah, i am like that. Forever returning to my sins. I am ever hopeful that You would always forgive me.

I then thought of this man whom i know. He was a drug addict since his early twenties. For decades he was addicted. For decades he repented, he quitted and stopped taking drugs. Countless times he went back to drugs.

I often wonder during those time when the taubat came, and he self volunteered to go "cold turkey". This is a term where addicts suddenly stopped taking drugs. His total body would then go into a total withdrawal system. The least would be for two weeks, sometimes it could run for months on ends. With no sight of ending. I was told that when withdrawal symptoms occur, the total body, all his muscles including the brains were twisted and wrenched apart.

No different from a woman in strong labour. The strong one minute apart contraction just before the baby's head appear. Imagine that. During delivery of Jannah where i rated the most painful labour, i had really strong contractions from 2pm until 9pm. A meer seven hours. And the pain was only concentrated around my womb and my back. I felt like i had no hope then during the long seven hours. I clung on strongly to Kamarul's hand, closing my mind to the excruciating pain. Shutting them out by listening to him reading the al-Quran to me. I felt it went on forever-ever and ever and ever.

Now, try to imagine if that same pain were all over the body. Every single muscle in the body is not spared. Inluding the brains. Twitching. Twisted. Wenched. Spasm. Tortuous in every sense.

Endless. Non stopped. Not knowing when it will end. I just couldnt figure it out. How he survived. How could he go through that. Over and over again.

Just because his body were so chemically altered that he couldnt run away from the addiction.

And at the same time, his desire to taubat, his himma is strong. He picked whatever strength in his frail body, to taubat, to "cold turkey', to experience hell, in order to return to You, ya Allah.

Thats why, it humbled me whenever i see this, it humbled me that here is a taubat so great. That mine is nothing.

InsyaAllah. Allah is Kind. Al-rahman. Al-Rahim. Al-Ghafur.

May Allah grants you Husnul Khatimah. Amin.

May Allah grants us Husnul Khatimah. Amin

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Seven

2008-09-28T01:46:00.004+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Goreng Malawi
Ikan Goreng
Mee hoon Putih AyahNdak

Donut ala Jamie Oliver
Dates with Almond Siwa
Teh O
Mineral Water Siwa

After Solat Zohor, we went to San Stefano Mall. We wanted to buy some things at Metro, a supermarket there. San Stefano is an upmarket mall right up on the corniche. It is attached to the Four Seasons Hotel. But this mall, however upmarket, would not even come up to par with our malls.

Personally, i think, Bukit Bintang Plaza and Sg Wang Plaza are so much better. In fact, the size is about Low Yatt. The only good thing here is that it is a new building, unlike the rest of Alexandria. And it is by the seaside. Facing the beautiful Mediterranean Sea. Where the sun looks glowing in the sky. So clear red. Its hues reflected on the blue azure of the sea. I never get tired watching the scenary. Always breathtaking. Always rejuvenate my feelings. Whenever I am feeling down, I take a look at this beautiful sight that Allah has created, would always lift my spirit.

We were passing it on the way back from Mandhara last Thursday that Imran asked me, "Why Mama, there are always so many couples on the corniche? Look, there's one. Another one. There two. Over there... endless. From Mandhara until now..."

My answer was "Romantic. It is a nice romantic place."

But my poor boy who is not yet into those sort of thing looked blurred. He didnt understand it. That how could a scene, a place, beautiful breeze in the air, caressing the hair ever so gently, salty smell of the seas could put someone in a romantic mood. He would say, "What is romantic mood anyway?"

"You will, my five thousand good boys. You will!"

So, by the time we came home it was almost Solat Asar at 330pm. Thus, when i started cooking it was already late.

Shakira had been asking me to make her a doughnut. That she described as the dough being turned and turned and poked in the middle to make the belly buttons.

She said, " Mama lama tak buat kuih yang pusing pusing tuh... Pusing pusing pusing, lepas tuh adik cucuk tengah buat lubang tu..buat pusat."

So, I normally complied when she requested because she is just a finicky eater. And mama darling kitty cat.

I had wanted to make the normal doughnuts that I usually made. What I called doughnut kampung. No fancy ingredients. Just the yeast, flour and little sugar. Thats it. But Jannah was adament that I tried the doughnut recipe in Jamie Oliver cook book that I received from them as birthday present. So, of to page 419. Of to Doughnuts With Old English Spiced Sugar. Since I didnt factor in for the time for it to raise and I started late, the doughnut was ready slightly after iftaar. It is okay because we still would have it for desert though.

So, here below a picture of the doughnut which I thought was delicious. Never thought that I could make one that could beat the taste of Dunkin Donut Cinnamon Sugar.

(Anyway, in my last trip home, when i ate the Dunkin donuts, i found that the doughnut was different. No more like it used to be. It was lighter. Less tastier. A lot have changed in one year. i wonder why do they change the recipe. i am a fan of Dunkin doughnuts. Have been for the past twenty years. The taste had remain the same all those time except the last time i ate. Now, it become like any other doughnuts where the doughnut is very fluffy, more air, than the actual dough.... To all those die hards fans, taste it, and see if i am right ...)

Everyone helped. i mean all seven of us had a hand in making it. Or rather fourteen hands. Even Papa, Imran and Shakira. But the main helpers were my anak2 dara Ayesha, Jannah and Rifqa. We really had a good time. Even Papa helped poking holes in the belly of the doughnuts turning them into belly buttons as Shakira said. See, my budding young ladies, my anak2 dara helping me at the final stages.

It is so nice that now they come to the kitchen regularly. Before it was nothing like that. Those are the downside of having a maid who does all the main cooking. My children hardly went to the kitchen before. i didnt blame them. i was like that too. i only cooked possibly on weekends and on special occassions only. And that was that. On busy office days, i wouldnt even be near the stove. Maybe just to boil the water, thats all.

Before only the older girls washed their own plates and cups after eating. Now even Rifqa and Imran helped. Not only they washed their own dishes, they also helped to wash others. Look at Rifqa helping to clean up after the cooking. See underneath her chin, there is some sugar from the doughnut. Must be so delicious that she dug into it.

For iftaar, Papa made his famous mee hoon goreng putih. That is what it is. White fried mee hoon. It was fried white without any other sauce in it. No tomato ketchup. No oyster sauce. No soya sauce. Nothing. Just the beautiful taste of garlics, onions and seafoods and pepper. Yummy. The children like it. i like it. Papa discovered this dish accidently one morning last June when he decided to surprise me with breakfast. After that, it became a favourite dish to everyone. Because, my tastebud, i like things when it is simply cooked or cooked with simple ingredients.

There you are, suami mithali, a model husband, who cooks regularly, washing and tyding up too.

I guess, for him, growing up with five other boys in the family was a good training ground. All boys with one daughter Julee, the boys had to do themsleves. Being in MRSM Kulim was another training. With the finale of seven years independent living in Sydney.

Additionally he has a father who was a policeman. His father, my father in law whom i called Babah, is a disciplined man. He is no disciplinarian though. He doesnt enforce the discipline to others. He himself is very disciplined. What i meant by that, he makes his own coffee all the time. He never lets my mother in law Mama makes for him. He washes the dishes all the time. In fact he always clean up everything, yes kullu hagar, after the meals, including the pots and pans and wiping the table. Ooh I forget, he sets the tables too. Cleans and prepare the rooms whenever all his menantus came to visit. Yalah... from five boys, he gets menantu, five daughter in laws. So he instantly gets daughters. Yang manja-manja... LOL. And we are all from the same age group. We get along well with each other wonderfully. Ooh...during Hari raya time, during Eid, i missed talking with Kak Mariani, Kak Ros, Kak Aizah, Julee, and Azira... It has been a long time we could all sit together and and just chit-chat...

Babah was always smartly dressed. Once showered, his hair would be neatly combed, his curly ruffled would be tightly controlled. His perfume could be smell from everywhere around the house. My mother in law would always say that Babah always smell so much nicer than Mama.

Yes, how i hoped for that kind of life. When both of us retire. insyaAllah, if the children are not too busy, to come and pay us a visit. If not, i would understand. You have to live your lives. As i had lived mine. As Papa had lived his.

Go out in this world. Roam the world and make your presence felt. Do your part. Help the world grow. And prosper. Where people lives peacefully. Respectfully. Never of any lack of basic material needs. Never want for more wordly desires. In obedience to Allah.

Be a Khalifah... My Darling Children....My darling nephews and nieces...

YES DO BE A KHALIFAH....

(ayesha, jannah, rifqa, imran, shakira)
(nisya, nuar, farhana, wawan, amalina, hakim, ikmal)
(kak long siti, ngangah, nan, lan, hadi, adam, azizi, aiman)
(mirul, firdaus, liyana, syafiq, farzana)
(hidayah, linda, mohamad. iman)
(syamir, syariz, syazril)
(redzuan, azlan)
(amy, adlin, aizad, ida)
(annas, eva, mohamad, yusuf)

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Six

2008-09-27T01:52:00.004+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah MakNdak Kafr Abdou

Popia Basah Anak Dara
Kueh tiaw Al Iskandariah

Dates with Almond Siwa
Teh O AyahNdak
Kopi O AyahNdak

Today, I made Popia Basah for the first time in my life. Like I said, I am always game to learn anything new. Furthermore, popia is a savoury dish. Definitely my cup of tea. It is also made of cheap ingredients. And my dear hubby absolutely loves popia basah. So, mentally, calculating all those pros in my head, all points to in favour of making popia basah.

I then googled for easy resepi of popia basah. So I found this site on myresepi. I looked at the recipe and I said to myself, mmm...this is achievable. I felt that I could do it. So, that was history. The whole Friday morning, we made the fillings, the condiments and the skin. By 2 pm, the first popia basah was already given birth in the Old Lotus Building Kafr Abdou. When I meant we, all the girls helped. Minus Shakira. Ayesha, Jannah and Rifqa helped into preparing the ingredients and finally the folding part. Yes, this budding chef has many assistants today.

I thought the popia was passable. From my tastebuds, I gave it a B. I expected an A because I read all the reviews that people wrote on how successful they made theirs. I thought I didnt do the skin that well. Only the fillings taste good.

So after iftaar, I googled for other recipes for the skin. I found that almost all popular websites used the same recipe. I found it strange because the recipe is as folows ;-

Bahan untuk kulit*
2 cawan tepung gandum
1 biji putih telor
3/4 cawan air
2 sudu makan cuka
secubit garam

(unfortunately, kak hanieliza and maklang dont have popia basah in their recipes)

When I did mine, I found that that mixture was really thick. Almost like a very wet dough. I had to add a lot more water than was told. Then, when the mixtury is more watery, it is easier to spread on a the non stick pan. The skin would be thin. But still, I am not fully satisfied with mine.
I noticed that I didnt follow one step. That is to leave the water/vinegar/salt mixture for at least 30 minutes. Maybe thats it. I didnt leave it to stand long enough.

I want to try again. I want to make sure next time I would wait for at least an hour before frying it. I want to see whether the mixture would actually become thinner and easier to spread on the pan. We will try again, insyaAllah.

I gave some to Nana. Despite of its unscuccessfulness. I gave her because I had mentioned it to her the day before that I wanted to try making one. I had told her that if no popia arrived at her doorstep. That I am suddenly quiet about. There is no news about the popia. Then she could safely assumed that the popia is not something to be shared. Not to be tried again..

What was wonderful, she said her boys liked it. It was finished in one minute. Whalloped and appreciated. That is what I meant by rezki. To me, the popia is so-so. But to her boys, they liked it. They received rezki then and there. Allah is al-Razak. You see, unexpectedly, from nothing, became something. Alhamdulillah.

I am always amazed when things like this happened. How unexpectedly Rezki is everywhere. If we look closely. Rahmah is everywhere.

Today, I also fried kueh tiaw. How do I get fresh kueh tiaw? In Alexandria? If at Kertih, I could buy some from the vegetable sellers at Pasar Tani Kertih. Or at L-Mart. Or maybe now at Rantau Mall.

I got it from Ustazah Aini. She made it for me. I had ordered it from her on Thursday. But she told me that the person who made them dont want to make them anymore. But I was pleasantly surprised when I went to her house. I wanted to collect the Nasi Tomato. Additionally, she gave me a packet of kueh tiaw. Syukran jazilan ya Ustazah Aini.

So, today, again, The Way I Like It aha...aha..aha... the menu is very simple. Popia basah and Char Kueh Teow.

I told Ayesha that I cooked the kueh tiaw this way because I learnt it from a Chinese man when she was very small. At that time, we were already transferred to Kertih. Ayesha had just turned two years old. I was heavily pregnant with Jannah. Papa was away in Merak, Indonesia. To comission one of his many plastic petrochemical plants. I had a two month assignment in Kuala Lumpur. I was assigned to learn the new Structural Analysis software. I was given only two months. At the end of the assignment I was supposed to have completed one structural analysis of a platform. It was a tall order. A consultant would normally take four weeks to complete one. There was I, a novice, who had never used the software before, were tasked as such. My physical state at that time was not of any help either. Ayesha was still very small. She would sometime go on her crying bouts, endless, that in reflection I didnt know how I had the patience to be always loving towards her. Jannah was really heavy in my stomache. Ooh... life little tribulations. But Allah is always kind, I was given preseverance and youthful enthusiasm. To endure all that cheerfully and with gusto. Thank You.

Oh okay, I digressed again. The office I was working was at Empire Tower. By that time, I had moved to stay at Crown Princess Hotel. Much nearer to the office. Furthermore, I didnt have any baby sitter then. My baby sitter had suddenly left me. Ayesha was sent to Taska Nuri at a road off Jalan Kia Peng. This way it was much better for me.

If I were to have the baby sitter, I would have to stay with Kak Aizah. All the way in Bangi. I had to negotiate the traffic on daily basis. I had to drive at least two hours everyday to get to work. Our old faithful Proton Aeroback. By then my Proton Knight was already sold. The car was manual. The PLUS highway was not like it is today. There was no SMART either. The section of road in front of Sungai Besi was under construction. negotiating the road from Bangi to Empire Tower was a nightmare. A pain to my left knee, my left ankle playing with the clutch. A pain to my back as well. But, one thing was always in my favour. I am tall. For an average Melayu girl. I am even taller than my anak2 dara. With that advantage, I could sit a little further. Thus my big protruding tummy would not touch the driving wheel. I could easily lean back. A comfortable two inch gap from the womb that bore my precious babies and the wheel. My hands were fully stretched out to hold and steer the wheel.

There, again, what was deemed a problem, with the baby sitter leaving while I was in KL and Papa was not around, had become a big help to me. Help from Allah in th midst of what I thought was troublesome.

I had long learn, in my life that things should be left to Allah. Even though how hard I try and try for something, if Allah doesnt permit, it would not happened. If I thought it would happened, but Allah had deemed it otherwise, at the very last minute it wouldnt happen. Over and over again, I was given these lessons. Again and again. Because this salik is such a stubborn student.

Of believeing that Allah is The Ultimate. Allah is the One who grants everything. Allah is the one who write my Qada' and Qadar. From azali. From the time when I was pure souls.

When I was asked, "Am I not your Rabb?"

And my clean, untainted soul answered " Yea, I do testify"

(refer to Surah 7:172)

Ya Allah, Ya Rabb, why dont I remember?

It would have been so much easier being amatullah...

Okay, back to the kueh tiaw story. So, daily, after office at 430pm, I would go to the car park. There was a workers' food court tucked within the car park. Not many people know of this hiding place. It was a food court not for the office workers. Not for the white collars. Nor was the food court for the blue collars. It was the food court for the brown collars. Where their collars became brown from the sweat of hard toil. Of menial labour. Of sweeping the floor. Of cleaning the toilet. Of lifting the heavy crates. Of washing the car. Of doing jobs that other people dont want.

But Allah is kind. Always fair. Al-Rahman. Al-Rahim.

But the place was hot. There were not enough seats for everyone. The air was a mixture of cloying food and smoke and gasoline. However, the food was heavenly. The food was delicious. I guess, if the place was cool and nice, the people from the higher strata would have visited it. All those white colars and blue collars. They would come in throngs. Displacing these brown collars. Making the food expensive. Making the food maybe less tasteful because too much demand but little supply.

Again. Allah is kind. Always fair. al-Rahman. Al-Rahim.

I would order kueh tiaw almost on a daily basis. Because the cook would entertain my request of no chillies, no peppers, no vegetables. I also ask to add prawns. My little Ayesha liked and still likes prawns. He would readily complied.

While making the kueh tiaw, he would talk to me. He would tell me what he was adding. How he added them. The sequence of adding. The amount. The heat of the fire. The method of stirring. The little details. The fine arts. The secrets of a chef. Experienced over time. Learnt over hot fires and tiring arms. And grouchy customers too...Or finicky pregnant women. Who could be agitated readily over nothing! Thank you for appeasing me.

Terima kasih Encik. Terima kasih kerana mengajar. Ilmu yang diberi saya sungguh hargai.

From that knowledge, I cooked the char kueh tiaw today. Everyone liked it. I liked them.

A good deed goes a long way....INDEED.

Who would have thought some good would come from this apek?

Allah had given me many lessons.

One of the lessons is that always look for the good in people. Always dont judge people. Who am I to judge them? I am amatullah. An amatullah who is full of sins. Who is always returning back to the sins. I am a nobody. Nothing.

i am nothing with Your Presence.

i leave all the judging to Al-Hakim. Who knows better. Who knows what lies burried deep in someone innermost souls. Who knows what the person would do next? And after. And after.

i hope that You are kind in judging me. i am full of defects.

So choosing not to look at other people defects, reminded me of the existence of my own defects. And

Ya Allah, ya rahimi narhamna. Amin.

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Five

2008-09-26T01:24:00.001+08:00

Menu Berbuka Bazaar Ramadhan Mandhara

Nasi Tomato
dengan Ayam Masak Merah
dengan Acar Timun
Popia Sira

Fresh Dates with Almonds Siwa
Mango Asr
Asap
Mineral Water Siwa

Today, I went to buy food from Mandhara. Went to pay a visit to Ustazah Aini and her husband Ustaz Faizal. So, finally Kamarul got to eat his nasi tomato. Not his wife cooks though. Sorry ya, sayang! Sakit sungguh belakang.

It was quite nice actually despite of the rice they use is of Egyptian rice variety. The rice here is shorter, rounder and more stickier. Almost like Japanese rice. However, Japanese rice is more starch and very soft when cooked. Of course, it is cheaper than the rice that we normally have in Malaysia. Thats why I presumed, the seller used this. Or maybe, they have been here too long to already acquired the taste for that type of rice.

In the morning, I saw all around the house, outside the window, the day looked slightly yellow. As it get later, by noon, the day was really yellow.

I was going inside my room to do Solat Zuhur that Hoda came rushing in saying, "Madam, Turab... Kathir"

Yes, indeed there were too much sand outside the house. On the ground, on the leaves, on the trees, in the air and everywhere.

Oooh... sandstorm! Now! In autumn. Normally this would happen in spring. That is what the local Egyptian said.

"Hoda, Ta'ala. Malabis. Gowa.. Taala..."

I called out to Hoda to help me take the clothes on the rack from outside of the house into the TV room. If not, the freshly washed school uniform would be all sandy. And have to be washed again.

"Hoda, shubbak mughlag."

There we we were rushing around the house closing all the windows. This new house had a lot of windows. And I had left almost all opened wide because of the majlis iftaar we hosted yesterday. I like it when all the windows are open so that the cool breeze would come in. Like I said before, cool breeze is indeed life simple's pleasures that I really appreciate. Furthermore, the temperature outside at night would normally be around 20degC. So pleasant.

The bawwap (doormen or personal asssistants) outside were also clamouring shutting the main door. The bawwap across the street also did the same. In fact on any good day, there would be at least seven or eight strong, able bodied young men sitting just outside the building. Sometimes the numbers could double that!

They would either be sitting around, enjoying a cup of really thick shai, if it is not Ramadhan or jesting with each other or wiping the cars or sweeping the entrance or whatever little jobs they could do to fill up the time. Just to keep themselves occupied until whoever they serve, call for them. Always ready for their beck and call.

Hmm...what a life. And what a waste of good men. These men could efficiently be used for something else which are more productive. Here is a nation of 77 million people. Highly densed population. In Alexandria alone, a small city, there are eight millions. But I dont see much products with Made In Egypt labels.

I once read in Egypt Museum that during Pharaoh times, the mummies were burried with statues of their personal workers. I presumed more or less like the bawwap of nowadays. Each mummy would have around 400 workers.

Why do you think one mummy have 400 workers? ? Too many you said? Being the usual calculative mind I was intrigued.

I found out that one worker would work one day. And for every ten days there would be a supervisor assigned. So, for a single role of being personal assistants, in a month, they would need 33. So, in a year, they would need 396 workers. How effective was that? A worker only do real work one day in a year. His supervisor, who supervised only one subordinate worked only ten days in a year. Do the maths here.. ..Work out the tool time. Oh yes calculate those actual wrench time here. We dont need fancy Accenture consulting company to do the survey. These were real because those statues are real! a living proof. An Exhibit A. That would pass any court in the world!

Maybe they didnt have some fancy consulting company Wood Mackenzie to introduce Operating Performance Improvement. No one to formulate Pharaoh Performance Framework eh??!! Maybe I should called Rohana or Noreen to come and help them with PPF?? Ladies, could you be transported back in time? I am sure you could. You all are angels right?

No wonder their civilisation are now ruins only!

Or is the case of too many bawwaps? Poor productivity or is it something else?

Hint. Turrap is sand. Too much sand is sand storm. What if the sand is darker and more like soot. What would it be? Furthermore, didnt I say that the sandstorm we have today is very uncharacteristics. Very out of the season. So? Guess!

Yes, I immediately thought of Dukhan when all it happens.

Where does this word Dukhan occur? Yes, Surah 44 in al-Quran.

Here I extracted from a commentary from the book of The Text, Translation and Commentary of The Holy Quran by Abdullah Yusof Ali -

Blest is the night in which Allah's Message
Comes down, as a Mercy to men, to warn them
Against Evil. How fractions of men to ignore
Or suppress such warnings? Proud Pharaoh
And his chiefs did resist Allah's authority,
But their sins rebounded on themselves:
They were swallowed by the sea; and their tilth,
Their gardens, their noble fanes and buildings,
And all the advantages of which they boasted
Passed to other hands. Not a tear
Was shed over them in heaven or earth.
Thus ends the tale of power misused.....

Ponder my friend. Lest we misused our powers. Lest we would also be like Pharaoh. That we ignored the Signs. We ignored the facts, the Reminders.

We were blinded that we are perennially encountering Dukhan. Smog in the physical world. So small. And yet so potent. To scientists its highly carcinogenic. Highly cancerous to the human cells.

To the spiritual soul, smog tainted the heart. Layers upon layers. With every misuse and abuse of power. The heart gets darker and darker. We became unable to see the Light. To receive the Light.

Ilahi anta maqsudi waridhoka matlubi...

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Four

2008-09-25T01:23:00.003+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih Beras Basmati Carrefour
Kari Daging Goreng
Ikan Hamour @ Garoupa 3 Rasa Letover
Ikan Hamour @ Garoupa Kicap Juwara Tomyam Leftover
Roast Chicken Wing Leftover

Mee Goreng
Roti Canai Telor
Roti Canai Sardin

Dates stuffed with Almonds Siwa
Grapes
Bananas
Mineral Water Siwa
Teh Ais AyahNdak...

Oooo penat... I am really realy tired today. I went to sleep at Zohor. Dead to the world until Kamarul and Shakira came home at 3 pm.

My head was heavy. My eyes couldnt sleep. My old body ache. The brain is in its unusual active mode. Buzzing around in my heavy head. It was so difficult to doze off. I tried to lay down in the TV room. No amount of twisting and tossing could shut the brain out. Then, I moved to the bedroom. Switching on the aircon. Slide in between the cool sheets. Shut my eyes tightly. Still having difficulty to calm the raging storm in my head.

"Ooo thats good Rifqa. As I am writing this, my little flower is massaging me. More dear flower. More.. yes, a little bit to the right. Ooo yes, thats good. Oooh my kitty cat Shakira is also rubbing my forehead. Ooo sheer heaven darlings... "

How I wished I had that this morning. Tentu sekali senang tidur. My eyes would close in an instant. Instead I had to force some zikir in the lataif on the forehead that finally the jasad calmed down.... ZZZZZ....

Since today I am so lazy to blog, I would like to paste a mail that I received from my MRSM Kuantan Third Batch group. I like its style of writing. First quite light hearted but eventually leads to something meaningful.

ENJOY...

Mengapa WANITA sangat Istimewa......

Mama dan Papa sedang menonton TV, seraya mama berkata. "..i letih la..dah lewat ni, i nak tido lah...."

Mama pun pegi dapur nak tutup tingkap dapur, nanti masuk pulak lipas...leceh pulak nanti..dah tu, ade pulak rice cooker dalam sink..rendam lepas makan tadi..basuh jap...susun pinggan kat rak, lap dapur..terpercik kena sambal masa masak tadi...check air panas dalam flask..takut habis pulak nanti malam anak nak susu...memang dah kering pun flask ni, jerang la air...sementara tunggu air masak, nampak pulak bekas gula dah kosong....salin la gula...check bubur untuk anak nak hantar ke taska esok..nasib baik ade lagi...ishh. ..ni lauk bila ni, semalam...dah beku dah...basuh la kejap....

pegi yard, masukkan baju kotor dalam mesin basuh...penat dah ni, besok je la basuh...sidai kain lap je lah...

tik...bunyi air dah masak...salin air dalam flask...ok settle...baru teringat tak sembahyang lagi...

on da way nak g bilik, papa tgk tv lagi...nampak pulak beg anak untuk hantar ke taska...check. ..baju 2 pasang, towel...towel kecik utk selsema...calamine lotion untuk sapu ruam...pampers 4 keping....alamak. .telupa pulak masukkan botol...basuh botol jap...ok settle...

ternampak pulak beg g keje...emm.. besok nak pakai beg polo coklat lah, asik2 pakai beg hitam ni je...salin jap barang2 g beg coklat...cek sume 6 poket beg, takut la tetinggal apa2..leceh pulak..selalunya barang yang tertinggal tu la yang nak pakai nanti...hishhh sempit la beg ni...hangin je...nak kena beli ni beg baru...rasenya 25 hb ni Sogo sale nih...mana flyers tadi ek...ha ni die..ok, catit jap kat yellow sticker, nanti lupa..ok settle...

Tetiba dengar suara papa..."..u buat apa lagi tu..tadi kata nak tido.."...."..yelah nak tido la ni..nak sembahyang jap..."masuk toilet..buat apa2 yang patut...cuci muka dulu..2 jenis lak tu...adoi..gosok gigi...sembahyang. ..pakai toner...pakai treatment cream...nak lawa and maintain punya pasal lah ni...nanti orang kata baru anak satu dah macam anak 4 pulak...huhuhuhu. ..

bukak almari...emmm. ..pakai baju hijau ni lah besok...gosok kejap..check baju papa, baju papa pun kena gosok jugak ni...kat bilik belakang...la, napa komputer ni tak tutup ni..gelas kopi pun ade lagi, dah bersemut dah..ishhh ...g dapur, basuh, sambung gosok baju...gantung elok2...kemaskan baju gantung2...masukkan seluar papa yang dah kotor dalam tempat kotor...ok settle..

dgr suara papa lagi..."..i dah ngantuk ni.."..

dalam pada nak masuk ke bilik...owh. ..pokok aku dah nak mati ni ha..lupa dah 3 hari tak siram...ok, siram jap...check jap pintu ni...sah tak kunci lagi...grill pun tak tutup..ni kalau tak check ni, senang2 je mat indon masuk rompak umah aku...

bukak lampu luar..ni mainan ni sepah2...masukkan la dalam bakul mainan budak ni...banyak nya...sampai bawah meja makan pun ade...

adoi.. ..ok dah ...ok dah boleh baring...adoi sakitnya pinggang...cium si comel ni kejap...selimutkan die...la..napa basah ni...emm, tukar la pempers ni...tak bagus la brand ni, nanti nak tukar lain la...nanti g Sogo 25 hb ni beli la skali...ok sayang tido k...kalau boleh jangan la bangun tgh malam ni eh..tido sampai pagi k...gud nite..sweet dreams...

aaahh...sedapnya dapat baring...mana pulak lotion sapu kurus aku nih...ha, ni dia...sambil sapu lotion kurus,,,setkan alarm...setkan program kerja besok...pg kul 9.30 ade meeting..ahh...boring. ..panas pulak lotion nih..dah la...emm..sedapnya lelapkan mata...ZZZZ

Ya Allah...terima kasih untuk rezekiMU hari ini,...mohon keberkatan dari mu Tuhan...

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Three

2008-09-24T02:45:00.012+08:00

Menu Berbuka Kampung Melayu Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih Beras Basmati Carrefour
Gulai Kari Daging
Ikan Hamour @ Garoupa 3 Rasa
Ikan Hamour @ Garoupa Kicap Juwara Tomyam
Ayam Goreng Rangup
Stir Fried Mixed Vegetable
Sambal Ikan Masin
Sambal Mangga

Keledek Goreng
Creme Caramel Anak Dara
Trifle Rainbow

Dates stuffed with Almonds Siwa
Grapes
Bananas

Fruit Cocktail
Air Sirap Ros
Mango Asr
Mineral Water Siwa
White Coffee Old Town Kopitiam

The Big Boss is here for two days. So, today is my turn to host him. After Nana's sumptous spread, I felt I had to add the appetisers section. You see, normally in my house, we dont eat a little first like most people do. Where after a quick iftaar they would do solat Maghrib. In our case, we would quickly eat everything and then do our Solat. I guess having more girls whom I assumed eat lesser, we would be finished eating after half an hour. And that also includes the clearing up too. All the dishes are washed and the food are stored away and the table is wiped clean. and my kitchen is back to its spotless condition. This way it would give the rest needed before Solat Isya' and Terawikh

So, I didnt really plan for any appetisers. Furthermore, I am not the sort of person who likes to make all this what I termed "leceh" food. A type of food in which one is not really full, not enough to satisfy the hunger pangs, but yet quite difficult to make. And sometimes, the ingredients would be expensive too. Thats why I am not a sweet dish cook . I prefer to cook savoury dishes whom I thought would be cheaper and would fill a hungry stomache more efficiently.

Anyhow, that is individual choices. I once had this friend who lived in Newcastle. No... Newcastle Australia. Not in the UK. She was confiding in me that she didnt like to eat junk food. But she also didnt like to eat alot. She said she only eat whenever she felt really like eating and only then she would cook. So, I was waiting in anticipation, what was she cooking whenever she really wanted to eat. She then said, I bake a cake. Yes, a cake! She said I would bake a cake. Just a simple butter cake. Which would have probably one chunk of butter and maybe four eggs and maybe some self raising flour. She would finished it all off by herself. In one go. I looked at her in amazement. There we were, both at that time had a BMI of 17.8, way below the underweight limit had this distinct eating habits. I was going through the maths in my head. Mind you, I am that sort of nerd. I like to calculate things in my head. I like to memorise facts. I like all those logical things. I once tried to understand Universe and in turn Our Creator by going through basic mathematical equations. Guess what. All those basic equations do point out to Allah's Oneness, Infiniteness and Greatness. Of course it is! You dumb! Nothing new. The Truth will always be The Truth. The Signs could be seen everywhere. Ayat-ayat Allah ada dimana-mana.
Oh... I am so easily distracted. So, this calculative mind said, wah, she could finish four eggs and one butter in one instant. Four eggs for me would give me four meals. Because I simply love my telor mata kerbau all gooey and runny sunny-side up with a little bit of Kicap Manis Cap Udang. One large chunk of butter would last me probably a month, if eaten with the cheap Coles bread, enough to sustain my lunch hunger at university. The maths certainly didnt work out. Didnt solve the equation for me. One side of the equation for me is I only had A$329 per month of scholarship money. The rent alone took more than a third of the money. It certainly didnt equate with eating four eggs and one large chunk of butter in one go.

Okay... I have put across my point! I had drilled hard why I couldnt appreciate sweet dishes. But that doesnt mean I couldnt appreciate those exquisite pavlova at Martin's Place. The yummy bubur kacang with durian that Suhaida made. Or the gooey creamy soft cheese Cinnabons. (Why dont they have that type of Cinnabons in Egypt???)

Back to my cooking. So, yesterday, I bought three kilos of chicken wings, three kilos of chicken thighs and two large hamour. Went home, as usual, no one else to do the cleaning, so I had to clean all that. Including the fish where the scales hadnt been removed properly. Ohh penat.. penat.. Then, cook the Easy Peasy (curi Elisa term) Roast Chicken Wing to bring to Nana.

Today, early in the morning, I cooked the curry and then prepared the sweet dishes. By noon, all the preparation was done.

But what I hadnt counted on was that majority of the dish had to be fried just before the iftaar. If not the food would not turn out nice. Ayam Rangup would have to be fried earliest one hour before, if not the crispiness would not be that crunchy that couldnt shake the pyramids. The two garoupas would also have to be deep fried just before eating, if not the crunchy bits coated with corn flour would be soggy and all mushy. Even though the 3 Rasa and Kicap Juwara Tomyam sauces had been prepared earlier. Still, I can only add them after the fishes had been deep fried to the point that it creaks, crackles and sizzles with its crunchy bits. The keledek goreng that was coated with tepong goreng pisang Adabi also would be limping if I had fried it much earlier. The mixed vegetables would also be a plate of wilted cabbages and carrots if stir fried earlier.

So, what do I do? A chef who was not even worthy of becoming Fifteen's apprentice. Naturally, all available hands in the house must help. So that all the dishes could be in one go. One hour before iftaar, our kitchen is just like Fifteen. I hope..

When iftaar was served, everything was sizzling, crackling, crunching that munching mouth savours.

Alhamdulillah. Everything was Just In Time. Even enough time for the main cook, to have a quick shower before the break. And changed into glamourous black jubah with pink floral motifs. If not, I would not qualify to be Anthea Turner Perfect Housewife, right?

I think it was a success. But, I would not do a menu like that anymore. Too many had to be prepared very near to the mealtime.

I am dead tired. Even now, as I am writing this which is actually 24th September morning. My posting would appear as 23rd. Doggone tired.......

I feel happy because of the few words that my no education Egyptian cleaner, Hoda said to me when she saw me cooking all the food. I told her, "Maglis bi lail. Iftar henna."

She said, "Masyallah, Good Madam, very good.. good akala people for iftaar... many hasanah... masyaAllah... "

She went on praising me as well as envying me doing that.

It occured to me that I used to think everything in terms of dollars and cents. Here I am, used to earn average monthly income of five digits, my one day salary could pay for a maid. Cooking all these singlehandedly. From shopping, cleaning, preparing, cooking, serving and then washing up. Hei... I could pay a maid to do that! It just doesnt do the maths! It just doesnt do the maths!Certainly it doesnt!

But wait a minute, could hasanah from Allah be measured in any way?

Could we know the amount of hasanah received for a single act? Would we get one hasanah for each dish cooked? Or Two hasanah for being more difficult dish? No one knows.

Could we know the value of the hasanah? One hasanah is in Egyptian Pounds or in Sterling Pounds? No one knows.

Hoda put some light into everything with that simple broken English comment. Who am I to measure which deed is worth more? Who am I to understand Allah's Bounty? Whom am I to deny Keredhaan Allah?

Ya Allah, I am now beginning to live in total dependence on You. I have just begun. Even though so many times You placed me, You forced me to feel that when I was in the high turbulence ride of Fixed Wing trips. And also during the past one year. I had not learnt. Where normally I would be the fastest and best learner. In this case, I am Your worse student.

I am so far behind.

I always wonder how it feels like Nabi Ibrahim in the fire. He had total dependence on you. He rejected the angels help. He had faith in You. That everything would be alright.

That Everything Is Good in Your Hands.

InsyaAllah, I have only just begun...

We've only just begun to live,

White lace and promises

A kiss for luck and we're on our way.

And yes, We've just begun.

Before the rising sun we fly,

So many roads to choose

We start our walking and learn to run.

And yes, We've just begun.

Sharing horizons that are new to us,

Watching the Signs along the way,

Talking it over just the two of us,

Working together day to day

Together.

And when the evening comes we smile,

So much of life ahead

We'll find a place

where there's room to grow,

And yes, We've just begun.

(Doing Solat Magrib together)

(the Perfect Housewives)

(the nice Big Boss... hopes he likes the iftaar)

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty Two

2008-09-23T03:59:00.007+08:00

Menu Berbuka Kampung Melayu Kafr Abdou

Mee Rebus Johor ala Al Iskandariah

Nasi Goreng Simple
Ikan Terubok Masin
Ayam Goreng Berempah
Roast Chicken Wing

Kek Biskut Marie
Pudding Hati U
Popia Salut Tepung

Red Dates
Yellow Dates
Sweety Dates
Air Sirap Limau
Kopi Tongkat Ali
Mineral Water Nestle

Today, Nana hosted us and the Big Boss from Cairo for iftaar. As you can see the menu was variety. My only contribution was the Roast Chicken Wing. The rest is Nana's wonderful handiwork.

When azan maghrib came, ignoring all the other dishes, I zoomed in to her Fried Rice. The fried rice is simple. No fancy ingredients. I dont see large chunky chickens. I dont find huge prawns. Nor squids hidden anywhere within. Not a single piece of vegetable around that I had to manouver. Thats the way I like it... aha..aha..Thats the way I like it aha...aha..

I like to eat it with Ikan Masin. And today what was special was the ikan masin is terubok. I lurrve ikan terubuk masin. Yummy!! Double yummy!

This way of fried rice reminded me of my mother in law whom I called Mama. Mama made this killer nasi goreng simple. The ingredients are only semi pounded shallots, dried chillies and udang kering. Somehow, it is the best nasi goreng in the world!. She would always prepare it for me whenever I went to visit her. The night before going to bed, she would ask me in her usual sing a song soft ways," Lie... Olie.. Olie nak makan apa breakfast esok?!!!"

Upon hearing that, I would perk up. Giving her my best sweetest smile, like a cat that had licked a whole plate of milk,"Nasi goreng Mama la. Of course, it is your wonderful fried rice."

"Hmm... mama dah pun masak nasi banyak... kot-kot Olie dan Bam nak" (my dear hubby nickname, why was he called that? eh..eh...guess, Bam is shorten version of which Malay word?)

The next morning, the beautiful aroma would be wafting through from the kitchen. Into the bedroom. Where this awful daughter in law would still be inside....

That is my darling mother in law... nothing like Ibu Mertua Ku... she is absolutely a gem!

Thats what sometimes some things, some scents, some sounds, would trigger certain memories in our lives.

The ikan terubuk masin also triggered another memory of a friend who likes to bring it from her hometown for me. The terubok was wonderful. I always looking forward whenever she went home or her mother paid a visit. I am sure to get one piece. Even if I dont get one whole fish, I dont mind getting the head. Because I simply love Gulai Lemak Kepala Ikan Terubuk Masin. Oooh... simply heaven!

Sure enough, after iftar, before going home, Nana gave me the head as well! Just like the other Sarawakian...that I know.

During iftar, I met three al Azhar students who took Syariah. They had finished their studies. They came to help Nana to prepare the sumptous spread.

I like them. Why? I had tried to run away from setero typing people. From placing a certain image to a certain character. However, bad habits are hard to shed. I clung on strong to the notion of Clothes Maketh The Man. In this instance, Clothes Maketh The Women... They wore black jubah. With the usual long scarves that covered the front and the back. They wore arm bands too, in case whenever the sleeves ride up, their aurat of the hands are still intact. They wore socks.

But what make them different? Those are all pretty the same thing that most Sekolah Agama students wear... Nothing different!

What make them stand apart from some of the other students that I have met here?

The differences are that they have a look of polished, poised, elegant and some thought or care were given to their total attire and their actions. Thats the difference.

With that, they came across very professional. This would be the very lawyers that I would like to engage.

They came across very pleasant. Making me feel instantly warmed towards them.

They came across very articulate. I would like to talk longer with them.

Yes, this is the sort of students I like. The new generation. They projected a good image. Not only projection of a good image, upon scrutiny, they are even better. Excellent!

I have met many students over here like this. Not only they are studying at al Azhar. Those who studied at Alexandria University too. There was one that I met, he is a hafiz too.

They have certainly bridge the big divide my generation had to face last time. Whether to go through the secular curriculum exclusively. Or to boycot the imperial systems and go for pure religous study.

Alhamdulillah. This is the progress I like seeing. There is no more division. No more oil in water situation. Where nothing couldnt be mixed. Now, what we are seeing is a new emulsion. A wonderful result of this success.

This brings me to the book that I have been reading for more than a year. A book that I had never gotten to finish. A book in order to understand, I have to be a faithful salik. I have to experience.

The book is titled "Membentuk Jiwa Sufi". The book is actually a translation of Tanwirul Qulub writtened by Syeikh Muhammad Amin al-Kurdi an Naqsyabandi. It was translated from Arabic to Bahasa Melayu by my Tuan Guru Dr Hj Jahid Sidek. He was a proffessor at University Malaya.

Here is an excerpt of the first paragraph in the book.

ORANG mukmin yang mahu mendapat keuntungan yang besar di akhirat yang telah menjalani jalan ke akhirat itu (al-murid al-salik) tidak dapat melepaskan dirinya dari berada di dalam salah satu daripada enam keadaan seperti di bawah ini :-

1. Abid (orang yang beribadat)
2. Alim (orang yang berilmu)
3. Muta'allim (orang yang belajar)
4. Wali (orang yang mengurus kehidupan masyarakat)
5. Muhtarif (orang yang bekerja untuk menyara diri dan tanggungannya)
6. Muwahhid (orang yang semata-mata mengesakan Allah)

Yang mana satukah amatullah ini, Roz Ilah ini? Salik yang tidak sentiasa berada di Jalanan. Kekadang kala tersimpang dari Jalan Yang Nan Lurus. Jalan Yang Benar.

1. Adakah amatullah ini seorang yang abid? Seorang yang sentiasa beribadat? Sentiasa berada di dalam majlis zikrullah? Tidak! Pangkah Satu!
2. Adakah Roz Ilah ini berilmu untuk masuk ke dalam golongan alim ini? Tentu sekali tidak. Rozilah ini kekeringan ilmu yang menjurus manusia mengingati akhirat. Ketandusan ilmu yang menggalakkan manusia meninggalkan dunia. Pangkah KeDua.
3. Adakah amatullah ini orang yang mencari ilmu dengan niat untuk mendapat keredhaan Allah? ooooh... Jauh sekali!. Pangkah KeTiga.
4. Adakah Roz Ilah ini seorang pemerintah, ketua negara atau hakim yang bertugas untuk mengurus kebajikan hidup orang-orang Islam? Tentu bukan! Pangkah KeEmpat.
5. Adakah Rozilah Kamarudin, Senior Maintenance Manager bekerja untuk menyara hidup? Menyara tanggungannya? Tentu sekali tidak! Pangkah KeLima.
6. Adakah al-salik nakal ini orang yang dapat mengEsakan Allah semata-matanya. Orang yang menghabiskan waktunya dengan Allah al-Wahid al-Samad semata-mata? Tidak ada yang lain. Roz Ilah ini bukan sekali Rabiatul Aawiyah. Pangkah keEnam.

Ya Allah. Enam pilihan. Enam pangkah. Banyak sekali pilihan. Tiada satu yang sangkut.

Tiada satu pun yang menjadi persamaan. Perbezaannya sungguh terang dan jelas. Tanpa diragukan lagi. Bagaikan warna hitam dan putih di sinari mentari terik.

Roz Ilah, anda adalah amatullah. Al-Murid al-Salik; yang mana satu pilihan mu?

Ya Allah,

Pilihan ku, pilihan ku, rasanya sungguh malu mahu dinyatakan. Sungguh kerdil diri ini dibandingkan dengan anak-anak manis tadi. RozIlah ini bersekolah Inggeris. Belajar Jurutera di negara jauh. Terhanyut mengikut lurah hidup. Mengaji al-Quran hanya setakat yang diajar oleh Emak tersayang. Malu sekali mahu menyatakan kehendak hati ini. Yang Engkau sudah tentu tahu. Yang tersemat jauh di qalbu. Dari azali.

Ya Allah,

Ilahi anta maqsudi waridhoka matlubi. Amin.

Ya. Pilihan amatullah ini yang tidak tahu malu. Yang tidak malu dengan kehitaman hati yang tidak dicuci bersih dengan namaMu. Lataif yang tujuh kehausan. Ketandusan.

Menaruh harapan. Untuk mencintai Mu.
Menaruh harapan. Supaya sentiasa bergantung dengan Mu.
Menaruh harapan. Tiada lain yang ditakuti kecuali Mu..
Menaruh harapan....

APAKAH PILIHAN ANDA?

TANYALAH HATI SENDIRI!

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty One

2008-09-22T00:30:00.006+08:00

Menu Berbuka Gerai MakNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Tomato oops Daging **
Daging Dendeng
Acar Timun
Sambal Mangga

Fresh Dates
Teh Tarik AyahNdak
Air Sirap Ros

Since yesterday, dear hubby wanted Nasi Tomato, I had decided to make Nasi Tomato today. The main dish to accompany the rice is Daging Dendeng. I have been thinking of making one for quite a while since I bought the frozen meat at Mandhara. I felt that if I used the more expensive fresh meat, it would be wasting. Since the meat would be subjected to all kinds of gory processes.

To make dendeng, first the meat would be boiled until tender. Since I started late just now, as usual, berjalan, visiting my new virtual friends... Ha ha ha.. Very addictive too... I boiled the meat in the old faithful pressure cooker. I think it had been with me for more than ten years. It was the most expensive cooking utensils that I bought ever. It costed me RM400 in 1996. At that time, RM400 was a lot of money for me. A quarter of my net income if you know what I mean. Additionally, I was paying the most expensive baby sitter then. Choices that I had made...mmm

Then, slice the meat thinly against the grain, and large pieces, if not the dendeng would not look nice.

Pound the poor boiled sliced meat until flatenned and some parts are separated or torn away.

To make it worse, rub kicap pekat manis to the boiled, sliced, pounded, torn, bruised meat...

Not enough with that, stir fry everything in hot oil.

Oh poor meat. What awful torture it was subjected to. So that justifies not using the more expensive fresh meat, that justifies using the frozen meat which cost half than its sibling...

But wait a minute, what happened to the Nasi Tomato. Why it became Nasi Daging? Well, as usual, the stock from the boiled meat was too much that I felt would be good to be put into the rice. So, instead of dear hubby got his Nasi Tomato, he ate Nasi Daging tonight. Poor darling.

Anyway, as usual, he liked it. The children liked it. Except Shakira, she still whallop the old kurma, yesterday's leftover of Gulai Lemak Ayam Tak Pedas Langsung. As I am writing this, she was doggone tired, she felt asleep already in my lap. (p/s Jannah said, Mama, we are your children, thus we are human! We are not snakes nor a dog!... he he he...)

Last week and this week I have been making new friends. I thought that it would be nice to "meet" new people since now I am of a different role. Banyak buah cempedak hendak dijolok kerana saya budak baru belajar. Yummy! New kids learning new skills. So, I must learn from the pro. To learn a tip or two. To be inspired. To be motivated. I must learn from the domestic goddesses around the world. There are so many!

Oh.. until when will I be domestic goddess since I am neither domesticated nor a goddess??

What I would like to share today is that I have been making friends with this lady. I first came across her in the expatriate forums that I used to surf. I noted that she adapted well in a foreign country with foreign beliefs. She looked happy. She sounded settled. She was kind. To accept many strays. She adopted a dog, and brought it with her with great difficulty when she moved. I was happy that she moved to the same country I wanted to move. At least, here I thought, a woman, whom I thought I would like to be friend with, had moved together and nearer.

A year had passed since I paid the forum a visit. Last week, I felt that I should look her up. See how has Egypt treated her. Had it been as kind as her last country? A more strict country. Where women are fully covered. Where women couldnt drive.

So, I put a search to her name in the forum. To my surprise, this topic came up. Cheating husbands! She had put a post on cheating husbands.

When I read that, my heart went out for her. This awfully nice lady, maybe slightly older than me, who had been tagging her husband around the world, to be in this situation. Imagine, putting a post like that in the forum. Oh... it tears my heart. Somehow, I could feel her pain. I could feel the pain of many women all over the world. To have built their lives around these men. But to be treated as such. To be discarded in one instant of lust.

Even though I had been lucky never to have experienced it in my married life. I had had close friends who did. Their lives were shattered. Their dreams were abrupt. The eyes were hollow. Their faces were lifeless. They had become cold!

They still breath. They still function. For the sake of maintaining status quo. For the well being of the children.

It is hard to pick up the threads again. Especially when the thin threads had been broken into many pieces. Strewn all over the memories. Scattered in the winds of dreams.

My dear new friend, time is our friend.

With time there will be healing....
With time the pain will be gone
With time there will be no grieving...
With time you will move on

Life do goes on..

CHEERS!!!!

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twenty

2008-09-21T00:55:00.006+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah MakNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih Beras Basmati Carrefour

Gulai Lemak Cili Padi Ayam

Gulai Lemak Tak pedas Langsung Shakira

Goreng Berlada Ikan Masin Talam

Sayur Campur Sos Tiram

Sambal Belacan Sarawak

Kuih Raya Sprinkle Nana

Mango Asir

Kopi O AyahNdak

Mineral Water Baraka

Shakira, my youngest had not been eating well for the past few days. She had been complaining of a mouth ulcer. Nothing much I can do with the ulcer. Have to wait for it to subside. In my case, if I had one, I would just simply rinse it with Listerine and it will soon go away. But my poor littel girl had to suffer. Kesian!

So, today I decided to cook Gulai Lemak Ayam; her favourite dish. Actually, early in the morning, dear hubby sort of indicated that he wanted Nasi Tomato. When I told him that, Shakira, my darling kitty cat does not like tomato based food and had not been eating well the past few days and I was thinking of cooking her favourite dish, he then said, "Eh.. Masak Lemak Cili Api would be nice too."

So, again, as usual, I cooked two versions of the same dish. One hot full of chillies, fil fil and another one no chillies at all.

I wanted to suap her, feed her using my hands after iftar. But twenty minutes before iftar she was pestering me for the "Kurma". She calls anything with coconut milk, kuah lemak, kurma... So, I gave her food and by the time maghrib azan came she still didnt finish eating. She ate three plate full of rice. More than my portion of eating tonight. She didnt even complain once of her painful mouth. she must have loved it so much.

Look at her how adorable whenever she eats anything that she likes.

Whenever this happens, berbaloi rasanye memasak. Puas hati. Felt really worth it that all the effort was really appreciated.

The rest of the children and dear hubby also whallop the Gulai Lemak Cili Padi version. They ate so much that they finished all the rice that I cooked. Normally, there would be some leftovers enough for sahur for those who still want rice then. But today, khalas, finished...

The chicken I cooked a lot too. I cooked more than two whole chickens just now. But all these hungry pythons devoured them leaving only a little bit for sahur. Nak masak apa pulak sahur yek?? Now I have to think hard what to cook for sahur... hmmm. Any ideas??

After eating three plates full of rice, Shakira was so full and I guess tired too because she followed her papa to the new Metro and internet provider just now, she fell asleep in the TV room. Belum sempat lagi Solat Maghrib Jemaah, dah merloh... (a new Temerloh word...)

Look at her, sleeping. so full of innocence. That I always feel a surge of love and thankfulness. Life simple pleasures in watching my children's sleeping. Any mom in the world would too. I felt the Rahmah of Allah. I saw Al Rahim. I experienced Al Rahman in those moments.

That's why my favourite doa:-

Ya arhama rahimi narhamna. Amin.

Ini gambar ayam kampung emak Olie. Olie tangkap masa balik kampung Ogos lalu. Emak Olie bela banyak ayam. Dia tak pernah risau kalau makanan tak habis. Dia selalu kata, "Ayam mak boleh makan tu.. "

Emak memang tak kenal En Tong Sam Pah. En Tong cuma kenal pampers busuk anak saudara Olie aje. Tapi ayam kampung emak memang laku dengan apek2 dari Durian Tawar, sebuah perkampungan Cina di Triang. Apek selalu datang cari ayam Emak. Mereka nak beli ayam. Tetapi mak jarang-jarang sekali nak jual. Alasan Emak, "Anak kita nak balikla.. Anak kita suka makan. Tak boleh jual.."

Itulah Emak Olie yang Olie sayang. Seorang wanita kampung yang berjiwa cekal dan tabah dan sentiasa berani mencuba benda baru.

I had initially wanted to cook Balady Chicken ( An Egyptian free range chicken, the same as Ayam Kampung). Thats why I put the Ayam Kampung picture. The taste is good. Just like our Ayam Kampung. Just like Emak's free range chickens. But, my darling who helped to take the chickens from the freezer this morning, took the normal Koki Chicken. So, today I cooked the normal chicken. But still taste good. Because the chickens here are quite small in size, less fat and tastier.

LOOK AT THIS. ENJOY!!

One whole kuali keramat full!

But if it were up to me, my choice would be the mixed vegetables and the salted fish. Yummy!

LOOK AT SHAKIRA, ALMOST INTO THE GULAI LEMAK AYAM. JUST COULDNT WAIT TO PUT HER MOUTH INTO IT.....

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Nineteen

2008-09-19T18:39:00.002+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Goreng Ikan Bilis
Fried Chicken Giblets

The best shortbread in the world
Fresh Dates
Air Sirap Ros
Mineral Water

All of us agreed that today we would eat something really simple. After yesterday heavy menu. Thus, the simple menu above. For me, I like it!!! Why?!! Because I didnt cook it, that's why. My dear hubby did it. Syukran Jazilan darling!!

The shortbread was made earlier by my anak dara, my budding cooks, Jannah and Ayesha. They took the cook book that they gave me for my 44th birthday. They decided to make the shortbread because the ingredients are all there. (And maybe, tunggu mama dia tak buat-buat jugak)

My conclusion: Jamie Oliver is certainly a good teacher. Thats why he can set up Fifteen. It turns out really yummy. I think my girls, oops, my young ladies had passed the test excellently. So, I gave them each a merit, just like at school. Certainly make their day. For me, as their mama, is equally happy that they can cook. Even though, the cooking skill had skipped a generation, by passing me, it didnt skip their generation. Keep up the good work girls.

In the cook book, the recipe was called The Best Shortbread In The World; and I totally agree with that. Without contest!!

So, here is the recipe, for us to share :-

250g unsalted butter
125g castor sugar
250g plain flour
125g semolina or corn flour

Cream butter and sugar, add flour and corn flour. Pressed in baking tray. Bake at 300degF.

Voila! You well get the best shortbread in the world.

p/s I never thought that I would be posting a recipe on my post... he he he ... Ini pun bukan tuan empunye diri yg memasak. Takpelah, sebagai kitchen manager bolehla....

This shortbread definitely will not meet En Tong Sam Pah that Neeza had introduced... Laparla En Tong hari ini...

p/s Hari ini saje nak cakap benda yg tak berat2. Entry semalam adalah berat untuk Olie. Sudah lama tak teringat kisah di bumi sejuk yang mentarinya hilang tak dijumpai. Tak sangka di dunia ini terlalu penuh dengan kekejaman. Yang olie jumpa tersepuk di depan mata sendiri.

Alahai... apa kata kalau terjadi kepada Imran, anak Olie sendiri, atau terjadi kepada Adnan, anak saudara Olie, atau terjadi pada Long, abang Olie sendiri. A'uzu billah..

Yang itu cuma dua hidup yang Olie jumpa. Cuma dua insan yang merintasi hidup Olie. Terlalu ramai yang mengharungi hidup sebegitu!

Apakah yang kita lakukan??!!

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Eighteen

2008-09-19T03:52:00.006+08:00

Menu Berbuka Kampung Melayu Kafr Abdou

Nasi Lemak
Sambal Tumis Ikan Bilis
Sambal Tumis Sotong
Ayam Goreng Rangup

Spagetti Bolognaise Ala Olie

Mee Goreng Basah
Mee Goreng Sarawak Nana

Fruit Coktail
Almond London Cookies

Air Sirap Ros
Asap
Mineral Water Siwa

Today, I invited Nana and her family to come over for Iftar. So, that was the menu for the above. Surprisingly, I didnt feel stressed out having to cook for twenty people all alone by myself. Amazing. This is my first time cooking fior many people all alone without any help. I never thought I could do it. The children was at school. Kamarul didnt come home late until 30 minutes before berbuka. Yes.. I did it all alone. Quite an accomplishment for me. This woman who was so used to having maids to help her. At one time, I used to have two even!! No wonder my domestic skills part hadnt been polished at all! Bukan digilap, tapi berkarat!

What was amazing to me was that I did it all after 4pm. So I did the cooking within 2 hours. Before that, in the morning after sending Shakira to school at 9 am, and then wait for my cleaner to arrive. I wanted to tell her that to spruce up the garden and the chairs a bit because we are having majlis bi lail, an iftar reception tonight. Then, with my limited Arabic Miah, I told her, "aghsil kullu mish hugurat" (clean all except the room). Then I said, "Ana Naam" (I sleep). So, I locked myself in the room, slept right through until 1 pm.

You see, I was so sleepy because I didnt sleep from 2 am the night before. I was accompanying Ayesha to finish off her Biology coursework for her IGCSE. It is a major part of her IGCSE which is equivalent to SPM. Then, I did Solat Zohor, get ready to collect Shakira from school at 3 pm. Since Asar is now at 330pm, I did my Solat Asar first before cooking. There you go, thats why I started late. And yet, I felt very confident that I could do it. I even had the time to present it nicely too. Unfortunately, I forgot to take picture of the beautiful table spread. Anyway, if I took it, I couldnt upload to the laptop because I still couldnt find the cable for my new camera. Thats why all my blogs had been very boring, no pictures. I am really worried now that I may have left behind the camera box. Hmm maybe back to my faithful SiDopod.

Apart from Nana's family, we had Pattani and Indonesian students came for the iftar. It was nice to be able to talk to them. I am happy to see that there are Pattani students here. I remembered in 1990, in Trondheim, Norway, I had befriended Pattani men who sought refuge from the Thai government there. They actually obtained refuge status there. They came to Norway with a one way ticket and then surrender to the Norwegian government that they are running away from Thailand. Norway being one of the countries who suscribe to the freedom of people readily accepted them.

They told me gory stories on what happened to them. In which I wouldnt want to recount them here. For you imagination, it was no different from Guantanamo Bay. It opened my eyes to what had happened in our neighbouring countries. Right next door neighbours. I couldnt imagine here are these men, fresh from their backdated little village with minimal secular education, except for the faith in Allah, were transplanted from their homes to Trondheim. A secluded, lonely, dark, wet, wintry, chilly, windy town. They couldnt even speak English. The Malay they spoke was very thick skewed version of Kelantan. I had difficulty understanding them sometimes. And in Trondheim only the few educated ones spoke English. Most spoke Norsk. So they learnt the new language, adapted to the darkness. Get used to the coldness. Make do with the loneliness. They picked up a new trade. Being uneducated. They became general labour. So that they could be self sufficient.

I wonder what happened to them? Now it is almost 18 years being there. Are they still in Trondheim? Had they found new life? Had they given up their spirit? Their dreams? Their belief? I will never know. (Then, there were no emails and smses. I used to get love letters from dear hubby on weekly basis. Yes, actual handwritten ones. That I still keep and treasure very much.. One cant really do that with sms yes? With emails maybe, but does anybody keep all the emails considering the ease of getting one?)

My faith is renewed. My heart is enlightened. My hope is revived. Whenever I see and meet many Pattani. Especially if I meet those who would help in keeping their society intact. Alhamdulillah... May the spirit of Abdullah and Termizi who suffered and sacrificed so much live on!

I was happy to meet two Indonesian students who hailed from Kalimantan. They are here sponsored by their own parents. Alhamdulillah again to this new discovery. To this wonderful information. That part of Borneo is impoverished. And we still have them here. InsyaAllah it means promises that the Light of the Al Deen is still shining there.

May we continue to light all this lights, however small around the world! Amin

p/s Since I had graduated to cooking for twenty pax. My dear hubby, or maybe not so dear anymore after yesterday, said that we will be hosting the Hari Raya celebration with the students in Alexandria.

100 pax? Oh dear? Is 100 pax enough?

The students here could run up to 500 pax? What shall I do?? Please help. I dont even know how to estimate food of that amount. I have to ask a few people. Any body know???? Pleasse help. This time, early on, I surrender, I need volunteers...

ANYBODY???!!!

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Seventeen

2008-09-18T01:02:00.009+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah MakNdak Kafr Abdou

LEFTOVERS of choice

Kushari Hisham

Dates with Almond Siwa
Shai Bi Laban
Mineral Water Siwa

Today, Kamarul has gone to Cairo. I think this Ramadhan, he had gone to Cairo, three times already. Thats why I am taking the opportunity to finish off the leftovers. However, unexpectedly, our driver's wife is kind enough to give us Kushari. A macaroni mixture which is typical Egyptian dish that Imran likes. He was hankering for it for the past few days. But the shop does not sell Kushari now in the middle of Ramadhan.

Ugh... I still remember when I had to travel during Ramadhan. Leaving the family behind. Leaving the children. Leaving Kamarul. I really hate it.

I hate it that they would be breaking fast without me. That they would be eating sahur without me. That I was not there to cuddle them. That I was not there to sooth their day's troubles. That we could not do solat Maghrib jemaah together. That we could not have our late night conversations. That we couldnt enjoy the quietness of the night together.

That I was afraid of missing their childhood. That I was worried the closeness and the warmness of our relationship would be gone. That one day, I realised that the children were no more there. The children had become adult. Who had grown up and grown away from me, their mama. That, one day, I woke up to see that I am sleeping next to a stranger. There is no more we. That there is no more us. There is only you and I. No warm memories shared. We had grown old. But apart.

So what did I do?

I would negotiate myself out of the meeting. If that is not possible, I would try as much as possible to do it as a day trip. Leaving very early in the morning catching the 7 o' clock Fixed Wing flight from Kertih. That means I had to leave home by 6:20 am at least to be in time before Dajwi or Pian the helibase supervisor closed the flight manifest. I would reach Subang airport by 8 am. Then, there would be a mad rush getting to KLCC. If I was lucky I could get in before 9 am. Before the meeting start. If not, I would have to quietly sneak into the meeting room. Sometimes others who were there earlier would already saved me a seat and brought me into the meeting room.

In the evening, if the meeting finished by 3 pm, I could easily catch the Fixed Wing back from Subang to Kertih at 6 pm. Mind you, the flight back in the evening is for no faint hearted people. As you know, the small plane would fly over Genting. As you know in late afternoons there would always be showers... no.. heavy thunderstorms. Just imagine that this small plane whenever it goes through a small cloud, not even a thick one, it will sway sideways and upwards and downwards. Now, try to imagine what if it is thicker clouds laden with water and sometimes lightning flashing by... for those who are uninitiated, dont think of trying it. Your faith in tawakkal in Allah would be severely tested. Felt like we were gutted inside. The contents would come out any second. The hands clutching tightly to the arm of the seat. It would rip apart by the sheer pressure of those terrified hands. Some would pretend to go to sleep. Some would continue as if nothing happened. Some would silently prayed to the Al Mighty. I liked to watch the pilots. To take comfort in their confidence. To read the meter and gauges that that was visible to all the passengers. As if I knew how to decipher them. To look at the radar and to anticipate the next turbulence. To know how long this swaying would last. How long would we be in the thick dark grey fog that envelope us.

I always reflected that, then and only then I was actually living and feeling our dependency to our Creator. Really, when this happened, I silently asked myself why do I have to torture myself with this? Just to be home faster. Just to be there by a a difference of a few hours? Whereby, I could have taken the commercial flight to Kuantan? Whereby, I could have slept in the luxury of Traders or Ascot or Mandarin Hotel? That I would have extra time for shopping at Suria. Why didnt I do that?

When the weather is like this, the flight could also be delayed. Not because we took off later. But it took us longer to reach Kertih. We were in the plane longer. We were tortured more. Sometimes, Maghrib came whilst we were still in the plane. So, what do we do? There is no stewardess, ok? We only had a small glass of water and packets of dates . Oh... ok... I forgot to tell you. the plane only seats 19 pax. Free seating too. Before the flight, the co-pilot briefed us what to do and what not do in case of emergencies. He didnt even pass the drinks. We picked them up at the terminal before boarding. No frills. Very spartan. Even Air Asia is so much better!

With the dates that we got, we broke our fast. If we were lucky, there would be someone who had some food. I remembered Yati bought some Dunkin donuts for her kids. (In Kertih no Dunkin Donuts, k? Hopefully with Rantau Mall, we have). So, she passed around the donuts and we ate them in gratitute. Syukran Jazilan. It may have been one of the best breaking fast. When we have so little, whatever we get become a blessing. On the other hand, when we have so much, whatever we get become a curse.

I once did flying into KL for three consecutive days. By the third day, I was motion sick. I could feel that I am always swaying as if in the plane. Almost like being in the ship, feeling the sway of the sea. I thought I had made a record, travelling like that. I found that there were many other sisters the PMO angels who did the same. I certainly couldnt beat one PMO angel travelling day trip to Kota Kinabalu. I raised my hand in salute to you.

Sometimes, the meeting would run well into the night. If it finished before 9 pm, I was lucky. I could make a mad dash to KLIA. To catch the last night flight out of KLIA to Kuantan at 1230 am midnight. Sometimes, missing dinner so that there was enough time to change and endorse the flight ticket. Then, rushing in the small surau in KLIA to do solat Maghrib and Solat Isya'. (I dont know why KLIA has such a small surau inside the terminal. Memang sekangkang kera. Definitely a monkey size. Tak reti pulak nak translate kangkang. Literally.) If I was lucky I could grab a bun. But some days, the cafe inside the terminals were closed. So, milk was my saviour. Buat alas perut. Apa lagi.. lapar perut sungguh lah sepanjang jalan balik. (Guna cakap Terengganu sikit).

Finally, I reached home at 2 am. Working like a Dog. Hungry like a Wolf. But thank God that I would be Sleeping like a Log..... definitely Its Been A Hard Days Night

Yes, I have always believe that we ladies whether Stay At Home Mom or Work Outside Home Mom, will always have to be focus on who we are. We are always a wife and a mother first no matter what. The rest will come second.

But that doesnt mean whatever that comes second, we dont give our best. Certainly not in the case of PMO Angels.!!! Or the many sisters that I have met.

Like my favourite tag; wherever we are : TOGETHER, We Make It Happen!

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Sixteen

2008-09-17T01:47:00.006+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih Brasmati Carrefour

Assam Pedas Ikan
Ikan Goreng
Stir Fried Kobis

Mee Rebus Yummy Nana

Pizza Margarita Olie

Dates with Almond Siwa
Teh O AyahNdak
Mineral Water Siwa

Today I thought I wanted to eat very simply, one dish and one vegetable. Thats all. I thought I want to eat a really thick, hot and sour assam pedas spiced up with belacan Sarawak. I cooked really early this morning. While I was cooking, I was drooling thinking of its flavours and also thinking of all the other yummy assam pedas that I had.

The best I had was when I went to Melaka. I had a meeting there. I went early because the connecting flight from Kertih wasnt that good. I took the 1030 am flight from Kuantan to KLIA. Then, from there I took a taxi to Melaka without stopping for any lunch first. Thus, I arrived in Melaka at 2 pm. By the time I checked in, I was really famished.

I tried to contact my old school freinds there, Siti Bahuddin and Maimun Simun. Unfortunately they were tied up with work. Yes.. I understand, I just called and I cant expect them to be readily available. I also tried to call up my nephew Adnan at MMU. He had lectures.

So, there was I alone in Melaka and totally ravenous. I willed myself and did Solat Zuhur and Solat Asar first and went to the lobby. I braved myself for asking the bell boy where can I eat outside the hotel a good assam pedas. He pointed towards across the road. I crossed the road and found there were stalls. I walked passed by a few and I saw this sign saying Assam Pedas Daging. Hmmm... thats interesting! I walked in, muka tebal aje, because here was this middle aged woman, makcik walking in alone in the midst of busy stall asking for one plate of rice. The owner heaped a very full plate of white rice. I normally would have said, separuh aje dik because I usually eat half portion of the rice. But since I didnt want to attract any attention to myself for being so fussy, I quietly accepted it. Piled up the kuah assam and the meat which has those yummy bits of tendons and little bits of fat (not healthy okay... thats how I got to be a BMI of 26 ha ha ha ). That part of meat in which Temerloh folks call daging cincang. How my Allahyarham Abah loved them.

I looked around. Spotted a secluded corner. Slowly and steadily I zoomed towards a stool. Trying to blend into the stall. I then quickly put my hands in the plate. Yes... even though this Melayu had travelled so many part of the world. Even though this Melayu had seen the midnight sun. Even though this Melayu had seen the blue light. But this Melayu still lurrrve to eat with the five digits that were bestowed on me by the Al Mighty. Yup. No fork and spoon for me, darling. This right hand is good enough. Food doesnt taste as good if not eaten with hands. Ooooo yummy.... really delicious scrumptious, only Allah knows the exctasy I felt eating it. Thank you Allah for giving me the unexpected delicious dish!!!

Before I know it, the whole plate was finished. I was really se'eh. Because the stomach was indeed filled to the spincture muscle. I stood up, washed my hands and paid the bill. Without saying a word. Too embarassed thinking that all those eyes were watching me with interest. Whalloping a big dish. Devouring like a phyton. All alone.

I quickly walked back to the hotel. So satiated. Just like a big snake. I couldnt wait to find a cave. In my case, a darkened hotel room. I crawled or more likely slithered in between the cool sheets. Oh God I was glad that I decided to do my solat first before venturing out. Oh God, I didnt have the energy to move. Oh God, it was so blissful. Drifting in. Into unconsciousness. Into oblivion.

Into Allahumma, bismika, ahya, wa amut. Amin

Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong.... Wake up!!!!

Whats the point of telling of all this??

Didnt anybody get it? Didnt anybody realise that this was actually a guise to my so so assam pedas. Instead of telling the world how good mine is, I told about others so that I dont have to tell about mine. Ha ha ha ha. My dear hubby though devoured it like it was the best in the world. He is really easy to please... And that always makes my day.

That reminds me of my corporate days, some sly male managers who were very good at "tactical manouvering" during the management committee meetings. They would steer the topic away from them, away from why certain things had not been acted on... oh those were the days... Those NATO days. (No Action Talk Only). Do they honestly believe that we sisters didnt see through all that???!!

Now I am thoroughly enjoying my stress free days. I dont have to deal with wierd male politicking. I dont have to appease male egotist.... Oh yeah.......

p/s Thank you to Nana again for sending her courier boys just now before breaking fast. She send mee rebus. Hmmm yummy. I ate her mee just now only. I am back to my habit of not liking my own cooking. Its okay, as long as the lurrve of my life is still rushing back home and peep into the kitchen to see what I cook. I am happy. Even though there are only three Melayu families here now in Alex, we keep each other good company. Thank you Nana again. We are indeed Three Amigos eh?

p/s I certainly cannot run away from Sarawakian with four boys and one girl. Hi Yati. How are you??? Ramadhan Kareem to you and family.

p/s If anybody wants to try the delicious assam pedas daging, the food stall was in front of Hotel Equatorial Melaka.

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Fifteen

2008-09-16T01:54:00.008+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih Brasmati Carrefour
Gulai Lemak Ketam
Gulai Kari Ketam
Stir Fried Chinese Cabbage
Ikan Goreng

Laksa Sarawak Yummy Nana

Kuih Cara AyahNdak

Dates with Almond Siwa
Kopi O AyahNdak
Mineral Water Siwa

Today, I cooked the crab that we bought at Mandhara. Yup, where Kamarul lost his wallet. He wanted to make it into curry whereby the children especially Shakira cannot take hot pedas food at all. I could tell that he wanted it but he didnt want to make a fuss, causing me having to cook two separate dishes twice. That's my darling. Ever so thoughtful! Anyway, sayang cik abang lah katakan, out of lurvve, I made the two dishes. What was so funny, all the children ate the curry version except for Shakira of course. They are like that, I guess. Kuat ikut ayah. whatever he does, they follow.

The children have been whining for kuih cara. Would you believe it, this old woman doesnt know how to make one. In fact I have never made one. My mother never did made them when I was small. It was certainly not Temerloh kuih. Furthermore, I was never really a fan of sweet dishes. How did the children like it so much? Yes, my old faithful baby sitter, Mak Lang, she made wonderful kuih cara. Even me, who dont really like sweet stuff, is inclined to eat one or two pieces. Thus, the taste for kuih cara grew in my children. For many days I had googled and studied and research the recipe for easy kuih cara. For many days, I read other people comments on their success in making one. On how easy it was for them. But I never made the move to make one. Instead, I made other things that the children ask.

Guess what?!! Just now, twenty minutes before breaking fast, Rifqa came running excitedly in the kitchen saying that Papa is making kuih cara. Wah! Papa is going to make one. Is it true? Yes, I saw him outside the kitchen window with the kitchen scissors cutting the leaves of our pandan. Oh.. yes... Its true... So, in a flash, all five excited childrens, joining hands and making chaos, wanted to help. They are always like that. Whenever Papa cooks they would be overly excited and remember it for the rest of their lives. (Poor mama who cooks regularly does not get this kind of adulations! Jealous eh?? Kesian mama...)

So, today, finally we got to make and eat kuih cara. Honestly, hands down I wouldnt have tried unless absolutely no choice. A simple kuih without too many ingredients would be a disaster if not cooked properly. Ditambah pulak, on top of that cooking in Ramadhan. I cant taste it while cooking because of fasting and thus no trial and error. Not like cooking savoury dishes, I can just guess and have a feel of how certain things would turn out. Really Olie. Tsk.. tsk.. tsk......Please dont limit yourself because for lack of trying. I was brave in trying new things before. I was brave enough to be walking in big engine compresssors RB211 room. With roaring engines like the aeroplane. Deafening to the ears. I was brave enough to be in Fixed Wing aeroplane. Undergoing turbulence that could empty out the stomache in one instant. I was brave enough to stand up to a senior manager who was very condescending. Most people would chickened out in front of him.

Thus, why not in cooking??!! I guess now I am back like when I first started work. So unsure of my skills. InsyaAllah after much practices I would be better. But dont tell me I have to wait for another twenty years like when I was at work? Wah! Now I am 44 years old. Plus 20 means I will be 64 years old then. Dah tua bebenor.. The children have grown up and away from home. Shakira the youngest would be insyaAllah 24 years old. Maybe, dear hubby would be the only one who can enjoy it then..

Its okay, we are looking forward to retire together gracefully. Doing things together without the rush and confines of working hours. Without the chaos of looking after five children. Those will be the day.

The day would come that I had always jokingly said to Kamarul that I would be alternating between Nenek Kebayan and Puteri Gunung Ledang. Most of the time I would be the Nenek Kebayan, bertapa, a recluse, running away from this dying temporary world. Occasionally, I would be Puteri Gunung Ledang, glamourous grandmother whenever it is required for me to go out and meet other people.

OOh how I digress. Back to the kuih cara. The verdict : Its yummy. But it is not that green. There is no green colouring in the house. Had to rely totally on the pandan extract. I tried to find them in Carrefour but I couldnt find them. Carrerfour here dont even have baking section like we normally have in Malaysia. Thus, we dont find vegetable shortening, all the food colouring, all the essences, all the sprinkles and nor the cup cakes sheets. But I do find all those instant mix like cooking cakes in five minutes. I would have to ask Karen (Shakira's friend's mom) where can I find one.

Maybe tomorrrow. Yes.

Tomorrow will be another day.

(p/s Does anybody know whose favourite line is this? Hint : Anyone ever read Gone With The Winds?)

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Fourteen

2008-09-15T01:22:00.004+08:00

Bazaar Ramadhan Persatuan Melayu Mesir Al Iskandariah

Mee Rebus Muar
Mee Goreng Istimewa
Roti Canai
Popia Sira
Keropok Lekor

Cendol
Air Soya
Taufufa

Dates with Almond Siwa
Teh Tarik AyahNdak
Mineral Water Siwa

Wah... sedap sungguh makan masakan orang... rasa kenyang perut. Makan sikit punya banyak sampai se'eh... Yes, the food taste really good today because I didnt cook it. I ate a lot to the point of now I am so lazy to blog. Feels like crawling into my bed, switch on the aircon, grab Shakira so that she will fall asleep and the mama can doze off too.... hmmm ... heaven!

After calling Ustazah Aini that I would like to order some food, so today after asar, dear hubby and I went to collect it at Mandhara. We were received by her on the stairs of her building. the entrance was dusty, decrepit and dark. But clean! we had to climb up to three levels. I was panting by the time we reached her apartment. She was ever energetic carrying her son. The exuberance and the preserverance of youth.

We met her husband Ustaz Faizal. They have a three year old daughter aand one year son. We also met Ustaz Hassan and Ustaz Lokman. We had to wait a while for all the food that I ordered to arrive. So, it was good to be able to chit chat with other Melayu here.

What struck me again is the disparity of life. Their apartment was very modest but clean. Well kept and minimal furnishings and items. The rent was 225 LE. Compared to my house rent of 10,000 LE. What a big difference! Make me feel so ashamed of the lavishness that we are in. Compared to these Ustaz who sacrificed so much to learn Al Deen. And insyaAllah to propagate it.

We bid farewell with promises to visit again. InsyaAllah I will. I want to be like Nana. She said people collects antiques here in Egypt. But she collects students. Very good of her. I would try to do the same.

So, we reached home, with this feeling that we had been ungrateful. We hadnt been grateful with what we had.

Astarghfirullah.. Ya Allah, please forgive us!

So, apa lagila.. the kids pun kena lah lagi dileter tentang hidup berpada-pada... yes, they are nagged to live modestly. To not want more. To be cheerful with what we have. To want to share with others. Those are the challenge of today's generation. To deal with all the wealth. I guess it was so much easier for me because I had to learn to feel grateful with what ever little I had. Yes, definitely it is harder not be drowned by all the Rezki lest it would be a greater test to us..

Again, ya Allah, I seek refuge in You from You. Amin

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Thirteen

2008-09-14T00:37:00.003+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Goreng Campur-campur
Nasi Putih Brasmati Carrefour
Paprik Ayam & Sotong
Rendang Ayam Dorin
Ayam KFC
Bun
Potato Fries

Cucur Pisang Anak Dara
Shrimp Rolls
Dates with Almond Siwa
Teh Tarik AyahNdak
Mineral Water Siwa

Today, I decided to clean out the leftovers in the fridge. There were leftover chicken from Nasi Ayam, fish from Seafood platter and few versions of nasi goreng. So I decided to refry everything, mixed them all up and top up some old white rice leftover... and voila! A new Nasi Goreng Campur2.

I dont like seeing there were too many tupperwares of leftovers in the fridge. It was one of the worst thing I had to deal with when I became fulltime housewife. Seeing the leftovers and having to store them in the fridge. I felt it would be such a waste that those things if not eaten within the next few days, they would go bad. It felt like throwing away the Rezki, all the bounties that Allah had blessed us with. Especially when there are so many poor people living around us. It used to stress me up seeing the little tupperwares started to pile up in the fridge. Strange, isnt it? Some quirky thing that some people could freak out on. I wonder how mothers around the world cope with leftovers. In my case, sometimes, it is not so much left of a dish. Maybe one piece of small chicken left. Or a quarter plate of fried rice not eaten. But still, those are food. Food means rezki...

I was going through Neeza's blog that I found Yuztie who lived in Egypt. So I went to pay a visit to Yuztie's blog. From her blog, I found a website for Persatuan Melayu Mesir Al Iskandariah. Wah, I was so happy that I found out that they sell food for Ramadhan. They only sell on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursday... We have to order one day before. So, apa lagila... I called and spoke to Aini that I want to buy food for tomorrow. I ended up buying one item each from its list. Just to taste what are there. The pick up point would be at Mandhara where most of the University Al Azhar Malay students live. I would have to collect it after Asar tomorrow.

So, we decided to go for a drive in that area to check out where they live. Nanti, esok tak susah mencari-cari. Tomorrow we would just drive straight to the place. On the way, we found a few stalls selling fresh fish. I was tempted looking at the fish. We stopped to buy some. We were excited that there were large crabs sold. Normally, the crabs are small. But today, there were huge. After buying the crabs, we went to the butcher across the street because I wanted to buy frozen meat. Normally I used fresh meat. But since I want to make rendang, there is no need to use fresh meat that I normally buy at Carrefour. Whilst there, Kamarul realised that his wallet was gone! Yes... he was pick pocketed!! First time ever. We had been in the busiest of place so many times. In Mansyaya. In Khan Khalili. Late at night too with Kamarul feeling sleepy. Nothing happened. We were in Miami, very busy too. Nothing happened. Here, in this open market in Mandhara where there are many people go to Al Azhar. There a mosque in the same street too where people had just finished the Solat Asar. Here, in this land where Nabi Musa was born, my dear hubby was pick pocketed. I couldnt believe it!!! In the middle of Ramadhan too.

Alhamdulillah, we took it quite calmly. We redha. We didnt want to be hampered with this in Yaumul Akhirah later on. No need to make a fuss of it. Better take it to be a sedeqah to whoever that took it. We assumed that because he is so desperate that he had to do that. I believe it too. Nowadays, in Egypt, inflation is really bad. Food is really expensive. imagine, fresh meat cost RM25 per kilo. Chicken RM13 per kilo. Dont talk about fish or prawns. The rice I normally bought is of Carrefour brand and it cost RM7 per kilo. In the street a few streets away from house, there is this young lady living on the kerb with her baby. I pity her. At least here she would be quite safe. If it were in Malaysia. It would be worse. Not only she hadnt any food, she would be exposed to danger too...

Then I thought about our students here. I wonder how our students who came here on zakat money. Not having steady monthly pocket money. These students normally the students who come here to study Al Deen with Al Azhar. There are different group from the medical students who come here to study at University Alexandria. When Amir came here before I was stunt to hear how much he had to live on! But he seemed cheerful about it. Alhamdulillah, those are the training of our future ustaz and ustazah... tawadhuk. okay???!!

Again, I count my blessings that Allah had given. There are so many. That sometimes I failed to see them. I need events like this to make me remember. Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah,
Please continue to let me feel this way.
Ever so thankful to You.
Ever felt positive towards You.
Ever felt optimistic that everything is fine with You.
Amin

p/s Dear hubby cleaned the fish, crab and the meat that we bought just now. Must have read my posting yesterday how I mengadu and whining to the world that I had to do it now eh??!!

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Twelve

2008-09-13T02:06:00.006+08:00

Menu Berbuka Rumah AyahNdak Kafr Abdou

Laksa Penang Kaw Tak Caya ke?

Nasi Putih Brasmati Carrefour
Sambal Tumis Sotong
Sotong Goreng Kunyit
Ayam Goreng Rangup AyahNdak
Kerabu

Dates with Almond Siwa
Sirap
Mango Asr
Mineral Water Siwa

Would you believe that I had never made Laksa Penang from scratch alone? I grew up in Temerloh where Laksa Penang is not made. We ate laksa with santan. Similar to Terengganu style. So, making Laksa Penang is certainly not in my skills. Only Ngah who is married to a Penang made them during Hari Raya.

Step One : I mean from cleaning the fish. Before dear hubby would normally clean all the fish/sotong/udang/ayam/daging bought on Friday from Pasar Tani Kertih. Here, since I am at home and he is always busy and working with the Egyptians are quite a challenge, I mostly do it. This make me terkenang (remember) Ina when she came to visit us here in Alex. She said in Sudan the chicken is keras berdentum, dah lah tak pernah potong cuci ayam, ni kena buat semua sendiri, kepak peha ayam dan potong kecik2. dulu main cakap aje dekat tukang jual ayam, nak belah 4 ke, nak potong 8 ke, potong 16 ke... ha ha ha... I do understand. Now I can cut a whole chicken into small pieces like a pro. Awal2 dulu I would ask Kamarul to help, but now I can do it all by myself. I can even cut three whole chickens in one go...

Step Two : Boil the fish with assam keping and salt. Then separate the fish from the bones. Unfortunately, the fish that I had too many bones that Rifqa said there are zillions bones in it Mama!! I thought I was buying big sardines because it was labelled sardines. Even though I thought it looked different than normal. I said maybe these sardines are bigger. So, it took hours to separate the meat from the bones. I had Ayesha and Rifqa as assistants though. If not, the laksa would not be ready in time. I also pound the fish using my old lesung batu..

Step Three : Chillies, more assam keping, onions, the fish is left to simmer. This, after making numerous reference to recipes on internet by googling for senang sardine laksa penang resepi...

Step Four : I didnt have any bunga kantan. Nor daun kesum. I only had lengkuas. So what to do? I thought maybe I could substitute it with basil leaves. So, we went to Carrefour to get some. Unfortunately, they dont have any. So what to do? Hmmm. I also dont have belacan. That, is no problem. So, I called Nana to mintak sikit belacan dia. So she sent her boys over as courier with the Belacan Sarawak. Really big too. As big as tennis ball. Thanks Nana.

Step Five : The Verdict..... Yummy.... tak sangka this amature without all the ingredients can turn in a Kau Laksa Penang.

Why do I talk about this for great length? Remember, in one of postings when I couldnt sleep that I was just googling mindlessly. That I found blogging is very much a twenty something thing. Forty something people like me dont do it that much. Now, with the really fast internet in this new house, with ample time on my hands, I love to blog. I love to meet new blog friends too.

Anyway, I want to add something to the discovery of bloging market segmentation. I found that... cheng.. cheng... cheng... most Malay ladies who are married and live overseas blog!!! Yep, there exist these unique group of people whom I called Mak Melayu Merantau (MMM). We are so far away from other Melayu that we take comfort in meeting Melayu and visiting Melayu in the virtual world. We share the same common bond of trying to make a happy home for our family who are so far away from home.

Last year when dear hubby was contemplating of moving to Jubail, I couldnt find anyone who blog. I did manage to contact one Malay guy who was with the same company as my husband and left to work for Shell in Jubail. I couldnt talk to him and ask him little details that a woman would be facing. Even though I also had a brother in law in Dhahran. But he lives alone there. So, he would not be really facing it as a Melayu family. Yati asked to look up her friend Elisa who lives in al Khobar. Elisa blogs. And my she is a really good blogger. I like her postings. She seems to be a good cook too. And a good writer. I enjoy her postings. The past few days, I met Neeza who lives in Jubail. Neeza has a common friend via Mak Lang. I also met Adleez. I noticed Adleez is linked to Kak Liza in which I am linked to and always refer too. Kak Liza is the mother of Imran's friend. I knew about her blog when she came to Sekolah Rantau for Robotics competition. I saw that she carried a big bulky camera. She told me that she blogs. She told me that her blogs when in fotopages had one of the highest views. Now, I know why. Almost all the people I know who are good cook or new cook like me like to refer to her.

I think that is what I want to do next is to search and gather all this unique group of blogs Mak Melayu Merantau. So far, I only have two friends whom I know personally have blogs. One is Shaz who lives in Perth. And the other Zareen who lives in Northern NSW. She has a website but alas she doesnt blog. She has a tropical resort that teaches French there.

So, to my fellow blogger Mak Melayu Merantau, if you pass by, pls let me know... We may form a group. We dont have to refer to expatfocus for support...

Hidup Melayu. Takkan Melayu Hilang di Dunia eh???!!! Yes, we can do it if we, yes we, all these Mak Melayu Merantau who make sure that there is a happy home no matter where we are...
There is no need to be like Panglima Awang who is actually the first man to circle the earth, thus the first Melayu to travel. To travel alone. If Panglima Awang had these brave and resourceful Mak Melayu to travel with him all the way to Spain, America might not be even be named America.

And to all those Mak Melayu di Tanah Melayu, who support us sisters travelling, jauh di perantauan, without you, we will not be inspired, we will not motivated, we will not preserved and we will not feel so near and yet so far.....

Ma'a Salama Ya Ukhti....

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Eleven

2008-09-11T16:30:00.006+08:00

1. Nooooo, I failed the assessment.

Last night, after posting my entry, I thought for the first ten days of Ramadhan, I thought I was doing all right. I thought all my own set KPIs are green. But today, the reverse. Oh No... what a disappointment. Itulah, I was 'ujub, as Amatullah, I shouldnt have done that. Allah is All-Knowing, and before I realised it, I am humbled by Allah Al Aziz. Hmm, I must do alot more zikir, this heart is no way near clean. More like the back of old kuali keramat???!! Ai yooo....

2. Today, I write the blog early before the Iftar. It is because we will be eating at Four Seasons Hotel tonight. My husband's company will be having the company's breaking fast there. Dear hubby warned that the food would not be nice. The usual Egyptian buffet spread. I dont quite like traditional Egyptian food. All very dry and no gravy to go along with it. We will see! Anyway, I am prepared, if we are still hungry, I will whip up something really fast we come home. No worries.

3. I would like to continue the story of good memories I had with my siblings. Next is De. my second sister. If Ngah played the second mother role to me, De played the big sister role to the hilt. I Ngah was the one who taught me basic things in life, De was the one who taught me the new exciting things in life. If Ngah was the calm reactions to my choices, De was the one who questions my every choices.

De was the one who taught me how to read and digest the stories. First book ever was this novel called Darah Kadazan. I think it was a book as part of the secondary syllabus. Since in those days story books were hard to come by, I grab any books that came along. The book was about a Kadazan village intertwined with love stories with two lines of slightly erotic words. De was the one who went through the book with me, a young six years old girl what all those meant. In the nicest possible ways. No the birds and the bees story yet, mind you!!

De liked to read me stories from the Grimm's fairy tales before I went to bed. The book was thick, hard covered, roman font and absolutely no pictures. Boring!. It was up to De to read it and to quench a little girl's imagination. To make it lively and whet my appetite for more books.

The first English book I read was also introduced by De. Tt was The Wishing Chair by Enid Blyton. I was quite daunted by it, because it was a really thick book. But De casually encouraged me to read.

Those days, we had to write in an exercise book which was called Berita Hari Ini (Daily News). The exercise book had half of its page lined. The top half was blank. We had to write the daily events on the bottom half. Then, we had to illustrate it at the top. Since I was in Standard One, I would normally write like this. Hari ini hari Khamis. (This part is a must. To say the day or the date). Hari ini panas. (This part is also required to describe the day). Pada hari ini saya main lari-lari di-padang (This is the part when I had to describe the things I did). On the top half of the page, I had to draw. So, here comes De usual assistance. She once showed me that instead of drawing a big person, she taught me how to draw small people. Thus, I could show many people doing all kinds of activities in a park. Thus, instead of the picture that was just like a portrait, De taught me how make a picture that was like a landscape shot with SLR pro digital camera. She taught me only once, to draw the really small people, I then went on to enjoy drawing small things in my Berita Hari Ini book. Much more complex than today's blogging eh?

(p/s Today is the the first Anniversary of my blog.. Life indeed has been rowed merrily....)

She introduced me Enid Blyton's book. De also introduced to me Womens' Weekly romance book. She didnt introduced it to me actually. It was just there in the cupboard that I was so curious that I took it and read it when I was eleven years. I was addicted. Even though, sometimes I didnt understand the complex emotions that I read. I still remeber the first title that I read. It was called "Too near and yet too far". At that time, I couldnt even understand the meaning of the title. How could someone be so near and yet so far??? Now, at 44 years old, of course I understand. (If anyone dont understand, pls ask...dont be shy ...)

What else? Oh yes, she introduced me my first bra.. (shh...sh...). One day, she said to me that she had this bra that she bought and it was too small for her. She then asked me would I want to wear them instead. I was so dumb and so naive then that I believed her. Yelah tu. Kecik!!! Huh!! This is just De subtle way to ask me wear one.

When I was in second year at university, I was still very much a geek. There was one summer that I went home the same time as De came home from the States. She had all this Avon products with her. So that summer, I was her willing model, a total makeover. She changed my style of glasses that I had worn for ages. She made mear wear different style of clothes. She took me for a haircut to her hairdresser friend in Temerloh. She taught how to clean my face using soap other than the ubiquitous "sabun mandi". She taught how to put on make up. After a summer with her, I went back to Sydney with a new different look. Never looking back.

Surely, all my nieces wouldnt believe this. Coming from Mak De. Eh.. Did you all know that Mak De was once called Miss Model Ustazah? Surprised? That was the De that I remembered. Gorgeous. Daring. Always ready to try new things.

Somehow, over time, life events seemed to have mellowed De down. Life travels had made her more cautious. I would be the one now raring to go. So optimistic. So rash. But De would be the one questioning every move. reviewing every pros and cons. Mostly the cons. LOL... I love you De, first you encouraged me to bloom and dare to face the world. then, you are always there to make sure that in my bravery, I would look at all the fears squarely in my face.

So Amirul, Firdaus, Liyana, Syafiq, Nana... MakNdak would like to see this Miss Model Ustazah once more (not only the ustazah part k?!) ... you will be amazed and proud like I am... to have her as sister!

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Ten

2008-09-11T01:40:00.002+08:00

Menu Berbuka Gerai Kecil MakNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Ayam Lah
Puff Pastry Sardine Amature

Kuih Gulung Nana
Dates with Almond
Cookies Hotel Conrad

Air Sirap
Shai Bi Laban
Nescafe
Mineral Water Siwa

Today I got a mail from Leen saying that tomorrow would be her last day at PMO. I presumed she must be like all those contract staff whose contract are not renewed. I wonder where will she go next??

She wrote the title of her mail as "Moving On". How apt! I somehow didnt take it badly when I read it. Maybe I myself had been undergoing similar situation for the past one year. The roller coaster ride of trying to hold on to something old. To something familiar. But it is time to let go. It is time to move on.

Yes, moving on isnt exactly a bad thing to do. That was what I replied to her email. It is worse than holding on. Clutching tightly to something that we know. That in the end we may sink with it. Because we are creatures of habit. Men are. We like to know the routine of things. We like to expect the same thing. The sense of security of same daily things to do. No risks. No surprises. Nothing new to learn.

On the other hand, moving on, we are scared. We do not know what is out there? Is it better ? Is it really as good as it seems? Or is it a case the grass is always greener on the other side. And we are afraid that we may want to come back to this side of the fence.

I was scared. I am scared. I am sure Leen will too. I am sure Ajan and Afiz did too. But who knows what lies behind all those new doors waiting to be opened by us? Which doors to open? Where are these doors leading us to? All have many mysteries, many new promises. Yes, it may be daunting. But it is bringing us somewhere....

The signatory of Ina seems to sum it all :-

"If you want to succeed, you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success"

Note : Since today is already Day Ten. I should examine myself how far I have been during this one third of the Ramadhan. Am I capitalising on the holy month of Ramadhan Kareem?? Me, an Amatullah, who doesnt know how to be one..

Ramadhan Kareem : Day Nine

2008-09-10T02:58:00.004+08:00

Menu Berbuka Doa Selamat MakNdak Kafr Abdou

Nasi Putih
Gulai Kari Kambing
Hati Paru-paru Masak Hitam
Kerabu Mangga

Seafood Popia
Dates with Almond
Cookies Hotel Conrad
Teh Tarik Kamarul
White Coffee Old Town
Mineral Water Siwa

(Today's menu is inspired by Kak Liza's blog)

Today I am feeling much better. No more cough. No more wheezing sound in my chest. No more body ache all over.

It started last Thursday when I went to Nana's house for mid morning chat and some pep talk. Her cleaner were there, obviously cleaning the house. She openned the vacuum cleaner right in front of us who were sitting in the living room. The fan was on. So, naturally, all the dust were blowing towards us. Flying all over the room. Straight into my nose. Immediately, all the obvious allergic signs were there. Sneezing. Tingling throats. Tearing up eyes. Oh no... Luckily, it was time to collect Shakira. I left Nana's place with the allergic reactions building momentum in my throat, my eyes and my worse area, my nose. I welcomed the walk to the school and the walk back from the school to my house. Being in the open air, trying to catch up with Shakira fast trot.

Unfortunately, at home, I felt worse. So, after breaking up fast time. To ease the reactions, I immediately took my favourite medication, Zyrtec... yes.. those little pills that I always travel with. A big must. Seeing I had some body ache, I took actified Panadol. From then on, it got worse and the wheezing in the chest began accompanied with slightly swollen eyes.

Every night, after breaking fast I took Zyrtec and the actified Panadol. Every night, I had terrible cough, wheezing and slightly swollen eyes. It went on for the next three days.

I said to myself, this infection couldn't have last this long without any signs of improvement. And it seemed to get worse after breaking fast. It couldnt be the dust from the vacuum cleaner made me allergic for so long. Then, I remembered that I am totally allergic also to NSAID = Non Steroidal Anti Inflammatory Drugs.. the most simplest form is aspirin. So, I said to myself maybe the new actified Panadol has traces of aspirin. That's why the wheezing in the chest and the swelling eyes. Similar to the symptoms when I was given Pethidine when I was in labour. The allergic reactions are the same, just slower and milder.

So, two days ago, I quit taking the actified Panadol. At the advice of Nana, I also started taking Habbatus Sauda' as prescribed by our beloved Prophet S.A.W. The driver bought for me Baraka. The oil in capsules form. I looked it up in the Internet. According to The Journal of American Scientist, Habbatus Sauda' or black cumin seed has antihistamine (pencegah alahan), antioxidant, (pencegah kerosakan sel), antibiotic (pembunuh kuman), antimycotic (antikult) dan bancho-dilating effect (pengembang saluran pernafasan). Exactly everything what I needed. Everything to cure the symptoms. As well as the cause. How amazing!

Alhamdulillah, today I am feeling much better.

InsyAllah, I will continue to take this amazing prescriptions, a sunnah too. I have also influenced Kamarul to take it too. I also bought the honey version so that Shakira and Rifqa can take it too. Furthermore, I noticed these products when sold in Malaysia is so expensive. Over here, is very cheap.

Today had been hectic. Going to immigration. Going to hospital. Going to prize giving. In between, I tried to cook today's menu. To make it worse, dear hubby left for Cairo immediately after breaking fast just now.

Today, to those who are close to me knows that today is my actual birthday. Yes I am a Virgo. 9th September is my real birthday. As soon as it hit midnight in Malaysia, I have been getting birthday wishes. To everyone, who remembered, thank you very much. I am touched that you took the trouble to wish me.

Yep, today I am 'arba'a wa 'arba'in, four and forty. Yes, soon next year, I could be categorically be in the fifties if the numbers are rounded of. Yes, time do really fly. In one instance, I was a young, naive, inexperienced, no confidence engineer alone in the male dominated world. Twenty years later, in a whiz, I am no more young, I am old but comfortable in my own skin. No more naive, mostly cynical. No more inexperienced, but certainly Jill of many trades and Master of a few. No more no confidence, I could take the most overbearing man anytime, no worries. No more a female engineer alone in the male dominated world, everywhere I go, I see and worked with many female engineers, pretty, intelligent, composed. I am proud to be with them. I am proud to be able to assist them in the journey through life. In every possible way.

Today had been relatively a happy day. I got two really nice birthday cards from Rifqa, the first one to give me. She promised me to be my Kak Andak and blooms flowers everyday. I also got hand made card from Imran. I also got handmade card from Shakira. I got a cook book from Ayesha and Jannah. A cook book by Jamie Oliver. I like the book, it said the book to make me a better cook. Oh yes, that is indeed a sign fof things to come for me. I got fresh flowers from Kamarul. This birthday, I also got many advance birthday present that he bought earlier on. Mostly things I like in my leisure time. Prison Break Series. Cat Steven CDs. Those were the wish list of things for my birthday. Nothing expensive. Ooo I forgot. I got a semi pro digital camera as an advance birthday present. How could I forget that?!!!

But today, it is also marked by an event that occured on the way back from the hospital. My heart shattered in thousand pieces. In an instant. In a split second. Just like broken glass. Small pieces, glittering on the floor. ............

I chose to forget. FULL STOP.

I chose to enjoy the day. I chose to smell the beautiful heady scent of the roses. I chose to listen to the doa for breaking up carefully. "Ya Allah, Panjangkanlah umur Olie, and make her happy always..."

Inwardly, I said a deep Amin to that. I am happy. I want to be happy with those whom I love. I am indeed blessed. Thank you for everything.

Illahi anta maksudi waridhoka matlubi. Amin.